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Until ThenxX
September 27th, 2006, 01:46 PM
Many of my poems aren't considered...how should I put this? Aren't for a younger audience, so I won't post those. I never show my poems to anyone, but I guess I will here.

Untitled

So filled with angst and sorrow;
Don't want to think about tomorrow,
I'll just lie here; bed ridden
My true self I'll keep hidden.

Fearing what others might see,
Scared of who I might really be.
Tell me what face to wear and I'll paint it;
Show me what view to see but I'll taint it

Shrug me off and take me for granted;
Who am I to you but some seed that you planted?
Hell if I care! I know how much I can grow.
Been through fires and floods more than I'll ever show.

So quiet and still, while others may shine,
But my chance is there and I'll take it, it's mine.
I'm so damn sure because the sun's on my face,
I'm not out on top but I'm still in the race.

code zerro the deluge
September 27th, 2006, 04:52 PM
OMG that was nice. keep posting your poems keep doing the buisness man. that was nice

Until ThenxX
September 30th, 2006, 03:02 PM
This one is one of the less-depressing ones. Thanks, Code Zero.

When Tomorrow Starts Without Me

When tomorrow starts without me,
And I'm not there to see;
If the sun should rise and find your eyes,
all filled with tears for me;
I wish so much you wouldn't cry,
the way you did today,
while thinking of the many things,
we didn't get to say.
I know how much you love me,
as much as I love you,
and each time that you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too;
But when tomorrow starts without me,
please try to understand,
that an angel came and called my name,
and took me by the hand,
and said my place was ready,
in Heaven far above,
and that I'd have to leave behind,
all those I dearly love.
But as I turned to walk away,
a tear fell from my eye,
for all life, I'd always thought,
I didn't want to die.
I had so much to live for,
so much yet to do,
it seemed almost impossible,
that I was leaving you.
I thought of all the yesterdays,
the good ones and the bad,
I thought of all the love we shared,
and all the fun we had.
If I could relive yesterday,
just even for awhile,
I'd say goodbye and kiss you
and maybe see you smile.
But then I fully realized,
that this could never be,
for emptiness and memories,
would take the place of me.
And when I thought of worldly things,
I might miss come tomorrow,
I thought of you;
and when I did,
My heart was filled with sorrow.
But when I walked through Heaven's gates,
I felt so much at home.
When He looked down and smiled at me,
From His Great Golden Throne,
He said; "This is eternity,
and all I've promised you.
Today your life on earth is past,
but here it starts, anew.

code zerro the deluge
October 4th, 2006, 03:49 PM
I loved it man. I think u are great.
good spelling and everything.

Midori Chi
October 4th, 2006, 04:45 PM
Both are truly wonderful. The first has wonderful wording, same with the second. And the second is both sad and happy at the same time, and I think it's my first time reading one like that.

Well done. : )

Until ThenxX
October 4th, 2006, 05:04 PM
Ah! Thank you so much, guys!

Here. Here's one I wrote a few years ago;;

Walking through this world of ours,
Strugling down that broken road again.
Through these tears she's cried for hours,
She walks back up those steps again.

So will no one tell her she's beautiful?
Or does she have to live her life alone?
Bleeding inside, with her broken smile.
The wounds so deep they can't be sown.

And there she is, alone again.
She cries herself to sleep at night.
Her soul numbens itself again;
She prays for someone to make this right.

And will no one help her up again?
Just save her from herself.
Will no one help her live again?
Change the cards she's been dealt.

A fallen angel come to Earth,
Cursed forever in this man-made hell.
She's bound by the chains she did not earn.
Hurt by the ones she loved so well.

But will no one tell her she's beautiful?
Or does she have to live a life alone..

Comments? Complaints? Constructive Criticism?
Holy C's!

Until ThenxX
October 4th, 2006, 05:09 PM
Ah! Thank you so much, guys!

Here. Here's one I wrote a few years ago;;

Walking through this world of ours,
Strugling down that broken road again.
Through these tears she's cried for hours,
She walks back up those steps again.

So will no one tell her she's beautiful?
Or does she have to live her life alone?
Bleeding inside, with her broken smile.
The wounds so deep they can't be sown.

And there she is, alone again.
She cries herself to sleep at night.
Her soul numbens itself again;
She prays for someone to make this right.

And will no one help her up again?
Just save her from herself.
Will no one help her live again?
Change the cards she's been dealt.

A fallen angel come to Earth,
Cursed forever in this man-made hell.
She's bound by the chains she did not earn.
Hurt by the ones she loved so well.

But will no one tell her she's beautiful?
Or does she have to live a life alone..

Comments? Complaints? Constructive Criticism?
Holy C's!

code zerro the deluge
October 5th, 2006, 03:16 AM
try not to double post. any way they are great. try not to use the same ryhming word to much. other than that good

Rena Ryuugu
October 5th, 2006, 05:24 PM
Really good. I sort of felt sad, but still sort of happy while reading these poems. I think that if you persue writing poetry as a career, you could truly go far. Keep up the excellent work!~

Sarah
PM me if you want to be friends!

Chuchino
October 5th, 2006, 07:19 PM
Ah! Thank you so much, guys!

Here. Here's one I wrote a few years ago;;

Walking through this world of ours,
Strugling down that broken road again.
Through these tears she's cried for hours,
She walks back up those steps again.

So will no one tell her she's beautiful?
Or does she have to live her life alone?
Bleeding inside, with her broken smile.
The wounds so deep they can't be sown.

And there she is, alone again.
She cries herself to sleep at night.
Her soul numbens itself again;
She prays for someone to make this right.

And will no one help her up again?
Just save her from herself.
Will no one help her live again?
Change the cards she's been dealt.

A fallen angel come to Earth,
Cursed forever in this man-made hell.
She's bound by the chains she did not earn.
Hurt by the ones she loved so well.

But will no one tell her she's beautiful?
Or does she have to live a life alone..

Comments? Complaints? Constructive Criticism?
Holy C's!

That's beautiful!

I've tried writing poetry before, and it always takes alot for me to make the words flow and sound.. well.. poetic.

But this is such an amazing piece. You make it flow perfectly, rhyme beautifully with the perfect words..

I love it <3