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Kura
March 20th, 2007, 03:51 PM
First of all.. I don't know if this'll get locked, but I don't think it should because I want to make it open for discussion about bullying and emotional things, too.

I know many of you one here, especially the newbies, have been to a place where you've known no-one. But many people, in my opinion, don't know the impact of what it really feels like to actually -feel- alone.
It's one thing not having someone to talk to, and a totally different thing when a person feels like others want to avoid them. It's an emotional thing, and it's a psychological thing. Sometimes it can even be a physical thing.

In another thread that was locked, Crystal Walrien stated that the maker of the thread should just try to talk to someone on the forum. Though that is true, sometimes I think that it's not that simple. Just because you can physically -talk- or -type- to someone means nothing. You can still feel distant.

It's especially hurtful when you say hello to someone, and they deliberately ignore you. It makes you feel withdrawn because then thereafter you feel like not even putting in effort because it happens again and again. At least, that's what happens to me, anyways.

Gragondora, the starter of the locked thread, said that she was feeling alone and felt like she was doing something wrong.
I personally think that she/he did not do anything wrong. My explaination for this is that many others may like to bully people that they think don't have any 'backup' since it's less of a threat to them.
I think that in order to keep your mind off of it, you should try not to worry to much, and do stuff that you like to pass the time. Try to talk to new people and remember to keep an open mind.


Anyways, basically, this is a thread about feeling alone. Feeling alone is often nowadays associated with "being emo." I don't think that people should be deemed "emo" just because they have no one to relate to.

So.. tell your story. Say why you've been feeling alone lately. Maybe we can try to relate to each other a bit so that you don't feel so distant. Offer some advice and try to help each other out in life.

(Also to note.. there's a girlfriend/boyfriend help thread somewhere in OC.. I don't know if it's expired.. but I'd appreciate that stuff about feeling lonely after breaking up with a significant other be placed there. I'm trying to talk about feeling alone in general, so unless you can post about that and back it up, then it's fine. I just don't want posts like: "I'm so lonely cuz my gf broke up with me :<.")

(Note #2: ._. I hope this isn't locked because I tried to make it as universal as possible. Besides, I know a lot of people feel lonely, so I thought it'd be nice to share each other's experiences.)

Frostweaver
March 20th, 2007, 03:53 PM
Pretty sure that the original "I'm so lonely" post is directed at me at the fanfiction forum XD;


A part of "help" isn't necessarily directly answering the question, and do as asked/instructed. Sometimes, the community will go out of the way to point you back to the right path that many of us have walked through by experience. We can assume that we wrote/reviewed many more fanfics than you, so we know what works and what doesn't pretty easily to give some in depth constructive criticism on why it is faulty to use a thread to "ask for characters."

Certainly, it is not the nicest thing to hear because it is far from a praise (more like opposite), but sometimes we simply have to learn from mistakes and advice. On the reverse, we made sure to explain our points so we are not "insulting" anyone from the middle of the blue. We make sure that our post point out what is wrong, and explain why it is wrong. Afterward, we provide a suitable solution if we know how to solve the problem.

Lack of hugs? Yes... but not trying to help, not exactly... we do try if you do ask, though we do lack sugar with the packages (at least, from me that is.)

Surely in many other occassions and not just PC, this sort of thing always happens... ask for help, but feel like you get chewed out instead. But think about critical comments sometimes... If they don't make sense, always bug the one who made it in the first place to explain it. Sometimes, maybe they do have a point but you just don't see it at the moment (sometimes they don't, and in those cases where that person refuse to admit/explain it, then contact someone else about it too.)

Kura
March 20th, 2007, 04:11 PM
Pretty sure that the original "I'm so lonely" post is directed at me at the fanfiction forum XD;


A part of "help" isn't necessarily directly answering the question, and do as asked/instructed. Sometimes, the community will go out of the way to point you back to the right path that many of us have walked through by experience. We can assume that we wrote/reviewed many more fanfics than you, so we know what works and what doesn't pretty easily to give some in depth constructive criticism on why it is faulty to use a thread to "ask for characters."

Certainly, it is not the nicest thing to hear because it is far from a praise (more like opposite), but sometimes we simply have to learn from mistakes and advice. On the reverse, we made sure to explain our points so we are not "insulting" anyone from the middle of the blue. We make sure that our post point out what is wrong, and explain why it is wrong. Afterward, we provide a suitable solution if we know how to solve the problem.

Lack of hugs? Yes... but not trying to help, not exactly... we do try if you do ask, though we do lack sugar with the packages (at least, from me that is.)

Surely in many other occassions and not just PC, this sort of thing always happens... ask for help, but feel like you get chewed out instead. But think about critical comments sometimes... If they don't make sense, always bug the one who made it in the first place to explain it. Sometimes, maybe they do have a point but you just don't see it at the moment (sometimes they don't, and in those cases where that person refuse to admit/explain it, then contact someone else about it too.)


