The Joke Thread

[Midnight Beat]

You know everybody enjoys a good joke whether it is all the time or just to brighten up thier day so here you can post jokes that really make you laugh. However I do feel that this thread has the potential to get out of hand if you are to take the jokes to heart. So to avoid conflict here are some rules:

- No racist and or sexist jokes
- Keep all the jokes as clean as possible
- Don't take any of the jokes here to heart they are ment to make people laugh not to hurt so don't go and start a flamming war over a joke, okay?
- No bad jokes (It just wastes time) :P

And just in case -> Permission to create thread by Drummersuff

Alright I will start us off;

One day a policeman stopped a motorist who had just gone through a four way stop sign and was about to give him a ticket when the motorist said. "Officer you can't give me a ticket for that!' "Why not" said the officer. "Because although I did not stop I slowed right down and its almost the same." "But you did not stop" replied the officer, "and the sign says STOP." "But the way was clear and it was safe" replied the motorist. The officer then pulls out his batton and starts hitting the motorist. "What are you doing!" yells the motorist in surprise. "Do you want me to slow down or stop" says the officer.

Alright so it's not the best joke but it's a start.

[Manaphy1128]

Ah,yes.lets think.Oh.Heres a horrible joke:

There are three people in a car down the highway.One is named Shut up,one is named Manners,and one is named Road Kill.Shut Up is driving and is going a little too fast.Road Kill isn't wearing his seat belt,and when Shut Up stops,Road Kill goes flying out the front window.Manners goes outside to go pick him up.The police catch up with him for speeding."What is your name?" one asks.
"Shut Up."
"What is your name?"
"Shut Up."
"You have a minute to tell me your name."
"Shut Up."
"Where are your manners?"
"Outside picking up Road Kill"

Its stupid,but a joke none the less.

[Shinji_]

This is this joke that I heard on my friends Psp.

*Man calls movie people*

Man says:Hey guy how much is a movie ticket
Movie dude says:that is 10dollars
Man says:what about 2 tickets
Movie dude says:that would be 20 dollars sir
Man says: Yay I can bring 2 of my friends
Man says: Well what about 3 tickets
Movie dude says:30dollars
Man says:Yay I can bring 2 of my friends!
MAn says: well hey what about 4 tickets
MOvie dude says:40dollars
Man says:yay I can bring 2 of my friends
Man says: Im going to watch airbud, do you guys have airbud
Movie dude says: no we dont have airbud
Man says: yay im going to see airbud
Man says: Thanks lady
Movie dude says: im not a lady
Man says: okay bye lady.

xD I hope you guys get it XD

[Sabaku no Gaara]

haha sorry I don't get it.

Anyways, this is a little childish for a joke, but its the best one I know.

4 men are trying to get through a forest and they come up to a bridge guarded by a canible. The men ask if they can get by and the canible says, "bring me back 10 fruit from the forest and I will let you pass" The men agree and go find the fruit. The first comes back with apples. The canible says "Shove all the fruit up your butt and I'll let you pass." The man gets 1...2...3 then all of them fall out so the canible eats him. The second man comes back with pineapples. He only gets one up his butt so the canible eats him. The third comes back with cherries and he gets 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9...then laughs and they all fall out. The canible eats him. The other two men ask the third guy in heaven why he laughed. The third man replied "I saw the next guy carrying watermelon"

Hard to explain. Hope you guys get it.

[Midnight Beat]

@Manaphy1128 Classic

@Shinji_ I'm not sure I get it either however I just might be off tonight so I'll read it again tomorrow.

@Pipluper That's a good one.

Thanks for posting guys

[Pachy]

Here's a funny one.
Disclaimer:
Yes, it's a blonde joke. It doesnt mean blondes are stupid though. I know many blondes and I think that the "Blondes are stupid" is a bunch of crap.
So, Dont take this personally if you are blonde. We all know blondes arent really stupid. The ones in the jokes are. Not real blondes just the ones in the jokes.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Here's the joke:
2 blondes are building a house. The first one is hammering nails into the wall. Every so often she throws one over her shoulder. The second one walks up and asks her "Why are you throwing those nails away?" and the the first one replies "Ugh! Half these nails have the head on the wrong side!! They're defective!" The second one then giggles and says "Silly! Those are for the other side of the house!"

XD
Ah. Funny.

[Midnight Beat]

Here's the joke:
2 blondes are building a house. The first one is hammering nails into the wall. Every so often she throws one over her shoulder. The second one walks up and asks her "Why are you throwing those nails away?" and the the first one replies "Ugh! Half these nails have the head on the wrong side!! They're defective!" The second one then giggles and says "Silly! Those are for the other side of the house!"

XD
Ah. Funny.

Very very funny! Defective nails.... I love it.

[Kimimaro]

Two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks.

[Cosmic Tyrant]

I've got one. Not haha funny, but a good lesson nevertheless.

There are four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and everybody was asked to do it. everybody was sure somebody would do it. anybody could have done it, but nobody did it. Somebody got mad at this because it was everybody's job. Everyone thought anybody could do it, but nobody realized that everybody wouldn't do it. It ended up that everybody blamed somebody for nobody doing what anybody could have done.

[Midnight Beat]

Two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks.

HA!! That one took me a sec. :cheeky: But it's definatly a good one.

[Tr@ce]

There are three girls sitting on a porch. One has red hair (Jamie), one has blue hair (Lacy), and one has green hair (Kris). The mailman walks by, and says "Where did you get your hair done?". Jamie says "I got it done at the beauty salon". Lacy says "Mine was done at Krystal's beauty shop". Kris says (All while putting snot in her hair), "It's natural!".

~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's better if you actually do it in real life, and not just write it... ugh.

[Midnight Beat]

Very funny. I'm just going to respond once every 5 jokes and comment on all of them in one post instead of posting after every joke.

[Tacharine]

Okay, here one my friend told me:

NOTE: THIS IS ANOTHER "BLONDES ARE DUMB" JOKES, WITCH IS STERYOTYPICAL. IF YOU CAN'T TAKE A JOKE, CAN'T UNDERSTAND THE JOKE, OR WANT TO EAT THE JOKE, PLEASE DO NOT VIEW.

---

Three girls, a Blonde, a Burnette, and a Red head, just robbed a bank and are running from the police.

They came to a three way intersection, and split up.

The Burnette took the left turn, and ended up in a group of brown dogs. She blended in with them, and when the police came,
she exclaimed:
"Bark! Bark!"
The police left, letting her get away.

The Red head took the straight path, and ended up with a bunch of red cats. She blended in with them, and when the police came,
she exclaimed:
"Meow! Meow!"
The police left, letting her get away.

The Blonde took the right path, and ended up in a potatoe farm. She layed down in the potatoes, and when the police came,
she exclaimed:
"Potatoe! Potatoe!"
the police went:
"WTF?"
and captured the Blonde.


---

Yay lack of humor!

[Manaphy1128]

A stupid blonde joke and a few other stupid ones:

NOTE: the following joke is not intended to be hurtful:

Three serial killers,a blonde,a brunette,and a red head,have been caught on the top of a 15-level bulding.
"Any last words before execution?"one officer asked.
"Tornado!" the red head yells.The officers look while the red head ecscapes down the drain pipe.
The officer turns to the brunette."Any last words?"
"Hurricane!"she yells.The officers look,and she also ecscapes down the drain pipe.
They then turn to the blonde."Any last words?"
"Fire!" she yelled,so they shot her.

Suzanne:Look what I found-a koala!
Dave:I think you should take it to the zoo.
Suzanne:You're right.I will.

The next day they meet again,and Suzanne still has the koala.

Dave:I thought you were taking it to the zoo.
Suzanne;I did!Today were going to the movies.

