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slayeryu12
April 3rd, 2007, 07:12 AM
Let the blood rush in, don't let it pour out
Let the light rush in, not the doubt
I'll help you shoot the pain away
Take every drop of the acidic rain away
My light will pave the way
To make this day worth the stay

Let the blood rush in, don't let it pour out
Let the light rush in, not the doubt
Why is it that you force yourself to pay?
When nothing wrong came from your stay
I sit and hope and pray
That maybe your touch will seize my day

Let the blood rush in, don't let it pour out
Let the ligh rush in, not the doubt

oni flygon
April 5th, 2007, 09:54 AM
Mind you, "blood" is an overused word. :P

Anyway, it's an okay poem. The little repetitions are okay, but not used to an effect, except to fill in stanzas maybe. Rhymes are a little... bland. Can't really describe it, but the rhymes aren't really much the best. Decent structure overall, but can't really say it's something amazingly good. Maybe a little bit of spontaneity?

Poet of Darkness
April 8th, 2007, 10:49 AM
I think this poem expresses a lot of things and i think it shows the power of what self mutilation can do.
At least thats my opinion so dont mind it.