PDA

View Full Version : The day of the pokemon battles(humor!)


Chariquaza
April 12th, 2004, 03:05 PM
"Okay mom I got 4 pokemon but I need 6!"said Justin a 10 year old boy who just began his pokemon journey in the hoenn region. "Okay." Said his mom laying a bannana on the floor above him. Justin walked forward he slipped on a bannana . (This is how he looked :dead: :dead: :dead: ) "NO!" Said his mother. She walked forward and suddenly Justin popped up and scared "BOOOOOO!" "EEK!" His mom said scared. She ran straight down the stairs and out the door.

"Heh heh." Justin said. He hopped in his mini car looking for some wild pokemon. "Well I got these pokemon-oh look a nidoran male and female." Justin said. "Go Grovyle!" Justin said. "Now Razor leaf!" Justin commanded. Grovyle splew a fury of leaves that barley weakned them. But Justin threw two red and white balls with gray dots in the middle. They sucked up the two creatures in a red light. "Yea I caught 'em!" Justin yelled.

When Justin showed his mom he was commanded to get dressed. He walked up the stairs and when he turned the knob a figure popped out and Justin fell down the stairs. Anyway he ran back up into his room. He slipped on a red T shirt tucked into Red Sweat pants. "Done!" He yelled. He ran down he stairs. "Pidgeoto Fly me to the fool battle arena!" Justin commanded. He waved good bye too his mom and Pidgeoto flew him to the arena.

When he arrived he saw a sign that read F O O L ' S A R E N A "Okay where here." Justin said. He returned the brown white bellied bird with pink and yellow feathers on its head. He walked into the building and he saw one person. "Hey...where are all the other people?" Justin asked. "Oh there all in the arena. You better go in too. " The kid said. Justin walked into the big glass doors. "Ahhh a challenger we will have your match, but you may only battle for 3 rounds with this pokemon." said the announcer

"Okay." said Justin. Justin walked up to a girl about his age in a pink dress. "Hello." She said in a deep sweet voice. "Hi." Justin said in a dazed look. "Go Hitmontop." She said. A white light burst through the red and white ball called a poke ball. There was a top like figure with arms and legs. It was sort of bhage and blue. "Okay now go Pidgeoto." Justin said.

"Fly up then strike it." Justin said. "Hitmontop dodge." The girl said. "Oh and my name is Lisa." She said. Hitmontop spun left then right then very far back. Pidgeoto missed it crawled up into the sky again. "Hitmontop Tripple stretch kick." Lisa said. Hitmontop stratched its legs and it smacked Pidgeoto 3 times. "TO TO!!!!" Pidgeoto cried. The crowd started luaghing at Pidgeoto's pain.

"Thats it no madder how cute you are I must send out Geodude!" Justin yelled. A white light appeared and a rock appeared with two arms on its left and right. "Rock throw." Justin said. Hitmontop was panting it was very tired from dodging Pidgeotos attack so it just fainted. "AHHAAAAAAHAAA!!!" The crowd laughed. "Squirtle Go. Surf!" Lisa yelled. Geodude burst out the stadium and left without a trace. The crowd began luaghing again. Thee wave hit Justin and he squirted water out his mouth, he was soaked. The crowd was dying by this.

"Pikachu Go, Thunder!" Justin shouted. A lightning strike struck Squirtle and it fell like a bullet that just shot a person. Squirtle fell. "No!!!" Lisa yelled. She sucked Squirtle into its poke ball and she was about to run out the door when Justin blocked the way. "hey wanna travel with me? I know that battle was rough but we can always still be friends. Justin said. "Well erm... okay." Lisa admitted. The two held hands and walked out the door.

"Pidgeoto go!" Pidgeoto popped out of its ball. Only it was bigger and it looked better. "Its a-Pidgeot!" Justin yelled. "Atleast we can both ride." Justin said. Justin and Lisa hopped on Pidgeot riding into the sunset awaiting their next journey.



THE END

osceya.k.a.eevee
July 19th, 2004, 06:59 PM
I liked it! uh, funny. You should continue it.

Sarafina
July 20th, 2004, 01:58 PM
Great story! I liked it a ton! Funny and exicting! ;) :)!







~Sarafina



P.S
If you im me I'll tell you my real name.

[email protected]

oni flygon
July 20th, 2004, 05:55 PM
I really don't like criticizing...but I'm just doing this so that authors can be better... X-x

First of all, try using Microsoft Word...it's much easier and it checks spelling, too. Second of all, try to seperate quotes from paragraphs. Third, add some descriptions. Your story is short...too short...You should add an author's note over there to at least tell us the plot since I'm lost halfway through the story... O_o

"Heh heh." Justin said. He hopped in his mini car looking for some wild pokemon. "Well I got these pokemon-oh look a nidoran male and female." Justin said. "Go Grovyle!" Justin said. "Now Razor leaf!" Justin commanded. Grovyle splew a fury of leaves that barley weakned them. But Justin threw two red and white balls with gray dots in the middle. They sucked up the two creatures in a red light. "Yea I caught 'em!" Justin yelled.


I'm not sure if "splew is a word...and what did you mean by "barely weakened"...Don't you mean "Barely scratched/hurt" them? And I thought he was in his "mini-car" ...but the next scene, he doesn't seem to be in it... O_o

"Okay mom I got 4 pokemon but I need 6!"said Justin a 10 year old boy who just began his pokemon journey in the hoenn region. "Okay." Said his mom laying a bannana on the floor above him. Justin walked forward he slipped on a bannana . (This is how he looked ) "NO!" Said his mother. She walked forward and suddenly Justin popped up and scared "BOOOOOO!" "EEK!" His mom said scared. She ran straight down the stairs and out the door.

Okay, first of all, I'd like to know why his mom placed a banana on the floor...it really doesn't go anywhere...Plus, try not to use smileys in your fanfics...they're really a pain to look at in prose writing... XP

"Okay where here."

Oh you meant "We're here"?
"Fly up then strike it." Justin said. "Hitmontop dodge." The girl said. "Oh and my name is Lisa." She said. Hitmontop spun left then right then very far back. Pidgeoto missed it crawled up into the sky again. "Hitmontop Tripple stretch kick." Lisa said. Hitmontop stratched its legs and it smacked Pidgeoto 3 times. "TO TO!!!!" Pidgeoto cried. The crowd started luaghing at Pidgeoto's pain.

oh...so the people have a certain pleasure of seeing things in pain, huh? And why would the girl introduce herself in the middle of the battle? It's just not right... :\

"Pikachu Go, Thunder!" Justin shouted. A lightning strike struck Squirtle and it fell like a bullet that just shot a person. Squirtle fell. "No!!!" Lisa yelled. She sucked Squirtle into its poke ball and she was about to run out the door when Justin blocked the way. "hey wanna travel with me? I know that battle was rough but we can always still be friends. Justin said. "Well erm... okay." Lisa admitted. The two held hands and walked out the door.

Where did Pikachu come from? O_o And...the two showed pasionate love all of the sudden? This is odd...

Oh well...if you don't like this post, just ignore it. It's something called constructive criticism. Don't blow your top or anything. I just want to advice some authors...Like I said, I hate criticizing...but your story just drove me to the edge...

~Oni

Abskull
July 20th, 2004, 06:10 PM
Same thing as Oni Flygon!

But other wise, great story!

Fixen
July 20th, 2004, 06:11 PM
Eh. I think I'll side with oni. After reading the "story" I kind of felt really lost, like why did I read this?