Two theives robbing an apartment hear the owner coming home.
"Quick,jump out the window,"The first robber says.
"Are you crazy?Were on the 13th floor!"says the second robber.
The first one replies,"This is no time to be superstitious!"

[Disintegration]

Well, here's another blonde joke (http://j-walkblog.com/index.php?/weblog/posts/blond_joke/). I don't think I can tell it any better than that site.

[─AdvancedK9─]

XD ROTFLMAO LITTERALLY! Achamo made the Funniest joke ever! Ok i got a good one

2 Boys where hiking up a mountain when suddenly 1 of the boys Seemed to have fainted, Luckily, the other boy had a cell phone and called 911

boy:911! I think my friend is dead! i need help!
911:hold on! calm down, now let's make sure he's really dead
There was silence for a moment, then a gunshot was heard. The boy went back online
Boy: ok now what?
____
WARNING:The following joke MAY be offensive to girls in a certain group and will cause a laugh attack to boys in a certain group
_______

What is Green,Lies in a ditch, and covered in cookie crumbs?

A Girl scout that got hit by a truck
__________________

What do you say when a lawyer is about to be run over?

Nothing
__________________

Why do ducks have webbed feet?

To stamp out fires.

Why do elephants have Flat feet?

To stamp out Burning Ducks

Why do Blue Whales live in the ocean?

Hey! isn't a roasted Elephant enough for ya?
___________________

What can Geese do, Ducks can't, and lawyers are supposed to do?

Stick their bills up their crack.

[Ullion]

Ironic gunn, I'm blonde and I figured it out IMMEDIATELY. I won't say anything to ruin it though for the others. ;P

One my dad keeps telling voer and over; and IMO, its the only good one he knows.

One day, along the border between Ontario and Québec walked two men. One was a die-hard Québec seperatist and the other was a patriotic Ontarion. As all the other days, the two were walkign with eachother continously argueing over the stupidest ideas when they came across shiny object in the ground. They both raced to it and picked it up at the same time. They had notice dit was a genie's lamp and both ahd rubbed it. In a puff of smoke the genie appeared, but was confused at what to do in his situation. He usually grants the rubber 3 wishes; but for the first time ever, two people had rubbed it at once. He decided that each person would get one wish. The man from Québec was urgent and demanded that he wish first.

"I wish that Québec was surrounded by a thick, impenetrable brick wall that ensures that no one can get in and no one can get out." Yelled the seperatist.

The Ontarion chuckled and point to the wall and said, "Fill it up to the top with water, kays?"

[Midnight Beat]

These jokes keep getting better (I really like the Canada one), way to go peoples!!!

[TheGreatMothim]

A Guy gets into a Taxi in NY.

He tells the driver where he wants to go,the Cabbie Nods and starts to drive off.

The Cabbie notices that the light just turned red so he floors it thru the Red Light.

The Man just glances and then thinks maybe he didn't notice.

The cabbie then does it a second time.

The man starts to panic a bit.

The cabbie does it a third time, and the man can't believe that he survived the 3rd red light with the Cabbie.

Finally the Cab driver sees a green light and slams on the brakes..

The man finally says, "What the ehck are you doing its Green, you went thru 3 red lights and Now your going to sit at a Green light, just Go already!

The cabbie turns around, "Are you stupid, any minute now the other Cabs are going to be flying thru those Red Lights."

[─AdvancedK9─]

Gun Yoshaiki posted a stupid link! i don't know what the joke is! It just keeps Chain Linking in a circle back to the original page, wat is up? i whant to know the joke.

[Grovyle42(Griff8416)]

Ironic gunn, I'm blonde and I figured it out IMMEDIATELY. I won't say anything to ruin it though for the others. ;P

One my dad keeps telling voer and over; and IMO, its the only good one he knows.

One day, along the border between Ontario and Québec walked two men. One was a die-hard Québec seperatist and the other was a patriotic Ontarion. As all the other days, the two were walkign with eachother continously argueing over the stupidest ideas when they came across shiny object in the ground. They both raced to it and picked it up at the same time. They had notice dit was a genie's lamp and both ahd rubbed it. In a puff of smoke the genie appeared, but was confused at what to do in his situation. He usually grants the rubber 3 wishes; but for the first time ever, two people had rubbed it at once. He decided that each person would get one wish. The man from Québec was urgent and demanded that he wish first.

"I wish that Québec was surrounded by a thick, impenetrable brick wall that ensures that no one can get in and no one can get out." Yelled the seperatist.

The Ontarion chuckled and point to the wall and said, "Fill it up to the top with water, kays?"

Hah, I love Quebec Seperatist jokes!

[Jack O'Neill]

A Moscow resident owned a parrot, and one day the parrot got loose. The man went to the KGB headquarters. "Why have you come to us?" a KGB agent asked him. "We haven't seen your parrot."

"I know," the civilian replied, "but he'll turn up one of these days, and I thought I should assure you that I don't share his views."

==========

A Moscow resident contracted laryngitis and lost his voice but couldn't afford medical treatment. He went to the KGB, who assured him, "Don't worry, we will make you talk."

[Dawson]

Gun Yoshaiki posted a stupid link! i don't know what the joke is! It just keeps Chain Linking in a circle back to the original page, wat is up? i whant to know the joke.
You just became the joke.

[Drummershuff]

You just became the joke.
You post, for some reason, made me laugh for the first time in two days.

[Tacharine]

I got a couple more:

NOTE: This joke:
a.) Likes cereal
b.) May contain loads of Awesomeness
c.) Rocks

Please view with caution.

Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody.
Love, Sarah
---
Dear Sarah,
Your parents were smoking pot when they had you.
Santa

NOTE: The following...
will happen to you if you have a nagging mother >_<

: My mother taught me ...
1) My mother taught me to APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you are going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2) My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that the stain will come out of the carpet!"

3) My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4) My mother taught me LOGIC. "Because I said so, THAT'S WHY!"

5) My mother taught me about ADVANCED LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not coming to the store with me!"

6) My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you are in an accident".

7) My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8) My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

9) My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10) My mother taught me about STAMINA. "You'll sit there until all of that spinach is gone!"

11) My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks like a tornado hit it!"

12) My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times, don't exaggerate!"

13) My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out!"

14) My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like your father!"

15) My mother taught me about ENVY. "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16)!; My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get home!"

17) My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when we get home!"

18) My mother taught me about MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way"

19) My mother taught me about ESP. "Put your sweater on, don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20) My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your foot, don't come running to me"

21) My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up"

22) My mother taught me GENETICS. "You are just like your father"

23) My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24) My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand"

25) And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

[Ullion]

Jackie... I don't follow your first joke.. or are the two seperated ones supposed to be one joke? x:

[Pachy]

You just became the joke.
XD Heh. What an incredibly mean joke. Yet it was funny.
That one made me LMAO.

[Richard Lynch]

I heard this on a radio broadcast once last year... and apparently, through multi-cultural studies, this is the "funniest joke in the world", appealing to the most number of people in the most countries. I dunno how much of that holds true, and there are many variations to this one... but this is the one I heard (as best as I can remember it):

* * *

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! He's lying here and I don't know what to do!" The operator says, "Calm down, I can help. First, we have to make sure without a doubt that he is indeed dead." There is a moment of silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "Okay, now what?"

* * *

[Manaphy1128]

They just keep on coming:

The whole truth:

At school, a boy is told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, I know the whole truth -- even when you don't know anything.
The boy decides to go home and try it out. As he is greeted by his mother at the front door he says, I know the whole truth. His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, Just don't tell your father.

Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, I know the whole truth. The father promptly hands him $40 and says, Please don't say a word to your mother.

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day, when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, I know the whole truth. The mailman drops the mail, opens his arms and says, Then come give your FATHER a big hug.


