To Love, or be Loved?

[Frostweaver]

Valentine's Day is just over, and first of all, Frosty hopes that everyone else got a better Valentine's Day than Frosty. Staying at work and staring at textbooks all day to study is not the coolest Valentine's Day ever.

With all the best memories of the awesome date last night for all of you, let's have another mind provoking question...

If you can only choose one of those 2 options, meaning that you cannot choose the ideal relationship where both of you love one another... Will you rather want to be with someone who loves you yet you don't love him/her in return, or will you want to be with someone who you love yet you will not be loved in return?

Why will you pick what you've chosen for your relationship?


Just a silly little question for thought ^_^

[Dee Trier]

Second one. For me it's better if i can do something for the other rather than someone done something for me. Simple

[22sa]

I'd be with the more beautiful one. O_o;

But otherwise, it isn't hard to offer value to someone who "loves" you even if you don't love them back. So that'd be my second choice. =x ;) :P

[Krafty Quill]

For me, that would depend on the type of person she is and what intentions she has with the relationship. Truly devoting yourself to someone who doesn't love you back is a position with a lot pitfalls. If you're with a girl who doesn't return your affection, you're bound to question her reasons for being in the relationship somewhere along the line. Since it's not you she loves, what else could it be? Your money, your cars, the satisfaction she gets by totally playing you? If you're happy being a sugar daddy, things like that won't matter to you I guess, but it would be really sad if you were actually in love with such a person; they'd be taking advantage of both your assets and emotions. You'd be a lot safer with someone who truly loves you. At least in that situation, you'd have no reason to suspect their intentions or devotions. So, I'd rather be with someone who loves me but I don't love back. I'd imagine that would make me feel more powerful and in control of the relationship as well. =x

[Goku Goku]

I'm to love, because I like someone, yet the person doesn't know me much at all, and if we ever met, then she'd see me as a friend rather than a partner. :\

[Signomi]

I chose the first option. I'd rather be with someone who I don't love but loves me just the same, than someone whom I love and doesn't show me the same kind of affection. Imagining the latter can bring a depressing thought to mind. At least with the first, you'd know there's at least one person out there who loves and cares for you.

[Chibi-chan]

I'd rather be with someone I love who may not share the exact same feelings for me, really ^^; Well, not because I like this answer better than the first, it's just that the first answer creeps me out a lot; Someone who loves you that you don't really love...that could be anyone. It could be a stalker for all I know o.o; It could also be someone with a higher power than may be able to blackmail you; a perfect example is in the classic Tess of the D'Ubervilles. And if they do love you, what kind of love exactly; physical love, mental love? The latter would be a terrible reason to be with someone who just loves you...it's scary really. So yeah, because I'm freaked by the first one, I chose the second one XD

[Alter Ego]

Nyu, I feel for you, Frosty. I spent most of yesterday with lab reports and my comp. *Is such a pathetic person* Anyway, moving on to the actual question...

This is definitely a hard choice, I'll give it that. Being in love with someone who doesn't love you back means a lot of emotional torment with a side-order of public humiliation, but stringing along someone who really loves you is terribly unfair to the other person and, I should say, rather selfish.

Still, I'd rather go with being loved. I mean, even if it wasn't love I can't imagine not managing to at least like someone showing me such attention a whole lot, maybe even growing to love them over time? (I'd imagine that this is a hypothetical situation where that isn't an option, though) Even though it would probably make me feel seriously guilty, I'd at least try to keep that someone sort of happy (If not as happy as she maybe deserve's to be) and at the same time I'd be loved, whereas in the second option I wouldn't be loved and I'd merely be a nuisance for the other party, wherein both only get the negative side.

So yeah, option one for me. Selfish or no, it's the lesser of two evils.

[22sa]

I'd rather be with someone I love who may not share the exact same feelings for me, really ^^; Well, not because I like this answer better than the first, it's just that the first answer creeps me out a lot; Someone who loves you that you don't really love...that could be anyone. It could be a stalker for all I know o.o; It could also be someone with a higher power than may be able to blackmail you; a perfect example is in the classic Tess of the D'Ubervilles. And if they do love you, what kind of love exactly; physical love, mental love? The latter would be a terrible reason to be with someone who just loves you...it's scary really. So yeah, because I'm freaked by the first one, I chose the second one XD
I agree with your point. xD; For someone who doesn't want to waste their time with people they don't like, option #1 is pointless and self-deceiving.