Nah, I don't think I'm referring to fanfiction. I'm referring to real life, mostly, but it can also apply to the internet, too.
I'm referring to people talking to other people. I'm talking about when people are trying to socialize.

Sometimes they may have a point, but I don't think that gives them the right reason to ignore another person, especially when the other person is trying to fix their flaws, but I don't want to base all that I say on personal experiences.

As for hugs, I don't give hugs much, and that's probably because I don't get hugs much, but I don't mind it. When someone enjoys being around me, I can feel their presence and I don't need a hug to let me know that I'm not "alone."
But it's when people seem like they're off in space when I talk to them when I feel like I'm talking to myself in an empty room. And that's when I feel alone.

I'm not trying to say that the feeling is a light feeling. I know I'll probably get things like: "but they talk to you so you're not alone."
The thing is, I'm using that situation as an example. People -don't- actually talk to me.

But like I said, I do things by myself that make me happy. I draw or do Calligraphy. I go hiking. I'm trying to enjoy my own company.
And I think that's the secret to feeling alone. Though I still do feel lonely much of the time, I try to do these things to make it better.

Frostweaver
March 20th, 2007, 05:56 PM
Oh no, was referring to the one by gragandora XD; He started a thread there which was not too welcomed in the fanfiction forum due to what we consider as some flaws in the logic to it =x

Ah I was only using the hugs as an expression and not really giving it XD; Sometimes, people talk about something, and then "aw pity you *Hug*" situation? Somehow that's a very strong symbol of well loved and caring. Well, just because people don't do that and instead throw criticism that's not good for the ear, they still care about you.

There are also the reverse argument... there's a lack of privacy because you're always with someone. You go to work and you're surrounded by fellow staff members. You go home, and there's your family with parents and siblings. Wherever you go, there's the invention of cell phones that remind you how you're still surrounded by people.

Well, safe to say that I'm pretty relatively introverted and mostly antisocial XD; I don't feel comfortable talking to strangers in some of my university classes, especially when it's one of those in HUGE lecture halls of 300+ people ><; When you see people already forming little groups and chatting, it feels naturally wrong/intimidating to barge in and chat... then yes, in those moments, you do feel kinda lonely... Things are personally better for me if the environment is smaller. It's so much easier to make new friends and talk then in those places/classes. But the math class with all those people? I just sit all by myself in a corner, taking notes, then rush out of class afterwards XD;

22sa
March 21st, 2007, 08:00 AM
:P There's no helping getting hurt if you expect anyone you talk to will always have a place for you in their hearts. People aren't that great, especially in the modern world were distractions are getting increasing abundant, but hey, that's why giving has value in this world.

All I can say is stop focusing on things outside your own discretion, and just do what you can do. There are tons of places to go to look for people to relate to.

Auron
March 21st, 2007, 08:07 AM
Nah, I use to be alone. And ?? Nah, I'm got used. Sometimes I feel alone, sometimes not.

Blastoise
March 21st, 2007, 09:14 PM
I feel lonely right now because I'm being worked to the bone at school, and I come home every day to an empty house. My mom's working twelve-hour shifts at a hospital to help me save money so I can go to a good university, and my dad's always worked. My brother currently lives in Salzburg, Austria...I'm alone until 7:30 at night. It'll be nice when I can actually feel like I live with other people again, when my brother comes back and we can hang out.

Frostweaver
March 22nd, 2007, 02:17 AM
I feel lonely right now because I'm being worked to the bone at school, and I come home every day to an empty house. My mom's working twelve-hour shifts at a hospital to help me save money so I can go to a good university, and my dad's always worked. My brother currently lives in Salzburg, Austria...I'm alone until 7:30 at night. It'll be nice when I can actually feel like I live with other people again, when my brother comes back and we can hang out.

Somehow whenever I face that situation, such as now, I just find company through the internet to chat with fellow friends who are worked ot the bone by the same assignment from school. When you know that you aren't alone in the same situation, somehow to me at least, I feel that I'm pretty well off then in the idea of "I'm suffering from a universal problem where everyone is with you."

Lord Mike
March 22nd, 2007, 05:54 AM
I hate when people say "Waaa! I'm lonely!". Well you know what? Help yourself out for crying out loud. I mean, seriously, when people are in depression or suffering from post-whatever, they don't even bother to make an effort to help themselves out. I dislike people who refuse to help themselves when in a state of sadness. I don't like to be around people like that. I prefer people that actually make half an effort to help themselves and others out.

Makoto
March 22nd, 2007, 06:53 AM
I hate when people say "Waaa! I'm lonely!". Well you know what? Help yourself out for crying out loud. I mean, seriously, when people are in depression or suffering from post-whatever, they don't even bother to make an effort to help themselves out. I dislike people who refuse to help themselves when in a state of sadness. I don't like to be around people like that. I prefer people that actually make half an effort to help themselves and others out.