Blonde say:

A blind man walks into a bar, taps the man next him, and says, "Hey, wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The man says back to the blind man, "Look buddy, I'm blonde. The man behind me is a 400-pound professional wrestler and he is blonde. The bouncer is blonde. The man sitting over to your left is also blonde. Still wanna tell that blonde joke?"

The blind man is silent for a moment and then says, "Nah, I wouldn't want to have to explain it five times."


Baseball Heaven:

Two old guys, Abe and Sol, are sitting on a park bench feeding pigeons and talking about baseball, like they do every day. Abe turns to Sol and says, "Do you think there's baseball in heaven?"
Sol thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno. But let's make a deal: if I die first, I'll come back and tell you if there's baseball in heaven, and if you die first, you do the same."

They shake on it and sadly, a few months later, poor Abe passes on. One day soon afterward, Sol is sitting there feeding the pigeons by himself when he hears a voice whisper, "Sol... Sol..."

Sol responds, "Abe! Is that you?"

"Yes it is, Sol," whispers Abe's ghost.

Sol, still amazed, asks, "So, is there baseball in heaven?"

"Well," says Abe, "I've got good news and bad news."

"Gimme the good news first," says Sol.

Abe says, "Well... there is baseball in heaven."

Sol says, "That's great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that!?"

Abe sighs and whispers, "You're pitching on Friday."

[Ullion]

Wow, manaphy, those jokes are antiques, be careful with em'. ;D

OKay, here's a really lame (but funny IMO) riddle/joke thingy.

Why can't anyone hear a Pteradactyl go to the bathroom?

Because the "P" is silent. x:

[Disintegration]

OKay, here's a really lame (but funny IMO) riddle/joke thingy.

Why can't anyone hear a Pteradactyl go to the bathroom?

Because the "P" is silent. x:

Oh you. :]

Why does Snoop Dogg have an umbrella?

Fo' drizzle.

What happens when you throw a green rock into a red sea? (This one is my favorite)

It gets wet.

What is the only thing in world that can be made in Brazil?

Brazilians!

[Cosmic Tyrant]

Lol, i love the umbrella one.

Here's one:

A king decides that he wants to find te bravest man in his land. If the man can jump off a hundred foot cliff into Shark infested waters, swim from there to an island filled with voracious Lions, lap the island, then swim back to the cliff and scale it, He will give him one million dollers, his Rolls Royce, and the hand of his virgin daughter. The first day, no takers. The second day, still no takers. The third day, however, a brave man leaps of the cliff, swims through the trechorous waters, laps the dangerous island, and swims back. The king was very proud. "Congratulations!" He exclaimed. "You have won one million dollers, my Rolls Royce, and the hand of my virgin daughter!" The man caught his breath and said "Look, you can keep your money, your Rolls, and your daughter, just somebody point me to the mutha***** who pushed me off that cliff!"

(Sorry if it's too out of line)

[Manaphy1128]

Signs that you're a Drunk:

1. You lose arguments with inanimate objects.

2. You have to hold on to the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.

3. Your job starts to interfere with your drinking.

4. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.

5. You sincerely believe alcohol is the elusive 5th food group.

6. 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case Coincidence?!?!?

7. Two hands and just one mouth now THAT'S a drinking problem.

8. Every woman you see has an exact twin.

9. You fall off the floor

10. Hey, 5 beers have just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!

11. Every night you're beginning to find your neighbours cat more and more attractive


12. You don't recognize your wife unless seen from the bottom of a glass.

13. You have a reserved parking space at the liquor store.

14. You've fallen and can't get up.

Blonde Jokes:

What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the
YMCA? : "Look! They spelled MACY'S wrong!"

A woman explains to the doctor, "When I touch my arm, ouch, it hurts. When I touch my leg, ouch, it hurts. When I touch my head, ouch, it hurts. When I touch my chest, ouch, it hurts."
The doctor just shakes his head and asks, "You're a natural blonde, aren't you?"
The woman smiles and says, "Why, yes I am. How did you know?"
The doctor replies, "Because your finger is broken."

Two blondes were sitting on a bench on the Atlantic City boardwalk admiring a beautiful, bright full moon. One said to the other, "I wonder which is further away, Florida or the moon?" "Duh..." said the other, "Can you see Florida from here?"

A married couple was asleep when the telephone rang at two in the morning. The wife, a blonde, picked up the telephone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know; some woman wanting to know 'if the coast is clear.'"

Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror, and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"

Two young blonde women are sitting at a table in a coffe shoppe in such an obviously celebratory mood that a man drifts over intending to offer to buy them something to drink. When he gets close he hears one say to the other "Here's to 17 days!" Smiling, the man says, "Congratulations! What's so special about 17 days?" Eyes twinkling, one of the women explains, "Well, we've been spending our evenings working on a jigsaw puzzle! And it said 3-5 years on the box, but we finished it in only 17 days!"

Three friends; a blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stranded on a desolate island. One day, the three of them are walking along the beach and discover a magic lamp. They rub and rub, and sure enough, out pops a genie. The genie says, "Since I can only grant three wishes, you may each have one." The brunette says, "I've been stuck here for years. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I just want to go home." POOF! The brunette gets her wish and she is returned to her family. Then, the red head says, "I've been stuck here for years as well. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I wish I could go home too." POOF! The redhead gets her wish and she is returned to her family. The blonde starts crying uncontrollably. The genie asks, "My dear, what's the matter?" The blonde whimpers, "I wish my friends were still here."

[Liebe]

This blond joke is to funny.

A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette.

When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.

After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought,

"Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!"
She got out and walked over to the farmer and said,
"If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?"
The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try.

The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, "157."The farmer was amazed - she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car.

Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said.

"If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"

[Gourmet Popcorn]

I heard this one from my cousin.

A blonde walks in to a electronic store and goes to the store manager and says hello i would like to purchase a T.V. The store managers say's we dont sell T.V's to blondes, so she walks out in confusion and comes back the next day with her haired died black and goes to the manager and says hello I would like to purchase a T.V. and he says sorry we dont sell T.V's to blondes. So she walks out in frustration and comes back the next day with her haired cut off completely (bald) and says i would like to purchase a T.V and the store manager say's sorry we don't sell T.V's to blondes and she said angrily how do you keep knowing im a blond and the store maneger says because thats not a T.V thats a microwave.

[Jack O'Neill]

A Soviet rocket officer falls asleep on duty, right in front of the dreaded "red button." A colonel comes in and requests a status report; the officer replies "Nothing's happened so far, comrade Colonel. "

The colonel retorts, "Nothing's happened, you say? Nothing's happened?! Then where the hell is Belgium?!"

[Shadow_Yue]

My jokes might be corny but their still funny! ( I think ) Blonde JOKE ALERT!



Two girls , a blonde and a brunette went to blockbuster's to rent a movie.
The girls said they wanted Balto and the guy behind the counter went to go get the movie.

" I love that movie , it really speaks to you!" The brunette said.

When they got home the brunette went to you the bathrrom, leaving the blonde with the movie. She put the movie case on the floor and sat down next to it. 10 minutes passed. The brunette came back into the room. " What are you doing?" she asked pointing to the brunette who now had her ear pressed against the box.

"I'm waiting for Balto , I think he has me on hold." The blonde replied.

[Vavavoom ♣]

Alright. I have a Classic one:

Pete and Repeat goes on a boat. Pete falls in the water... Who is remaining? Repeat

Pete and Repeat goes on a boat. Pete falls in the water... Who is remaining? Repeat

Pete and Repeat goes on a boat. Pete falls in the water... Who is remaining? Repeat

Pete and Repeat goes on a boat. Pete falls in the water... Who is remaining? Repeat

Pete and Repeat goes on a boat. Pete falls in the water... Who is remaining? Repeat

Pete and Repeat goes on a boat. Pete falls in the water... Who is remaining? Repeat

Pete and Repeat goes on a boat. Pete falls in the water... Who is remaining? Repeat

[Midnight Beat]

AHHHH I fell for it. I feel like like a moron. XD

[Tr@ce]

Yo mama joke alert!