[Drifblim]

To be with one who loves me irrespective of my feelings. At least I have someone who'll give me some confidence, and over time I might start loving her.

[Sana]

I think I'd rather love than be loved. To be honest, both options are going to be depressing for me; I'd feel guilty if I were loved and I'd feel upset if I loved and got nothing of it. But if I'm loved, I'd feel even worse. I hung up on a boy who said he had a crush on me. I felt really bad after that, and he never called back. It must've hurt him. I'd rather feel the hurt than have someone else feel it. (I've never had anyone have feelings for me after that... figures.)

Besides, if I love them, it doesn't exactly mean I'm fighting for their affection, right? If I have a crush on someone I know won't love me, I'm not even going to bother revealing my feelings. I know I'd feel better that way, and it might make the other person feel guiltless as well.

I was going to think of something else to say, but I forgot it. @@; I'll edit if I can remember.

[Alter Ego]

I agree with your point. xD; For someone who doesn't want to waste their time with people they don't like, option #1 is pointless and self-deceiving.

Actually, the option only states that you don't love the person, it doesn't say anything about not liking him/her. And don't forget, whereas #1 might be self-decieveing, as you put it, #2 reeks of stalkerishness. (Clinging to someone who doesn't want you around? xP) It's not like there is a good option here, so how about we avoid flaming either of the choices like that, eh? That kind of childish name-calling really doesn't help the debate. xP

[22sa]

It is true you're stalkerish if you still chase somebody whom keeps rejecting you but hey at least you KNOW you admire and love the person. Just from one person's perspective, #1 would be avoiding the person you love the most for someone you don't love as much but loves you. Therefore even if a relationship got going with you and that second-rate, it wouldn't be the best type of guy-girl relationship desirable, and therefore 'a waste of time,' since the one would still want somebody else more. Just that some types people would think this way. xD;

[Alter Ego]

It is true if you're stalkerish if you still chase somebody whom keeps rejecting you but hey at least you KNOW you admire and love the person. Just from one person's perspective, it would be avoiding the person you love the most for someone you don't love as much but loves you. Therefore even if a relationship got going with you and that second-rate, it wouldn't be the best type of guy-girl relationship desirable, and therefore 'a waste of time,' since the one would still want somebody else more.

You can't always get the best in this world, you know. Also, just because it isn't the ideal relationship (Lol, is there even such a thing?) it doesn't necessarily make it a waste of time. Anyhow, if you can call stalking love anymore then it's a very very twisted kind of love and really not something I'd like to indulge in. I mean, if you're honest about your feelings and about who you are and the other still doesn't want you then you should just move on rather than keep stalking and ruining the lives of both concerned. xP

So yeah, option #2 was just too creepy for me to take, hence #1. o.o

[22sa]

It's not twisted if you're confident about the person you admire.

I wouldn't do #2 either personally, but it's not because I think it's wrong... just I lack that sort of self-confidence that tells me I can somehow still benefit someone despite their lack of love for me. O_o;

[Frostweaver]

When I made the question in mind, I thought that I have thought of all the possibilities already... but "stalker love" totally slipped from my mind XD;

True that there are many factors to consider...

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For those who pick the first option to be loved instead of to love, how well can you contain your emotion to be with only the one guy/girl? Knowing very well that s/he is not your top choice, someone else is always in your mind, yet this someone else is the one who's beside you at this very moment. Are you so certain that you can keep the relationship going before you break it up yourself for your own sanity?

What about what Nayana suggested? Does it hurt your conscience and provoke guilt in you to accept someone who genuinely loves you yet you cannot possibly return the same feeling that s/he maybe expecting to get when you accept the relationship?

<><><>

For those who picked the 2nd option to love than to be loved... Certainly there is no stability in life for it, as you maybe constantly rejected. The other person may perhaps be with you, but someone else is always occupying his or her mind. Can you truly accept this?

