View Full Version : poem

July 9th, 2006, 10:16 PM
I know its bad but dont be to brutal.


I must look just like a fool
For waiting this long
I should know she wont return
But still I sit here waiting

Years go by and I miss her
I grow old waiting for her
I should know she wont return
But still I sit here waiting

Its been ten years
I've missed so much
I know now she wont return
But still I sit here waiting

I am known as the freak
The man who doens't move
I have heard of her return
And now I sit here waiting

She came today
It felt so wierd
She she has missed my
And I sat there waiting

She said she loved me
I knew she didn't
As she said goodbye
As I sat there waiting

I rose and asked her
"Why have you come back
I have been here 10 years!
I have sat here and waited."

She smiled and said
"I needed to tell you
That things change
But you still sat here waiting"

I died inside when she said
"I needed to know you loved me
So I stayed gone to find the truth
That you would sit waiting"

So she left.
And I sat waiting..........For death

July 11th, 2006, 12:18 PM
It's okay, kinda mediocre. You coulda done lots better~~~ "But still I sit here waiting" <- sweet of you to try out repetition, as it certainly added flare to the poetry, as in the overall theme. You could've done better on the rhyme and *some* sort of form, as poetry is not without that. Try adding more empathy and more feeling. Don't make everything sound monotonous. Good luck! @^___^@

-Mikuru ♥

July 26th, 2006, 4:14 PM
thank you very much! i appreciate the honesty!