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lt.bob
February 18th, 2007, 04:56 AM
Chapter One
First Battle

"Pikachu, dodge it!" yelled Dom. There was a flash of yellow as the Pikachu bolted away from the solarbeam.
The solarbeam blew hunks of dirt into the air. Impusively, the Pikachu did a powerful thunder attack on the Chikorita. Caught off guard, the Chikorita caught the full brunt of the blow. Chikorita fell over, tried to get up then fainted.
Dom's friend, Hale, said, "That was good first battle. We should get out of here before some soldiers catch us, they'll get mad if they find us by the Holtzman generators."
Before they could move strange shapes dropped out of the sky. Though they had never seen one, the two boys knew it was a cymek attack. They realized that the thinking machines had targeted Selusa Secundas.

~Night
February 18th, 2007, 05:07 AM
I sure hope that is just the starting of the chapter because that sure is short, but that is a good beginning of a chapter.

AC Coda X
February 18th, 2007, 11:44 AM
Well, I'll say this: At least your grammar is mostly Ok. Emphasis on "mostly". A paragraph is not a chapter. A paragraph is a roleplaying post. Meh. You have an idea here, but you need to elaborate to make it a fanfic. Go read the rules, lengthen your chapter, and come back when you're finished, please.

Alter Ego
February 18th, 2007, 01:05 PM
Eh, yeah...what they said.

This fic is in violation of the section rules, so I'm going to have to report ya'. Feel free to post again once you've written up a proper chapter. As it is, this thing wouldn't even pass for an RP post. Until you can produce at least one full chapter (See fanfic section rules for definition) you shouldn't start a thread. :\