View Full Version : Is It Good To Shatter A Dream?
July 30th, 2006, 02:57 PM
So, I need some good advice, here's the deal...
I have got this cousin who's had a little bit of a rough time growing up, parent problems, moving from city to city, country to country and never really got the chance to settle down in one place. As a result, his grades sort of suffered and the different schooling systems messed him up. When he was 12, he failed an entry exam and had to go back to grade 2. O_O
Anyway, he is in his late teen years now and isn't really great at anything except singing, or so he thinks. Recently, my brother built a mini studio at home and we both help him record his demo CD, but quite frankly it sounds horrible. =O
Telling him that his singing is not on par, is an idea that flickers in my mind. On minute it seems right and the burden of lying and "wasting" lots of time writing lyrics and recording songs would be lifted but on the other hand, he doesn't have much to fall back on. It's almost cruel that singing is what he believes he does best. Other people have heard some of tracks and we all feel the same way but none of us have the heart to tell him. Such a bunch of cowards. -_-
So, we continue to waste our time and his by promoting the belief that he can really sing. He is literally his own biggest fan and his ears seemed to be tuned to some sort of eccentric frequency for him to listen to his own music and actually enjoy it. My question is, what would you do?
If we dropped him now and he left thinking he sucked at singing, there would be nothing else he could make a career of, legally anyway. He even once told me he was thinking about selling drugs, and has tried some himself. I’m afraid telling him the truth will push him off the edge! =O
Maybe I should post the link to one of his songs, and you guys tell me if he is that bad.
July 30th, 2006, 04:30 PM
...you sure don't seem sad for him.
If you really think he's that bad, just go ahead and tell him. Be careful of how you say it though, you don't wanna make him go emo or something...seriously though, you do have to be careful how you tell him. If it's something he really had his heart set on, it's going to crush him. If he's trying drugs just because he can't sing or whatever, you might wanna tell his parents about that one.
July 31st, 2006, 02:33 PM
Now, why would you say I don't seem like I feel bad for him? Of course I do, maybe telling his parents would be for the best. He's not gonna like that though.
August 1st, 2006, 07:01 PM
Okay, I would say, "Wow, you sound pretty good! Maybe you should try some singing practices in a choir!" and smile.
August 1st, 2006, 07:14 PM
Tell him he's really good, but he needs a little more work perhaps to take vocal lessons
August 2nd, 2006, 10:40 PM
In both cases, that's just lying -- it achieves nothing; he needs the truth. Just do what panda-chan said, and be honest with him, but not blunt. Let him know that you think his voice needs some working on, but if that's his dream, let him go ahead with it, anyways -- i.e. let him know your opinion & no further interference =] Or maybe encourage him to take up a musical instrument of some sort, and join a band; if he's writing lyrics or something, he would come in handy then ^_^ If music is his way, just point him towards a path that might be more adapted to his abilities?~
...Lastly, why did he have to go back with the eight-year-olds...? He must have done really badly... impossibly badly on it.
August 3rd, 2006, 03:20 PM
If singing's not his forte, simply tell him. Regardless of your tone, that factor won't change the harsh truth. You don't represent the world; they're not going to always participate in supporting what they don't. If you don't tell, someone else will inevitably do so, and that's a path I'm sure will be much more difficult on your cousin. ^_^; Do what's best for him, if you truly care.
August 6th, 2006, 05:59 AM
Thanks for the advice everyone. All of your input will definitely come in handy. ^^
August 10th, 2006, 03:46 AM
Tell us how it goes if/when you tell him. ^_^
August 17th, 2006, 02:49 AM
Sure, I haven't seen him yet and I'll tell you all how it goes. Don't think it's gonna be good though. x_x
August 17th, 2006, 02:54 AM
If he beleives he can sing that much then he will accept critisism from you he will then (if he wants it that badly) work on his dream..
My dream is to become the worlds most fastest guitar player and i take critisism all the time and take it on board to help me get better... so he should too.. Its not shattering his dream its making it more a reality by helping him improve....
August 17th, 2006, 10:08 AM
I suppose, but the problem here is I can't see an improvement ever happeneing. His voice is really deep and just suitable for the music he dreamsto make. But If it's not meant to be then it's best he learn it now, then never, so he can start concentrating on something else. Hopefully, that something will be legal.
August 17th, 2006, 10:41 AM
You should give a link to one of his songs. :P
Have him go audition for American Idol, they'll tell him the truth.
August 17th, 2006, 05:11 PM
The above posts pretty much covered the bases. The effective comments on how something is quite horrible, and or just needs work is what builds a persons abilities, or to pursue another objective. (legally, as you say.) If he's really so confident and sure that his singing is on target, then his stubborness should tempt him into trying again and again. The point is to get the message across, how he takes it is up to him, but then again, you were doing right by letting him know the truth before it gets too far. When a dream is made, most people want success, acknowledgement for what they do. Despite how a dream is all about making your self happy for what you do, eventually, you'll want support from others to keep moving. For the direction he's in now, he's living a lie, in which can drag on and hit him harder in the future than it would if you turn him around and said: ''Look man, you suck!" Of course that shouldn't come out your mouth, be intellect and mature about it. =p
Quoting from your title, ''Is it good to shatter a dream?" In this case, you're helping a person find or improve on a possible dream. If he feels down about the truth, he'll have to accept it and stay strong. There's so much going on these days, that it's just not worth lieing dead on one disappointment. A lot to do and see, if he opens his eyes, he can experience more and learn from them. Without a lifes lesson, you're in a hole, not really going anywhere at all. Hope all goes well, saying something was a good move, saying you care and at least tried.
August 31st, 2006, 11:49 AM
Just tell him the truth. It's better for your cousin if hears the bad news from you than from some music-producer or something.. He'll just be more dissapointed knowing that his friends and family lied to him and if nothing drives him into drugs I'm sure that probably will. And the way you wrote how you care about him you're afraid to shatter his dreams I'm sure that the bad news won't even sound so bad if he hears it from you than from anybody else. As far as drugs and illegal bussiness are concerned just tell his parents about it and make sure that they don't go hard on him.. Fighting just won't take them anywhere. Also tell him that if singing is really his dream than he can still try to achieve it, support him on that, tell him that he should try taking music lessons or he can try to work with music in some different way :D