Your mother is so fat, I took 5 planes and a bus to get on her good side.

Oooh yeah, I'm baaad.

[Xerion]

Why did the chiken cross the road? To beat the crap out of the people who use that crappy line that first came out =P.

-Xerion

[wmoor0826]

Two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks.

ROFLMAO!!! I started laughing at that one b4 I even got it.

[TheGreatMothim]

Yo Mama

Yo mama so poor she can't afford to pay attention!

Yo mama so stupid that under "Education" on her job apllication, she put "Hooked on Phonics."

[Mr.Bubbles]

Oh,heres one.If Barbie is so popular,why do you have to buy her friends?

[Jack O'Neill]

If we're going to devolve into yo mama jokes, then I might as well bring out some of my own.

==========

Yo mama so loud, when she whispers she deafens everyone in a 100 km radius.

Yo mama so stupid, it took her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes.

Yo mama so filthy, the EPA declared her a hazardous waste site.

Yo mama so stupid, she got locked in a grocery store and starved.

Yo mama so stupid, she could trip over a cordless phone.

Yo mama so fat, she's got her own area code.

Yo mama so fat, when she dived into the Pacific Ocean it was emptied of water.

[Ullion]

Aww Jack you stole one of my "yo mama" jokes. The cordless phone one.

Well, heres the other one I know of:

Yo mama's so stupid that she gets ran over by a parked car.

x:

[Kayashi]

Yo mama is so fat she asked for a waterbed and they put a blanket over the ocean.

Yo mama is so stupid she tried to drown a fish.

Yo mama is so stupid she climbed a glass wall to see whats behind it.

Yo mama is so stupid she sold her car for Gas money.

Yo mama is so fat she saw a school bus and said, "Chase that Twinkie!"

Yo mama is so stupid she took a spoon to the Superbowl

Yo mama is so desperate she died of it.

Yo mama is so skinny she ate an M & M and looked 8 months pregnant.

[Manaphy1128]

You guys have come to yo mamma jokes. If so,i'm posting some:

Yo mamma is so fat that when she fell in love she broke it

Yo momma's so ugly, on Halloween the kids trick or treat her by phone!
Yo mamma's so fat, when she steps on the scale it says one at
a time please.

Yo momma's so stupid, when she saw the "NC-17" sign, she went home and got 16 friends.

And regular jokes:

There is a mirror that if you tell it a lie you are sucked into the mirror but if you
tell the truth you are given money. A brunette walks up to the mirror and says,
"I think I am the tallest person in the world," and shazam she is sucked into the mirror.
A few minutes later a ginger haired person walks up to the mirror and says,
"I think I am the fattest person in the world," and shazam she is sucked into the mirror.
The next day a blonde walks up to the mirror. She stares deep into it and says, "I think,"
and shazam...

A man was blissfully driving along the highway, when he saw the Easter Bunny hopping across
the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the Bunny, but unfortunately the
rabbit jumped in front of his car and was hit. The basket of eggs went flying all over
the place.

The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of
the road, and got out to see what had become of the Bunny carrying the basket. Much to
his dismay, the colorful Bunny was dead. The driver felt guilty and began to cry.

A woman driving down the same highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and
pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong.

"I feel terrible," he explained, "I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny and killed it.
There may not be an Easter because of me. What shouldI do?"

The woman told the man not to worry. She knew exactly what to do. She went to her car trunk,
and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead Bunny, and sprayed the
entire contents of the can onto the little furry animal.

Miraculously the Easter Bunny came to back life, jumped up, picked up the spilled eggs and
candy, waved its paw at the two humans and hopped on down the road. 50 yards away the Easter
Bunny stopped, turned around, waved and hopped on down the road another 50 yards, turned,
waved, hopped another 50 yards and waved again!
The man was astonished.He said to the woman, "What in heaven's name is in your spray can?
What was it that you sprayed on the Easter Bunny?" The woman turned the can around so that
the man could read the label. It said: "Hair spray. Restores life to dead hair.
Adds permanent wave.

A woman rubbed a bottle and out popped a genie. The amazed woman asked if she got three
wishes. The genie said, "Nope, sorry, three-wish genies are a storybook myth. I'm a
one-wish genie. So .. what'll it be?"

The woman did not hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map?
I want these countries to stop fighting with each other and I want all the Arabs to
love the Jews and Americans and vice-versa. It will bring about world peace and harmony."

The genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Lady, be reasonable. These countries have
been at war for thousands of years. I'm out of shape after being in a bottle for five hundred years ...

I'm good but not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make
another wish and please be reasonable."

The woman thought for a minute and said , "Well, I've never been able to find the right man.
You know - one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and help with the house cleaning,
is good in bed, and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is
faithful. That is what I wish for . . a good man."

The genie let out a sigh and said, "Let me see the Stupid map again."

[Kayashi]

LOL, whoever made this thread was a genius(like me:))

Yo mama is so ugly she entered an ugly contest and rejected for not reading the sign: NO PROFESSIONALS.

Yo mama is so fat she drowned in dry cement.

Yo mama is so fat, people live in her.

[Dawson]

LOL, whoever made this thread was a genius(like me:))

Yo mama is so ugly she entered an ugly contest and rejected for not reading the sign: NO PROFESSIONALS.

Yo mama is so fat she drowned in dry cement.

Yo mama is so fat, people live in her.
Those jokes are older than you are. I think you're the first person in this thread to do that.

[Kayashi]

Yea, even YOU are older than me, no offense taken... :P

[Lightning]

I'm not surprised anyway. I don't remember why, but I looked up "your mom" in Wikipedia--

Shakespeare used one of the jokes in a play. So they've been around longer than any of us :x

[Midnight Beat]

LOL, whoever made this thread was a genius

XD Thank you.

While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting and old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted,"Are there any gators around here?!"

"Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!"

"Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore.

About halfway there he asked the guy,"How'd you get rid of the gators?"

"We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said.

"The sharks got 'em."

[乚☆丁工回己❀]

A lame one:

Holmes and Watson went camping. They set up tent under the stars and slept. Suddenly Holmes woke Watson up. "Look at the stars, Watson, and tell me your deduce."

Watson looked up. "Well, there are billions and billions of stars and the Earth is probably one of the thousands out there with life..."

"No, Watson! Our tent is stolen!"

Another one:

A man was cycling with a sack. An officer stopped him. "Show me what's in the sack." The man opened the sack and revealed sand. The officer inspect it closely but there is nothing but sand so he let him go. The man came again the next week, cycling with a sack of sand. The same officer stopped him and let him go after inspecting the sack. This repeated for months, then the man didn't show up. One day, the officer who is not in duty met him again at the bar. "I think you are smuggling something. Between you and me, what is it?"

"Bicycles."

[Hideki~kun]

(Not sure if this ones been done before...)
Your moms so fat, even Naruto can't believe it!

And here's a lame one my friend told me:
Your moms so fat, she was on a beach and a whale came up and sang "We are family" :|

[Cosmic Tyrant]

You want to hear a stupid one?

Yo mama's so ugly, she walked up in a haunted house and came out with an application slip!

Oh yeah,:cool: you know it lol

[Kayashi]

Yo mama is so fat when she walks, every kid on the block yells, "KOOL AID! KOOL AID!"

Yo mama is so stupid she returned a puzzle because she thought she broke it.

Yo mama is so fat she makes the moon look small.

Yo mama is so fat she's the reason why there is gravity.