You're missing the point... This is about people who are ignored all the time and lonely, whether they try to be social and make friends or not... Much like a very young Gaara or Naruto.

Me, I also fit the topic perfectly.... I'm not really lonely though... Alone, but not lonely, usually. I get that way sometimes, but I get over it..... I could go into a long story of why I am the way I am, but I don't want to bore you. :x

22sa
March 22nd, 2007, 07:04 AM
Much like a very young Gaara or Naruto.
Admittantly, I'd drop friends for Kyuubi or Shukaku any day, though. :x

Amachi
March 22nd, 2007, 07:33 AM
I hate when people say "Waaa! I'm lonely!". Well you know what? Help yourself out for crying out loud. I mean, seriously, when people are in depression or suffering from post-whatever, they don't even bother to make an effort to help themselves out. I dislike people who refuse to help themselves when in a state of sadness. I don't like to be around people like that. I prefer people that actually make half an effort to help themselves and others out.
I wonder if you realise that people can't always help themselves out.

Depression and post traumatic stress are both serious mental issues. People afflicted with these conditions can have their judgement clouded. A classic example of this would be attempting suicide.

Yeah, I can understand that you don't like those who won't help themselves out, but you must also consider the fact that they might have given up on just about everything.

Moreover, the help that these suffering people receive may not always work out, further discouraging them. In addition, they may think that they are completely alone, with no one to offer even an ounce of support.

Heck, some people want to be depressed. I know I'd sometimes rather think about my deceased cousin than be all happy and smiles.

And it seems to me that you have no empathy or compassion for other people.

Lord Mike
March 22nd, 2007, 08:54 AM
I have empathy and compassion, and I understand what you're saying. I hope you figured out I was talking about the people who simply chose to be sad. I have much empathy and compassion. I see someone with a down face, I ask them what's wrong, and sometimes give them advice. I'm sorry if you took my post to the degree of simple coldheartness, but that's not what I meant. But don't worry; I'll refrain from future posts similar to that one that you simply cannot comprehend.

SkyAttack
March 22nd, 2007, 11:09 AM
When you're dealing with human emotions, you can't really view things in black and white. There is a huge grey area, and most emotional issues, causes and effects, etc. fall into this. Sure, there are some people out there who could help themselves and choose not to because it would require more effort than they are willing to give...however much or little that may be. This complacency frustrates me as well, because I don't feel as much sympathy for those who by CHOICE don't help themselves when they can. The same applies for not helping others when you can as well, but this is another issue.

There are times in many peoples' lives where they do feel alone and isolated, and they cannot help themselves out of it very easily at all. Sometimes it seems as though no matter what you do or how hard you try, you just can't escape the sadness and apathy.

I've been there, almost 4 years ago, when I was 17. I developed a chronic condition that made me feel very sick to my stomach all the time, and it worsened whenever I ate anything. It was so bad that I stopped eating because I was afraid of the sick feeling I knew I would get. There was no way to escape it, and no cure for it. It got to the point where I wasn't eating anything all day, only when I grew so weak I could barely stand up would I eat, and I would only try to eat a single chicken strip or a few Oreo cookies, and then I would starve again. I became extremely thin, I only weighed 86 pounds at 5' 4''. People tried to empathize with me by telling me that they felt horrible for me, and that I looked like a starving person...but the knowledge of how sickly I looked just deepened my depression. I would rarely go anywhere in public, I stopped hanging out with my friends, and basically doing anything outside my house because I felt so sick and reclusive. I felt like "Why would anyone want to be with such a pathetic person?", so I felt very alone, and I just couldn't do anything more to bring myself into a better state of mind. I tried absolutely everything I could do in my power, but it just wasn't enough.

Eventually, just the sheer fact that I was so depressed began to wear on my mind...and I was tired of it. Something had to change. I felt too lonely and pathetic to carry on that way...and I'm not one to give up. Ever. So, instead of going the way some people do, wanting to "end it all" and give up, I started telling myself I'd had enough and I was done feeling that way. I'd had a verbally abusive and cruel boyfriend at the time as well,and his nastiness had made me feel worse about myself. Looking back now, I'm kind of glad he was so horrible, because when I started trying to pull myself out of my depression, thinking about how cruel he was just fueled the change. Something that helped a lot was ditching him...it was incredibly empowering, and from then on, I knew I could get back to normal.

