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code zerro the deluge
August 6th, 2006, 05:00 AM
I take one last bow
Bow my head down towards the ground
Then I take one last look at the croud

I never would be where I am with out you
Facts and fiction its true
Make rhymes thats in your head that are stuck like glue
I was the Ringleader now I choos too

Some times I think I'm crazy
Sometimes you think I'm crazy
But I dont care
Think I'm a baby
But I'm still there
I am still here

This is my last single
I feel I cant keep up
Ver bit of me
Must leave this game
Time to come up with another change

Cause I broke down
And now I am out of control
I admit the was my goal
Now I'm out

Stanmd up while I stand down
Life is rough I pass down the crown
This is my moment of clarity
I have fallen down

Some times I think I'm crazy
Sometimes you think I'm crazy
But I dont care
Think I'm a baby
But I'm still there
I am still here


I quiet because I feel I cant make any thing good any more. I cant compete any more. I have lost my talent and I QUEIT!

Yuki N.
August 6th, 2006, 04:57 PM
You made a bit of spelling mistakes, but I think this poem is pretty much okay. Don't quit because you can still improve! No one started out really well, you know?

^-^

code zerro the deluge
August 7th, 2006, 01:41 PM
no one likes me any more. i am not good.

Merzbau
August 7th, 2006, 04:27 PM
Dude, if poetry is what you like to do, I say you continue on doing it. No one likes you? Pfft. Big deal. If I stopped writing poetry when my thread stopped getting views, I'd never have started. You're just getting started, dude. Don't throw out something you like to do just because it doesn't make you popular.

And besides, there will always be some people that will read and love your work. Keep at it for them. They're the ones you ought to love and respect. Ya know what I mean?

Poetry's no contest, in the first place. It's just a way of expressing yourself. And in this case, showing it off to people. You write mainly in a rap style, from what I've seen, and I'm not much a fan of that kinda work. That doesn't mean I don't see hope for you, though. You've written a lot. I remember looking through archives and seeing a whole page with your name on it. If you've had that much creativity before, then...man. Keep going.

You don't have to take my advice, but...I still don't think it's a good idea if you quit.

Either way, I still wish you luck.

EDIT: Btw, I liked the poem above. I didn't think to say it.

code zerro the deluge
August 8th, 2006, 04:56 AM
I'll try but if it doesn't cut out then i'm out.

Lily
August 8th, 2006, 07:38 AM
Sigh.

Sure. You can quit. You can quit what could've been a decent start of your writing career, let alone a favorite hobby, and not even bother to try again due to some silly self gratifying reason. "No one likes me anymore." <- Yuki/blackhaert JUST said they liked it and even supported you!...quitting simply because you claim no one likes you is a pathetic reason. You're twelve. Grow up, learn, and realize you are not the only writer in this world who struggles; we all do.

I admit that it's entirely in your favor whether or not to quit, but honestly, think about it. I don't wish to discourage, but I feel that quitting isn't exactly a way out in this case. =/


Best of luck in the future, Zerro, for whichever path you choose to take.

code zerro the deluge
August 8th, 2006, 07:56 AM
i said I am not going to quit

Lily
August 8th, 2006, 08:30 AM
I'll try but if it doesn't cut out then i'm out.

Your words beg to differ. >_>

code zerro the deluge
August 8th, 2006, 09:48 AM
i'll try thats what it means. if i dont like it I am leaving

Sakura
August 8th, 2006, 03:20 PM
Does it matter? You either worded it wrong or Lily didn't interpret right. At least you're going to write more. ^.^

I'm not an avid fan of rap, but I thought yours was okay. I'm too inexperienced, sorry. XD;


~M ♡

Dark Absol v2.0
August 8th, 2006, 06:31 PM
Ooooh......very nice poem. Good job. ^-^