Say that the person who you really love finally accepts you, but you "know" that s/he doesn't really love you in the same manner. Like what Krafty said, what if s/he accepts your relationship with other intentions in mind...?

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*mind torments* ;p

[Auron]

I prefer being loved. Well...Nah...

I don't know nothing about these things !! xDD

The think I know is that I won't be with someone I don't love.

[Warheart]

I would rather be with someone who I knew loves me, because at least that way I know I have a chance of working the relationship out with them, rather than hunting down,, and staying with someone who I know doesn't feel the same way about me, as I feel about her.

If that makes any sense...

Not so much focused on physical "beauty," but even if I don't have sexual feelings towards someone, I could love them as a friend, or even just someone to talk with every once in a while.

[Allstories]

I would rather love. I'd feel very selfish if someone loved me and I couldn't return the affection, and I suppose it's better to have loved and lost. Plus, this option probably mirrors real life most accurately anyway.

[Lily]

...First of all, allow me to express my wound--I am deeply offended as to the fact you've never even once acknowledged T H I S (http://pkmncommunity.com/showthread.php?t=65184) thread. You even posted in it! >O! So this is certainly not a silly question!

Moving on, repeating myself, I'd choose to love and be unloved. That's how it is, anyway. =P

edit; I realize that thread is from 2006....*>>* Oh well~

[Dactylus]

Pft. Be loved and not love. I'm naturally a very touchy person, so at least this supposed love-laden girl would get hugs and whatnot. Liking without returned feelings can be extremely rough.

I know that the girl I like (I say like, because we both are skeptical to believe love is possible at younger ages) is the most amazing person I know, and if she didn't like me back I might go crazy o.o

[.Bastion]

I picked the first option simply because it was the most reasonable.

To love and not be loved in return is absolutely horrible. To go on everyday and give out my heart to a person who doesn't do the same seems too hurtful for words.

Now, To be loved and not love that person is actually ok, and probably more likely in the real world. If I came home to someone that truly loved me, then I would be truly happy. I could even grow to love the person. Plus its a much better option than just to not be loved in return.

[Makoto]

I'm sorry to say I've experienced both in my life, I can say from that experience it's better to not love and be loved than vice versa.....

To not love and be loved is kind of....empty. You're not really happy or sad, almost like a zombie, so to speak....

However, to love and be unloved is worse.... it's not the emptiness from before, it's nothing but sadness and gloom, all around... you wonder why you even get up in the morning. You wish you wouldn't. You may get a spark of happiness here and there, but only rarely, and I mean very rarely.... Unrequited love is the worst kind there is.... >_>

However, now I love and love back, and I can truly say I've never been happier... ^^

[Misayu]

I'm sorry to say I've experienced both in my life, I can say from that experience it's better to not love and be loved than vice versa.....

To not love and be loved is kind of....empty. You're not really happy or sad, almost like a zombie, so to speak....

However, to love and be unloved is worse.... it's not the emptiness from before, it's nothing but sadness and gloom, all around... you wonder why you even get up in the morning. You wish you wouldn't. You may get a spark of happiness here and there, but only rarely, and I mean very rarely.... Unrequited love is the worst kind there is.... >_>

However, now I love and love back, and I can truly say I've never been happier... ^^

I <3 those words~

Its impossible to love someone that doesnt love you back or even be loved by some you cant stand or something. It's better that the person shares the same feelings as you because it makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside and you know they will be with you forever.

As Dylan said, I've never been happier than what I am and I'll be with him forever and for always. <3

[Uiariamu_Shibu]

I'm in the first option's position all the time,so I'd choose what I'm used to,I guess....

[Arashi]

I'd prefer to be with someone I love. However, that person would have to want to be loved. XD

Anyway, I know I'd feel less comfortable to be with a person I love, but I'd also feel better. If I was with someone who loved me but that would get no love, I'd feel pretty bad.

[Z!$H!]

I am loved but i not love that person!

[xcutedivisionx]

I'm probably a girl who would choose to be in love with someone even if I don't get love back. I wouldn't want to be with someone I don't like even if he loves me.

[Kylie-chan]

To be loved is nothing; it is to be preferred that I desire. -- Gide.

