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Inuyasha
June 24th, 2006, 04:14 AM
Just a small farewell to anyone who remembers.
I'm sure you've all forgetten, and I'm sure I'll leave again with little notice.
Sorry for the mess, guys, I'm still cleaning things up.



"This is my Last Song"

Windy days and uprooted trees line the
Obsession that's veined with a love
Thick as the Earth itself.
You called me, once, Koi,
It seemed to fit so well like
A rainbow after the rain is left to dry.
You run along and smile, for me,
These scars are too deep to feign my smiles,
Sometimes I wonder to myself:
Will I actually remember
Which one of those smiles were true?
I can't hold back this feeling,
I can't run, like you.
All I can do it let it consume me.
Better me, then you.
I've told them all, everyone who's asked,
Why the light stopped shining,
I've said it with some smile,
That I'm in love, always will be.
I think... you were lieing.
This is the last song I sing for you,
A lamenting kind of tune,
If I had the chance to do it,
I'd fill the world with flowers
Just for you.
These winds will hush my song,
Time will strip me from your heart,
And you'll smile again, I know you will,
You're stronger, babe. That's just you.
If ever there's a moment that your heart
Yearned for the past, relived,
I'll be gone, too far you see,
To let you make that mistake again.

ArKiVe
June 25th, 2006, 03:08 AM
You said this was a song when it's poetry...lol...it was good, but if you really meant it to be a song I'd have to judge it hard and say that it had no flow at all and well, no chorus. Chorus= essential.

Lily
June 25th, 2006, 08:09 AM
Perhaps that was the title, not the actual song itself?

At any rate, 'though I am far too late, I really did enjoy this piece of work. Elegant, melancholic...I just wish there was some structure involved. Good job.

ArKiVe
June 25th, 2006, 08:43 AM
Perhaps that was the title, not the actual song itself?

At any rate, 'though I am far too late, I really did enjoy this piece of work. Elegant, melancholic...I just wish there was some structure involved. Good job.

Um...yes I know that. That's why I rated it as a song also even though it didn't sound to me like a song at all.

Lily
June 25th, 2006, 09:03 AM
I've completely lost you. o_x I thought you were judging it as a song, so that's why I said "This is my Last Song" was the poem's title. Ah...my apologies if I misinterpreted. ^_^

ArKiVe
June 25th, 2006, 09:07 AM
Lol I am kinda loss too. Why would he name it "This is my last song" if it was going to be a poem? XD

Inuyasha
June 27th, 2006, 07:59 PM
Lol I am kinda loss too. Why would he name it "This is my last song" if it was going to be a poem? XD


Because the world is full of things to do, each to my own liking. If i wanted to name a rabbit- dog, or a bike- elephant, i can.
if you dont like the title... well... too bad, honestly.
my reasons behind writing this and titling it "This Is My Last Song" were simply.... /sigh...
Cuz I would pull her close and sing to her. I'd sing a song that took how I felt and put it to words.
this song is how I feel. to the T.
and you know, not every song needs a chorus. a song is simply a poem to music.


as for the structure, it's not required, and i'm not a formal poet. i dont understand how a set of feelings can be forced into a clowncar of a form. anywho...

i hope this clears some stuff up.

sorry if i sound a bit mean... >.>:; i dont mean to.

black panther
July 9th, 2006, 07:54 AM
i read your poem, don't know what others say but i think that its beautiful. a poem has a hidden meaning deep inside it. a poem is a collection of the writer's feelings, to understand it, one has to discover the feelings and emotions binding the poem with the writer to yourself.
and in my opinion, the poem is a song itself.
your poem is one beautiful song which is appreciable and has no limits of its beauty.
nice work, true poetry recovered!!!!!

ArKiVe
July 10th, 2006, 12:31 AM
Because the world is full of things to do, each to my own liking. If i wanted to name a rabbit- dog, or a bike- elephant, i can.
if you dont like the title... well... too bad, honestly.
my reasons behind writing this and titling it "This Is My Last Song" were simply.... /sigh...
Cuz I would pull her close and sing to her. I'd sing a song that took how I felt and put it to words.
this song is how I feel. to the T.
and you know, not every song needs a chorus. a song is simply a poem to music.


as for the structure, it's not required, and i'm not a formal poet. i dont understand how a set of feelings can be forced into a clowncar of a form. anywho...

i hope this clears some stuff up.

sorry if i sound a bit mean... >.>:; i dont mean to.

About the chorus- I disagree. At least you clarified that your title actually had a meaning. Yeah, you can name it anything, but if it is just going to be open in plain view to read you should say why you named it that unless it's explained itself in the poem because it really wasn't.

Inuyasha
July 13th, 2006, 04:22 PM
About the chorus- I disagree. At least you clarified that your title actually had a meaning. Yeah, you can name it anything, but if it is just going to be open in plain view to read you should say why you named it that unless it's explained itself in the poem because it really wasn't.

No, thats okay. I dont have to.
And i really think you should stop being so structered in your thinking.
Lacking a chorus doenst mean that it cant be a song. In fact, there are several big hit songs that lack a chorus... but I havent heard them is so long I cant remember them.
And I really need to take the replied to xxxxx messaging off.
Thanks to everyone who likes it.
Boo to all of you who dont understand that poetry is creative, and can be wahatever the heck I want it to be. ^.-
Ja ne.