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Hantsuki
September 19th, 2006, 06:13 PM
Alright. Don't ask because not even I know why I wrote this. I dunno how I was inspired either. o___O; Geez...I swear there are aliens taking over my brains and they make me do things that I didn't even know I could. =x This is my first real poem. I made other ones for school and such, but this is a poem that I made on my free will (I think...) and I was somehow inspired so that is why I wrote it. Well, hope you enjoy because I think this is just a first and last thing for me. o-o;

What if I really didn't give you hope?
Would you have continued to stay by my side?
What if everything I told you was a lie?
Would you continuously stab me until I die?

Did everything I say
mean nothing to you
or was it because
I wasn't entirely true?

What would you have said
if I if I told you
I was lying from the start?
Would you have accepted me
or would you have broken my heart?

What if we never even talked?
Would you have even noticed who I am?
What if you were in my position
and you didn't stay true?
Do you think I would have forgived you
or do you think I would have ignored you too?

Can life always be fair
or have you even noticed
or even care?
Times like these,
are they even worth it at all
or have you still not noticed
and allowed me to fall?

Life is hard
and no one's noticed,
but you have before
and yet you still ignore
the things we've done for each other;
it means nothing now.

Perhaps you still remember?
Yet it doesn't matter now.
Nothing does anymore
even if you finally think so
I do not
because I have now grown rotten to the core.

What if we started from the beginning?
Would we both have finally known
the misery we caused each other and atone?
What if it really was that simple?
Is that even possible?

Perhaps not,
but as I see you walk away,
I think to myself, "What if.."
and the different possiblities
to those never-ending questions
give me hope.

Sakura
September 22nd, 2006, 05:39 PM
This is very pretty! And I mean pretty in a good way, as in your method in expressing feelings. >.<

I do not mean to be critical, but one flaw I depicted was your way of digressing a little. Basically talking about the adversity of life, it's very difficult (in my opinion) to successfully convey this feeling without sounding too tedious. .=.;;; But overall, it shows skills and a deeper sense (which I hope you were aiming for....o.o = =).

A nice job indeed. ^_^


~M ♡

Hantsuki
September 29th, 2006, 03:25 PM
Thank you very much for your comment. It's highly appreciated. n__n

Yeah, that's what I was somehow aiming for. It's okay if you are critical. It helps me for next time...when I feel like making another poem. ^_^; Anyway, thanks for the advice and the comments. I'll keep them in mind for my next poem...if I decide to make another one that is. n.n;