I'd rather be the unrequited lover, as I'd hate for anyone to feel bad over me. O_o

[Linoone]

I like the reciprocal love, but if I only can choose those, then I choose to love o!o

[Phani]

It's kinda selfish but I'd rather someone love me rather than me loving someone else and them not returning the favour (I've already tried that and it hurts >.<). Plus the feeling of being acknowledged and loved for who you are is a great feeling, selfish maybe, but great nontheless. I'm actually quite surprised with the results myself, thought there'd be more of us neglectors ^^".

[22sa]

To be loved is nothing; it is to be preferred that I desire. -- Gide.

I'd rather be the unrequited lover, as I'd hate for anyone to feel bad over me. O_o
Really? o_o I find it extremely easy to deal with those whom love you, whether I love them back or not. But when I love I become in danger of making many blind or wrong comments. =D

[CHaRiSMa]

I would rather see if somebody loved me and I wouldn't love him in return than vice versa.. I can't help myself.. I am a very touchy person when it comes to realtionships (in terms of partnership as well as friendship). I cannot stand being rejected, neglected or generally ignored by other ppl. This is the thing that get's me down the most. That is also why I have phases from time to time when I question myself: ˝Do my friends and family actually love me?˝ and so I'm always very happy when I meet yet another person who loves me in whatever way. Maybe I am spoiled.. but due to family problems that I have been experiencing through my life.. it is very hard for me to love somebody and recieve nothing in return. Even if I do love someone it is hard for me to just show my feelings that is why I am a very closed-up person.


So basically I choose #1. The only thing that would bother me if I was in such a situation, so if a guy loved and I wouldn't return the favor, is that I would always worry for the person. I mean I would try to make him as happy as possible.. but there's always something missing.. not enough. I would esp feel bad if I was to date somebody knowing that there is also this other person who loves me.. Ah well life can suck sometimes.

[Bombsey]

I am loved but i not love that person!

All your love are belong to us.

I suppose they all have their disadvantages...

Loving someone [if they don't love you back] could potentially be very frustrating...

Someone loving you can make you feel bad, since you may feel you're not good enough, and/or that they should love someone better than you.

Not loving anyone, or no one loving you, can make you feel lonely.

And being truly in love with someone...you could become paranoid of losing them.

NEGATIVE BE THIS POST.

[Nayuri]

To love or be loved; it's hard to choose. To be completely devoted to someone and doing whatever you can to make that person happy, or to be hopelessly loved by someone without conveying the same feeling in return; it's a bleak situation. I've always wanted to be truly loved by someone. I can honestly say I've experienced true love before, or at least I feel I have, though my life experiences have made me realise something. I've learned it's far better to give than to receive. So, while it would be more painful for me, I would much rather be the one to love and be unloved. Assuming I would also be aware that this other person did not love me back, I would do my best not to burden them with the guilt of leaving me loveless.

Well, that's about all I'd like to say on this topic, though I'm sure I could have said more.

~Kelsey

[Aegis]

To be honest I'd probably choose the first one. Yeah I know it's selfish but, I don't think I'd like to be the one loving and then turned down.

[QT Plusle]

The second one. I think if you love people, it will spearead happiness which is just so sweet *squee! ^^

[~*!*~Queen Boo~*!*~]

I'm not sure its quite confusion so I pick the second one because it made more sense to me

:t354:~*!*~Queen Boo~*!*~

[Loyal Arcanine]

That's a really difficult question. I think I'd take the first option, provided that I have a certain affection for the other even if I can't return the love they have for me. I would really get very depressed in the other situation.

[Reine Blair]

I'd love and not be loved. I'm one of those people who likes giving things even if I don't recieve anything back. So, same thing applies for this topic. Plus, I always feel bad when I cannot return someone elses feelings when they like me.

So yes, to love.

[goofy_charizard_girl]

I don't really care. If I still enjoy the company of the person that I don't love and if he didn't feel uncomfortable with me, because we don't share the same feelings I don't see the problem why I wouldn't be with him. Though I wouldn't neither mind if I was with someone who I love. :D

[Rainfall]

I wouldn't ruin someone elses life if they didn't love me back and I loved them. I'd love them enough to let them go. And if they loved me and I didn't love them, then I'd probably love them anyways because no one really loves me.