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code zerro the deluge
March 18th, 2007, 05:34 AM
So yall people don't review me anymore
Well I'll tell you what
I got more in store
I will never quiet
At this rap ******
Cause I fit

With these guns and these scars of my past
I could take you back
Really just take you back
You would be amazed
At the fact
That I used to have everyone kissing my *******
Just because I told the truth

Please lies will be told
I will be bold
The only one soldier on here
Who in my world
My dear
I fear
That come with a degree
That makes me mean
Hell Eminem can have it
But I am the cursed MC

Who is the boy who sites hours and hours
Just writing
And making lyrics to songs already been made
Whose ideas have been sampled
I will pave he way
I creat this little bit
Of *******
Out of my concience monstar
Let me stop before I take it farther

I need someone
Who can take away this pain
And the laughs from so long ago
That burns me up
I can't forget
I am in the bodomless pit

I am the one that hussles and hussles
Just for one shot
That I never get to take
But I will never ever fake
What I do
Cause guess what
I stay true

oni flygon
March 18th, 2007, 12:12 PM
Please. Look around you. Look at other threads. Do you see reviews? Maybe one or two. But of course, you won't get reviews by just ranting about not getting them, maybe you will, but it's at the spite of me just telling you to stop getting attention, and attention will come if you really are great at writing poetry. Go in a couple of contests or something, read more poetry, and not just stick to one side of poetry (rap, in your case). Read something from William Carlos Williams or maybe e.e. cummings or maybe Whitman, I don't know, just go out there rather than let your poetry remain unevolved and static. Poetry flows. If you let it stagnate, then it's not poetry.

Careful With That Axe, Pichu!
March 18th, 2007, 06:27 PM
code, some of those verses are not appropiate, not in this forum. Don't get yourself a warning, you're smarter than that.

And pink-tiger, your comment did not contribute at all. Please refrain from posting if you're not capable of building a proper comment/review.


I can't really say much about the poem since Niko explained it all already. You don't need to whine; be witty. Read more. Comment more. Participate and keep writing.

Reviewing other's work always helps to get yourself reviews.

pink-tiger
March 19th, 2007, 02:09 PM
-_____-
That was...warsh..but sure what them 2 said.......*runs*
I guess you must clear your mind and get the anger out.Then write about your feeling..
I just deleted it..Hope thats ok?

code zerro the deluge
March 19th, 2007, 06:13 PM
i wasnt whining about anything. critics and reviews was just the title.

dstaley
April 6th, 2007, 09:39 PM
I get the jist of your . . . rap? Anyway, the blipped out words make it confusing to someone who doesn't expect them, and makes it all the harder to read. Also, it doesn't flow well, and I had a hard time finding a rhythm, something a rap has to have. Now, I'm not saying that it stinks, or is terrible, just that it needs quite a lot of work. I'm not sure how long you worked on it, but try and edit it yourself, read and re-read hundreds of times. Remember, would you be proud to put your name on it?