BLOND JOKES!!! THEY ARE SO FUN!

The blond calls her boyfriend up.

Blond: Hi! Can you come over here for a sec?
Boy: For what?
Blond: I need help with a puzzle
Boy: Whats it a picture of?
Blond: A tiger

The boy comes to the Blond's house and sees a bunch of Frosted Flakes laid out on the table.

[Ullion]

This is pretty funny... my friend showed me this one. ;D

Recently a "Husband Store" opened where women could go to choose a husband from among many men. It was laid out in five floors.

The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that floor; if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place, never to return. A couple of girlfriends went to the shopping center to find some husbands...

First floor
The door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and love kids." The women read the sign and said, "Well, that's better than not having a job or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?" So up they went.

Second floor
The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking." "Hmmm," said the ladies, "But, I wonder what's further up?"

Third floor
This sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework."
"Wow," said the women, "Very tempting." But there was another floor, so further up they went.

Fourth floor
This door had a sign saying "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak."
"Oh, mercy me," they cried, "Just think what must be awaiting us further on! So up to the fifth floor they went.

Fifth floor
The sign on that door said, "This floor is empty and exists only to prove that women are impossible to please. The exit is to your left."

[Vavavoom ♣]

A man was cycling with a sack. An officer stopped him. "Show me what's in the sack." The man opened the sack and revealed sand. The officer inspect it closely but there is nothing but sand so he let him go. The man came again the next week, cycling with a sack of sand. The same officer stopped him and let him go after inspecting the sack. This repeated for months, then the man didn't show up. One day, the officer who is not in duty met him again at the bar. "I think you are smuggling something. Between you and me, what is it?"

"Bicycles."

Haha! *Laughing...* That was a good joke. Did you create it?



*Still laughing*

[Aorio]

Okay, one of my friends told me this, I'm sure everyone's heard it, dunno if anyone's posted it. xD
So, Jimmy wants to go to the bathroom. His teacher says, "Jimmy! You must learn the ABC's first!" And so Jimmy uses the bathroom when he gets home, and then asks his mother:
"Mom, what's the first letter of the alphabet?"
"Shut up, shut up!"
Jimmy then went to his sister.
"Sissy, what's the second letter of the alphabet?"
"Uh-huh, uh-huh!" (talking on the phone, of course.)
Jimmy nodded and visited his little brother.
"Hey, what's the third letter of the alphabet?"
"B-b-b-batman!!!"
Jimmy then went out to the trash guy.
"Sir, what's the fourth letter of the alphabet?"
"In the trash can, in the trash can...."

So Jimmy went to school the next day, and again, asked to go to the bathroom.
His teacher said,
"Jimmy, did you learn your ABC's?"
"Shut up, shut up!"
"Do you want to go to the principle's office!?!"
"Uh-huh! Uh-huh!"
So Jimmy got sent to the principle's office.
"Boy, do you know why you're up here?"
"Shut up! Shut up!"
"Do you want to go home?"
"Uh-huh! Uh-huh!"
"Who do you think you are?!!?"
"B-b-b-batman!!!"
"Where do you live, son?"
"In the trashcan, in the trashcan...."

xDD
*shrugs* an old friend told that to me.

[Kayashi]

A foreign person comes to America and doesn't know english.

He walks near a Military camp and hears, "YES SIR! YES SIR!" and the phrase gets stuck in his head.

Next, he walks near a silverware department and hears: "Forks and knives, Forks and knives. So this gets stuck in his head. "Yes Sir, Yes Sir! Forks and Knives, Forks and knives!"

Finally, he walks near the Chocolate Factory and hears, "Goody Goody Gumdrops, Goody Goody Gumdrops. So he says: "Yes Sir! Yes Sir! Forks and Knives Forks and Knives. Goody Goody Gumdrops, Goody goody Gumdrops!

So next, policemen come over to him and say,"Hey! Did you kill someone?"

Foreign person says, "Yes Sir! Yes Sir!

Police ask him, "what did you kill him with?"

He says, "Forks and Knives, Forks and Knives."

The police handcuff him and say,"You are going to jail for the rest of your life!"

He says, "Goody Goody Gumdrops, Goody Goody Gumdrops.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A bad guy drops a rock out of the window of a plane.

A kid is crying as the police pull up.

The police say,"Why are you crying?"

The kid says, "A rock hit my head!" The police drive away.

Next the bad guy drops an apple out

A kid is crying as the police pull up.

They say, " Why are you crying?"

He says, "An apple hit my head," so they drive away.

Next, this bad guy drops a bomb out.

A kid is laughing as the police pull up.

"Why are you laughing?" say the police.

"My dad farted and my house blew up!" he said.

YEA YOU PROLLY HEARD THIS ALL B4.

[Manaphy1128]

Wow.I've been gone for awhile:

Things Only Women Understand

9. Cats' facial expressions

8. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors

7. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds

6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time

5. The difference between beige, off-white, and eggshell

4. Cutting your bangs to make them grow

3. Eyelash curlers

2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made

And the number One thing only women understand:

1. OTHER WOMEN


How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?:
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell "BINGO!"

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?:
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good looking?:
Because those men already have boyfriends

[Mr.Bubbles]

Heres a"yo mama"joke.Yo mamas so fat,when se fell out of bed and tried to get up,she rocked herself to sleep.

[Joey the Cockroach]

I cant think of any good long jokes at the minute, so here's 2 short ones:

What do you call a fish without an eye?
Fsh.

Whats invisible and smells like carrots?
Rabbit farts.

and one average one:

a new kid had moved into the school. the teacher said, "where does your mother come from?"

Kid: "Alaska."

Teacher: dont worry, i'll ask her myself.

[Kayashi]

That first one was from Club Penguin.

Yo mama is so fat she was taken to the museum and labeled as the "Revolving Planet."

Yo mama is so fat when she goes outside, everyone says, "I thought the Titanic sunk!"

[Manaphy1128]

This ones a little gross, but its still a joke:

A man has lost his children and is going around the neighborhood to find. He calls out heir names
"Maru-Dashi! Moro-Dashi"
A police man stops him and says,
"If you're saying that, you must know about that illegal strip club! So what do you know?"
The man replies saying,
"No, those are the names of my children."
The police man replies, shocked,
"Your children are part of the strip club?!"
The man,
"No. That's their actual names!"
Still shocked, the police man asks,
'How old are they?"
Still confused, the man tells him,
"They're both 10."
The police man suddenly grabs him by both wrists and hand-cuffed him.
'Why do you let your children do that?" the police man asks. "You are arrested for 5 years until you get the concept of how stupid you are to let your own children do that!"

----------------------

You probably don't get it since you have to know what Maru-Dashi and Moro-Dashi mean. If you don't get it, tell me.

[乚☆丁工回己❀]

A guy who hasn't learn his English well wanted to join the military. To do so, he just need to answer the General's three simple questions: How old are you, how long have you served, and do you want your pay or your food. And because the questions are always asked at that order, his friends decided to teach him the answers instead of the meaning of the questions.

The General, for once, asked the questions in a different order. "How long have you served?"
"28 years, sir."

The General was amazed. He went on tho the next question: "How old are you?"
"3 months, sir!"

The angry General now thinks this is a joke. "Either me or you is mad!"
"Both, sir!"

[The Real AAA]

I got 2 good mama jokes:

Yo Mama so Short that she could do Back flips under the bed!

Yo Mama so Stupid that she put up a piece of paper on the TV and said "Look I'm watching Pay-Per-View"!!

[Manaphy1128]

A wife and husband, the wife being blond, get into there cars to go to work. They each go a diffrent way. So anyway, the husband hears on the radio, "Be careful on interstate 20 since there is a car that is driving the wrong way."
The husband realizes thats the road that his wife takes. He calls her up and says, 'Honey be careful! There is a car going the wrong way!"
And the woman replies, "ONE?! There are thousands of them!!"
-----------

Pretty weak.