It's been years now, and my health has returned, and I've been in a MUCH better state of mind. In fact, I'm a far stronger and better person from having the experience. Even the strongest people have very hard times, and sometimes it requires an outside event or another person to help them get back to normal. It's terrible to feel so lonely, I felt that way for 8 months straight. BUT, it will get better. What helped me was developing the emotional strength to start a dramatic change from the inside. Know that you're not alone, that other people have been through this before, and that the mind is extremely powerful. You have the strength inside you to make things better again, and even if it requires some help from an outside source, when the right time comes things will change and you will leave that lonely feeling behind you. :)

Kura
March 22nd, 2007, 11:46 AM
I hate when people say "Waaa! I'm lonely!". Well you know what? Help yourself out for crying out loud. I mean, seriously, when people are in depression or suffering from post-whatever, they don't even bother to make an effort to help themselves out. I dislike people who refuse to help themselves when in a state of sadness. I don't like to be around people like that. I prefer people that actually make half an effort to help themselves and others out.

Many people are too afraid of getting hurt to approach other people. They're scared that the other person will turn them down.
Unless you've been through some sort of "post-whatever," I don't think you could understand. It has to do with too much seratonin to the brain, and that therefore makes that person hyper-sensitive. It's like a hormone. (Like when girls get really emotional during their pre-menstrual time.)

I doubt that that person -wants- to be sad, either. I think they just want someone else to reach out and help them. They want a saviour and someone that'll get them out of the hole they've dug. I think they just want to feel like there are other people out there that -would- care enough to do something like that for them, and only then will they feel loved and not alone anymore.

But that's just my opinion, and I agree a LOT with SkyAttack~

Lord Mike
March 22nd, 2007, 03:25 PM
Unless you've been through some sort of "post-whatever," I don't think you could understand. It has to do with too much seratonin to the brain, and that therefore makes that person hyper-sensitive. It's like a hormone. Blah blah blah...yada yada yada...

I'm well aware of that. I'm probably going to have a career in the field of neurology, so don't stand here and give me your little science lesson. I know this stuff. I'm been through it before, and I've managed to help myself out. And you cannot spend your whole life of being scared of others because they might hurt you. Life is simply too short for that, and it seems you fail understand that.

Also, read my next post after post you quoted from me and maybe you'll learn to justify you response to my post. =/

Good day.

Kura
March 22nd, 2007, 06:12 PM
I'm well aware of that. I'm probably going to have a career in the field of neurology, so don't stand here and give me your little science lesson. I know this stuff. I'm been through it before, and I've managed to help myself out. And you cannot spend your whole life of being scared of others because they might hurt you. Life is simply too short for that, and it seems you fail understand that.

Also, read my next post after post you quoted from me and maybe you'll learn to justify you response to my post. =/

Good day.


I don't fail to understand anything o_o; I'm just making a point that I think that being afraid might be the reason why most people don't want to help themselves.

I'm not giving you a science lesson, I'm just voicing my opinions as you have. I've been through it before and I've helped myself out, too! We just have different experiences :3~

Good day to you, too! (No, I'm not being sarcastic) Theres no -need- to be sarcastic! I'm just stating how I feel, and I didn't expect you to agree with me but I wanted to make a point, anyways~ I wanted to make a point because I -can- make a point~ It's free to state your opinions. (After watching "I, Robot" I've been feeling all "Oi.. what if you were restricted to do all these things!?" .. but that's besides the point.)

Anyways.. I really don't think there are people who -want- to be sad. They want the attention, and they want the security, I think. I believe they might be afraid of change and therefore don't want to change their habits. I also think that maybe conciously they might think that they don't deserve to be happy.

*Shrugs* Whatever the reason, I think it's wrong to treat them any differently. I think you should show everyone compassion and respect.

Lord Mike
March 23rd, 2007, 02:11 PM
Man, I hate it when people put words in your mouth. I was voicing my what I think, and don't patronize me for that. And I never meant sarcasm; I'm not a sarcastic person, so the way you used the word "sarcasm" was incorrect.

And believe it or not, opinions are relevant to this conversion, and you seem to think that too. Wow, we finally agreed on something. =/

I do hope you have a nice day. ^_^ (and read my words "That wasn't sarcasm")

Kura
March 23rd, 2007, 02:32 PM
Man, I hate it when people put words in your mouth. I was voicing my what I think, and don't patronize me for that. And I never meant sarcasm; I'm not a sarcastic person, so the way you used the word "sarcasm" was incorrect.

And believe it or not, opinions are relevant to this conversion, and you seem to think that too. Wow, we finally agreed on something. =/

I do hope you have a nice day. ^_^ (and read my words "That wasn't sarcasm")

o_o No no! I never meant that you were being sarcastic! I said that because I didn't want you to think -I- was being sarcastic by also stating that I hope you have a good day, too! I'm sorry for the misunderstanding! I just think that it's nice when people wish each other well when they're on different terms~

Yeah, I didn't mean to patronize you, I just believe in something different and wanted to state it.

Thanks! I hope you have a good day, too! :3 *smile*~