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Poet of Darkness
April 6th, 2007, 02:49 PM
Hi guys. I just came up with a poem so i was hoping you could read and post a review about it thanks.Hope you like it.

Darkness
my soul drifting in the sea of eternity,
hope, crushed
and then,
light
flooding the darkness of my mind
bringing with it hope
joy
happiness will prevail


Thanks for reading!!!

Suki
April 10th, 2007, 03:56 AM
Hey I enjoyed reading this cuz of your different use of verbs xD

It was short and cool

Poet of Darkness
April 10th, 2007, 05:57 AM
Awesome
Thanks suki
When i wrote this i was thinging of all the evils of the world.

Hantsuki
April 10th, 2007, 06:12 PM
It's a rather simplistic poem which I like and it portrays great meaning. I suggest using better placement with the words in each line and punctuating so the reader will know what the flow of the poem feels like. Also, if you want to make this an excellent poem, you should check out a thesaurus and replace common words like: "happiness," "joy," "bringing," etc. with words with more meaning or connotation to get the reader interested. That's just some advice though. It's your choice to take it or not. Otherwise, it's a pretty good poem.

Careful With That Axe, Pichu!
April 11th, 2007, 09:42 AM
Rather plain and expectable, bears no surprises and a dim yet maybe clichéd meaning. It's kinda ordinary considering it's length and it seems more as a filler. There's an acceptable choice of words, nevertheless, like Hantsuki said, they lack meaning.

I suggest making it longer it to an extent where you could fit in more imagery and so to portray a more certain meaning. People could come up with many interpretations to its depth and it's the best not to always have to explain the work's purpose yourself.

A different, clearer structure is always good.