[Kayashi]

A blond, brunette(how do you spell it?), and a red-head are stranded on an Island 100 miles away from home.

The brunette swims 3 miles and gets hungry, and swims back.

The Red-head swims 56 miles and drowns.

The blond swims 99 miles but her head started to hurt, so she swam back...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Once upon a time, there was a person who knew everything.
He lives on a mountain.

A Turtle comes up to this person and asks, "o knowledgeable one, what am I?
The person responds, "Lets see, you have a shell and you are slow, so you must be a turtle"

Next, a bird flies up to him and asks him,"o knowlegeable one, what am I?"
He responds, "Lets see, you have wings and you can fly, so you must be a bird"

Finally, a skunk comes up and asks him, " o knowledgeable one, what am I?
He responds, "Well lets see, you're black, white, and you stink, so you must be Michael Jackson!"

[L Lawliet]

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Go
Go who?
Go away

Wow, that was terrible...

[Gourmet Popcorn]

Okay i have one,

This guy was sitting on his couch and he heard the doorbell ring so he went to answer it and there was no one there so he looked down and saw a snail and he angrily threw it across his yard. Then 10 years later there was another ring and no one was there so he looked down and saw the same snail and the snail said : What The Heck Was That For.

[Vavavoom ♣]

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Go
Go who?
Go away

Wow, that was terrible...

Haha! What a joke... -happy sigh-

[Manaphy1128]

5 Things that show you're going crazy:

1. You watch the washing machine wash clothes
2. When you're alone, you sing "I'm the Map" from Dora the Explorer
3. You understand what rats are telling you
4. You can only read upside down
5. You make a list of things you do that make you seem crazy

****************************************************************

That's probably the worst joke ever...

[Kayashi]

Yo mama is so ugly she stared into a mirror and it broke...

[Vavavoom ♣]

Yo mama is so ugly she stared into a mirror and it broke...

Not that funny... And pretty old. :~(

[Lightning]

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Go
Go who?
Go away

Wow, that was terrible...
Terrible, yes, but sadly, it's one of the ones that amused me the most.

Right after that "Two men walked into a bar" joke or something on the first page. XD;

[The Real AAA]

Yo Mama is like those Geico commercials, even a Caveman can do it......

^Got that from some Show, that joke cracks me ups^

[Cross]

Knock knock!
Come in.

And

Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.

[Kayashi]

Now I know you watch Cory in the house XD

I don't get that last one...

[Manaphy1128]

Wow. Some of these jokes are *cough*notthatgreat*cough*. I'm not going to name names ("What the heck?")

Just kidding (maybe..)

"Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not commit adultery. Don't eat pork. I'm sorry, what was that last one?? Don't eat pork. God has spoken. Is that the word of God or is that pigs trying to outsmart everybody?"

"If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either."

A funny blonde decided to try horse riding even though she had never tried it before. She got on the horse and began riding at a slow pace. Eventually the horse got faster and faster until the blonde wasn't able to hold on. All of a sudden she felt herself slipping from the saddle.
In desperation the blonde decided to jump and try to save herself. So she jumped, but her foot got caught in the saddle stirrup and she was helplessly pulled behind the horse with her head banging on the ground.
The blonde was near unconscious when she was rescued by Fred the Wal-Mart greeter, who unplugged the horse.

Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.
When the hospital director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered that Edna be discharged from the hospital because she now considered Edna to be mentally stable.
The director went to Edna and said, "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you being discharged because you responded so rationally to a crisis by jumping into the pool to save the life of another person. Your action displays sound mindedness. The bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."
Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"

[乚☆丁工回己❀]

A couple had a cat. The husband hated the cat, so he decided to get rid of it. But he can't kill the cat, so he drove the cat to the end of their street and left it there. When he came back, the cat was already there.

This time, the husband drove the cat to the end of the town and abandoned the cat there. Once again, the cat was waiting for him when he came back.

Fed up, the husband drove the cat to another faraway town which he hadn't not been. Then he tried to go home.

At the evening, the wife received a call from her husband.
"Hello, honey, is the cat at home?"
"Yes."
"Tell him to talk to me. I lost my way."


If a bus station is where a bus stops and a train station is where a train stops, what about a work station?

A striking guy walked into the office. A woman couldn't help staring at him. The guy notices this, and walk straight to her, "I will do anything for $20, provided you can describe the task in three words." The woman takes out $20, and whispered, "Clean my house."

[Vavavoom ♣]

A striking guy walked into the office. A woman couldn't help staring at him. The guy notices this, and walk straight to her, "I will do anything for $20, provided you can describe the task in three words." The woman takes out $20, and whispered, "Clean my house."

Haha, nice one. -Laughing- Did you create it? If so, good job. ^^

[Pikachu2007]

Blonde Jokes:

Why do blondes smile when lightning strikes?
They think someone's taking thier picture.

How do you frustrate a blonde?
Give her a bag of MnM's and tell her to alphabetize them.

How do blondes kill birds?
By throwing them off of cliffs.

What do blonde owls say?
What? What?

Why did the blonde die in a helicopter crash?
She got cold and turned off the fan.

What does a blonde and a bottle have in common?
They're both empty from the neck up.

What's the difference between a blonde and a supermarket trolley?
The supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.

More jokes later!

[~Daisuke~]

Wow, that one is good Vavavoom...Here is one about a joke in a joke for a joke...."News just in for everyone. Provided the next joke someone says happens to be a Yo Mama joke I declare you slap the person upside the head with stick thanks"
People need to be Slapped? I think he's whipped?*laughs*
"I said stick not schtick especially a bad one"
Aw....

[mew2three567]

So a middle aged woman is speeding down the freeway and gets pulled over by the cops. The officer gets out of his car and walks up to the womans car and asks to see her license. Then the woman replies angrily: "Geez, I wish you guys would make up your mind. Just yesterday you took my license away from me, and now you expect me to show it to you?"

[Vavavoom ♣]

Wow, that one is good Vavavoom...

Hehe, thanks. That joke was originally made in French. ^^

[Kayashi]

Blond Jokes

A blond, brunette, and a redhead hide in a barn.
The brunette hides behind a cow.
The redhead hides behind a horse.
And the blond hides behind a potato sack
The police come up to the cow and says, "This cow looks suspicious."
The brunette says, " Moo," and the police doubt its suspicion and walk away.
The police now go up to a horse and say,"This horse looks suspicious,"
The redhead says, "neigh" and the police doubt suspicion, so they walk away.
Now, the police walk up to the potato sack and says,"This potato sack looks suspicious.
The blond says, "potato!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A blond,brunette, and a redhead are running away from the cops.
The police find the brunette and point a gun at her.
"3-2--" The brunette says, "OMG! a tornado!" the police look and she runs away.
The police next find the redhead and point a gun at her.
"3-2--" The redhead says, "OMG! an hurricane!" the police look and she runs away.
The police find the blond and point a gun at her.
"3-2--" The blond says, "Fire!" and she's dead.

:laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh:

[Pikachu2007]

@Penguinpal6: LOL! Those are my favorite blonde jokes ever!

Lawer Jokes:

Why is it that New Jersey has all the toxic waste dumps and California has all the lawyers?
New Jersey had the first pick.

A lawyer wins a case for his client. His bill is that he must pay at least 6 grand a month for the next 10 years. "What?" he said. "This looks like a car payment!"
"It is", said the layer. "It's mine".

Two lawyers were having an arguement. One of them says, "Hey man. If we're gonna argue, let's at least be honest with each other!"
"All right", said the other lawyer, and thus ended the discussion.

A lawyer goes to a stonecutter asking to make his tombstone in advance. He tells him he wants it to say, "Here lies a lawyer and an honest man". "Sorry, mac", said the stone cutter. "In this state, it's against the law to bury two people in the same grave."

More jokes later!

[Gourmet Popcorn]

Alright i gots one,

Here are some tell-tale signs it’s gonna be a bad day. If any of these things happen, DO NOT leave the house. Crawl back into bed and start over again tomorrow.

You wake up face down on the pavement.

You see a 60 Minutes news team waiting in your office.

Your blind date turns out to be your ex.

Your income check bounces.

Your pet rock snaps at you.

Your boss tells you not to bother to take off your coat.

Your wife says, “Good morning, Bill” and your name is George.

Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.

You turn on the news and they’re showing emergency routes out of the city.

Tee-Hee Giggle-Giggle:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

[Dawg 2005]

'Kay, I have no clue if it's been said, but I've got a bad joke. XD

Two snowmen are standing outside when one says to the other, "Hey, I smell carrots."

Lawl. LAUGH AT IT. >O

[Gourmet Popcorn]

'Kay, I have no clue if it's been said, but I've got a bad joke. XD

Two snowmen are standing outside when one says to the other, "Hey, I smell carrots."

Lawl. LAUGH AT IT. >O

That is hilarious that's not a bad joke at all.

[Dawg 2005]

That is hilarious that's not a bad joke at all.

It's so corny like you wouldn't believe. XD

[Gourmet Popcorn]

It's so corny like you wouldn't believe. XD
Corny jokes are the best!!!!!!!!!
You get a smiley for cornyness:)

[Suki]

Blond Jokes

A blond, brunette, and a redhead hide in a barn.
The brunette hides behind a cow.y
The redhead hides behind a horse.
And the blond hides behind a potato sack
The police come up to the cow and says, "This cow looks suspicious."
The brunette says, " Moo," and the police doubt its suspicion and walk away.
The police now go up to a horse and say,"This horse looks suspicious,"
The redhead says, "neigh" and the police doubt suspicion, so they walk away.
Now, the police walk up to the potato sack and says,"This potato sack looks suspicious.
The blond says, "potato!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A blond,brunette, and a redhead are running away from the cops.
The police find the brunette and point a gun at her.
"3-2--" The brunette says, "OMG! a tornado!" the police look and she runs away.
The police next find the redhead and point a gun at her.
"3-2--" The redhead says, "OMG! an hurricane!" the police look and she runs away.
The police find the blond and point a gun at her.
"3-2--" The blond says, "Fire!" and she's dead.

:laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh:

LOL, these are so funny. I actually laughed out loud to them. Now I have to tell my family and friends about them.

[Kayashi]

thx. my best friends told me a lot of Blond Jokes.

[Gourmet Popcorn]

Okay i have two jokes right now,

Late one night a police officer was patrolling a rowdy bar to anticipate possible DUI violations. At closing time, he saw a fellow tumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys in five different cars before he found his. Then he sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes.

Everyone else left the bar and drove off. Finally he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him and turned on his light and pulled the driver over, read him his rights and administered the breathalyzer test. The test results showed a reading of 0.00. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy!"


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his beautiful, blond, female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.

She opened it, looked inside, slammed it shut, and stormed back into her house.

A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox, again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came again. She marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions, the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"

To which she replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps telling me I've got mail!"

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: and so on.

[Liebe]

Orignally posted by Piakchu2007
What does a blonde and a bottle have in common?
They're both empty from the neck up.

What makes you think blondes are dumb? I'm blond and on the A-B honor roll. Guess that makes me dumb, too. But anyway.... here's my joke.

Two rednecks meet on a dusty country road. One of them is carrying a big bag labeled, "chickens."

"Chickens, eh?" says one guy. "Hey, if I guess how many chickens you got, will you give me one?"

"Heck," says the guy with the bag, "iffin you guess right, I'll give you both of 'em."

The other scratches his head and guesses, "Um... five?"

[Pikachu2007]

What makes you think blondes are dumb? I'm blond and on the A-B honor roll. Guess that makes me dumb, too. But anyway.... here's my joke.

Two rednecks meet on a dusty country road. One of them is carrying a big bag labeled, "chickens."

"Chickens, eh?" says one guy. "Hey, if I guess how many chickens you got, will you give me one?"

"Heck," says the guy with the bag, "iffin you guess right, I'll give you both of 'em."

The other scratches his head and guesses, "Um... five?"

I'm really sorry if my joke offended you. I didn't mean to make you upset. Besides, you just posted a redneck joke. Sure, I'm from Texas, but it's one of my favorites. I like it. I'm not really offended by it and I'm an A-B student, too. Just remember, it's only a joke.

Anyway, here's another lawyer joke.

Why do scientists prefer lawyers over lab rats?

Lawyers are more plentiful than rats.
Lab assistants don't get attached to the lawyers.
There are some things that a rat just won't do.

[The Real AAA]

What did the Pikachu said to the other Pikachu?

"Pikachu!!"

haha?..........

bad joke huh

[Gourmet Popcorn]

I have 2 more again,

One evening, Frank was drinking at a bar when the bartender came over to tell Frank that he had a telephone call.

Frank had just bought another beer and he didn't want anyone else to drink it. So, Fred wrote a little sign and left it by his beer that read: "I spit in MY beer."

When Fred returned to his bar stool, there was another note beside his beer: "I spit in YOUR beer you freak.!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally said that the bar was closing.

The Irishman stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time; same result.

He figured he'd crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that would sober him up.

Once outside he stood up and fell flat on his face. So he decided to crawl the 4 blocks to his home.

When he arrived at the door he stood up and again fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door and into his bedroom.

When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up. This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into bed and was sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over him, shouting, "So, you've been out drinking again!"

"What makes you say that?" he asked, putting on an innocent look.

"The pub called -- you left your wheelchair there again."

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh::laugh::laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

[Pikachu2007]

What did the Pikachu said to the other Pikachu?

"Pikachu!!"

haha?..........

bad joke huh
That was a cute joke. I liked it even though it was a little corny. But still, cute.

[Vavavoom ♣]

What did the Pikachu said to the other Pikachu?

"Pikachu!!"

haha?..........

bad joke huh

Actually, I laughed. Pretty boring joke but it's funny. ^^

[Cosmic Tyrant]

Hello, welcome to the phychiatric help me hotline!

If you are Obsessive-Compulsive, please press 1 repeadedly.
If you are Co-Dependant, please ask somebody to press 2.
If you have Multiple Personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are Paranoid/Delusional, We know who you are and what you want. Please stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are Scitzophrenic, listen carfully and a little voice will tell you what number to press.
If you are Manic/Depressive, It dosen't matter what number you press, no one will answer.

[Manaphy1128]

This place was on the second page. That's just...not right.

Top Nine Reasons Beer is better then Religion

9. No one will kill you for not drinking Beer.
8. Beer has never caused a major war.
7. They don't force Beer on minors who can't think for themselves.
6. When you have a Beer, you don't knock on people's doors trying to give it away.
5. Nobody's ever been burned at the stake, hanged, or tortured over his brand of Beer.
4. You don't have to wait 2000+ years for a second Beer.
3. There are laws saying Beer labels can't lie to you.
2. You can prove you have a Beer.
1. If you've devoted your life to Beer, there are groups to help.

Can't Get It

A new jail warden was being shown through the jailhouse by the old warden.

Soon, after making rounds around the rest of the jail, they get to the cafeteria. In one corner, he sees a group of elderly men laughing hysterically.

Interested, he watches them while the older warden gets his food. One of the men shouts out "63!" and the entire table bursts out laughing. The new warden is totally baffled by the behavior of them. "74!", again a chorus of guffaws ring out.

The old warden comes back to the table where the new warden sits staring, and the new warden asks "What are those elderly men doing."

The old warden smirks, and says, "Oh, those are the life timers. They've been in here so long, they just number their jokes."

Meanwhile another one calls out "2!". Nobody laughs.

The new warden leans over and asks, "What happened?" To this the old warden replied, "Some people just can't tell a joke."

Traveling Pairs

A travel agent looked up from his desk and saw an older lady and an older gentleman peering into the shop window, where there were posters of glamorous destinations around the world. The agent had had a good week, and the dejected couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling of generosity. He called them into his shop.

"I know that on your pension you could never hope to have a holiday, so I am sending you to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I won't take no for an answer."

He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two flight tickets and book a room in a five-star hotel. The older lady and gentleman, as could be expected, gladly accepted and were off!

About a month later, the little lady came in to the travel agency.

"And how did you like your holiday?" the agent asked eagerly.

"The flight was exciting, and the room was lovely," she said. "I've come to thank you. But, one thing puzzled me. Who was that old guy I had to share the room with?"

[KageX]

i have one
once there was a girl named little mary, she always falls asleep in religion class, so one day in religion class, the teacher came over to her, while she was asleep, and her teacher said, " little mary who is the ruler of heaven?", behind little mary was bobby and he stabbed her with his pen and little mary screamed,"GOD ALMIGHTY!", "correct" exclaimed the teacher, 10 minutes later mary was asleep again, and the teacher asked her, "little mary who was hung on the cross?", again bobby stabs mary and mary screams" JESUS CHRIST!", "correct again" replied the teacher. another 10 minutes later mary was asleep again, and the teacher asked her, "little mary what did moses' wife say to him after that 23rd child?" again bobby stabbed her with the pen and she screamed," IF YOU STICK THAT THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME IM GONNA KILL YOU!"

hope its funny enough

[Razer302]

IF YOU SICK THAT THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME IM GONNA KILL YOU!"

Edit the bit in bold so it is stick then it will be funny.

Most of the jokes in here are funny. I haven't read all the ones from the last week though. Was on holiday and just don't want to go back through them all.

[Pikachu2007]

State Motto Jokes:

Alabama's New State Motto: You betcha we have electricity.
Alasaka's New State Motto: 11,623 Innuits can't be wrong.
Arizona's New State Motto: But it's a dry heat.
Arkansas' New State Motto: Literacy ain't everything.
California's New State Motto: By 30, our women have more plastic than your Honda.
Colorado's New State Motto: If you don't ski, don't bother.
Connecticut's New State Motto: Like Massachusetts, only the Kennedy's don't own it - yet.
Delaware's New State Motto: We really do like the chemicals in our water.
Florida's New State Motto: Ask us about our grandkids.
Georgia's New State Motto: Peaches, pecans, and Billy Beer - we love illiteration!

I'll post these ten at a time. And I'm really sorry from the bottom of my heart if someone gets offended by these jokes, but hey, they're only jokes after all! :)

[Ullion]

JEASUS

You spelt Jebus wrong. D:

I got a few small ones. x_> I'm too lazy to type up long jokes.

What do you call a scared rock?

Petrified

What was the umbrella salesman saving his money for?

A Sunny Day

I've told these to some, but I thought these were funny. So >P

[Pikachu2007]

State Motto Jokes, Part 2:

Hawaii's New State Motto: Haka tiki mou sha'ami leeki toru. (Go home, mainland scum, but leave your money.)
Idaho's New State Motto: More than just potatoes... well okay, we're not, but the potatoes sure are real good.
Illinois' New State Motto: Please don't pronounce the "s".
Indiana's New State Motto: Two billion years tidal-wave free.
Iowa's New State Motto: We do amazing things with corn.
Kansas' New State Motto: First of the rectangle states.
Kentucky's New State Motto: So if the grass is really blue, why are the horseflies at the derby brown?
Louisiana's New State Motto: Where a French quarter costs a thousand bucks a day.
Maine's New State Motto: We're really cold, but we have cheap lobster.
Maryland's New State Motto: If you can dream it, we can tax it.

[Pikachu2007]

State Motto Jokes, Part 3:

Massachusetts' New State Motto: Our taxes are lower than Sweden's. (In some tax brackets.)
Michigan's New State Motto: First line of defense against the Canadians.
Minesotta's New State Motto: 10,000 lakes... and 10 trillion mosquitoes.
Mississippi's New State Motto: Come feel better about your own state.
Missouri's New State Motto: Your federal flood relief tax dollars at work.
Montana's New State Motto: Land of the big skies, some right-wing crazies, and very little else.
Nebraska's New State Motto: That's "Aksarben" spelled backwards.
Nevada's New State Motto: Good-bye, Mr. Chips.
New Hamshire's New State Motto: Go away and leave us alone.
New Jersey's New State Motto: You want a !%$&*! motto? I got yer !%$&*! . motto right here!

[─AdvancedK9─]

I'll continue you on XD

New Mexico's New State Motto: Just Because we're in the US, Doesn't mean we hate it for stealing us from Mexico
New York's New State Motto: 50%+Taxes are new, Citizens love it.
North Carolina's New State Motto: HOLY COCONUTS! Palms are growing in the dead of winter!
North Dakota's New State Motto: Bury Taxes! they'll grow bigger!Now THATS soil power
Ohio's New State Motto: With Extra Taxes, All things are Possible.
Oklahoma's New State Motto: Too lazy to cut Taxes

[Pikachu2007]

lol! Thanks, ^VAdvancedK9V^. Here's my own versions of the ones you just said.

State Motto Jokes, Part 4:

New Mexico’s New State Motto: Lizards make excellent pets.
New York’s New State Motto: You have the right to remain silent, you have the right to an attorney.
North Carolina’s New State Motto: Tobacco is a vegetable.
North Dakota’s New State Motto: We really are one of the 50 states.
Ohio’s New State Motto: At least we’re not Michigan.
Oklahoma’s New State Motto: A lot like the musical, without the singing.
Oregon’s New State Motto: Spotted owl… it’s what’s for dinner!
Pennsylvania’s New State Motto: Cook with coal.
Rhode Island’s New State Motto: We’re not really an island.
South Carolina’s New State Motto: Whaddaya mean rise “again”?

[TheUltimateBulbaSpriter]

What do you call a dog that walks into an oven?
A hot dog!
What do you call a dog that stands in -80 degrees?
A chili dog!

[─AdvancedK9─]

Dude, no offense but those jokes are old. And you just scared poor Fido, shame on you.

Little Timmy was digging a big hole in his backyard when the next door neighbor looked over.

"Why are you digging a hole?" Said the neighbor
"My ferret died" Said Timmy"
"But why are you making the hole so big?"
"Because You dog ate it"

[Pikachu2007]

State Motto Jokes, Part 5:

South Dakota’s New State Motto: Closer than North Dakota.
Tennessee’s New State Motto: The educashun state.
Texas’ New State Motto: Sí, hablamos inglés
Utah’s New State Motto: Marriage - never too much of a good thing.
Vermont’s New State Motto: Yep.
Virginia’s New State Motto: Who says government stiffs and slackjaw yokels don’t mix?
Washington’s New State Motto: Help! We’re overrun by nerds with umbrellas!
District of Columbia’s New State Motto: Wanna be mayor?
West Virginia’s New State Motto: Tell John Denver “almost” doesn’t count.
Wisconsin’s New State Motto: Come smell our dairy air.
Wyoming’s New State Motto: Ask about our state motto contest!


THE END!!

[Manaphy1128]

These are Tsubasa jokes, but I'm still posting them. My favorite is "Jiggy With It"

OMG, YO!

(Set in volume 2 when Mokona is whisked away and they finally realize it)
Fai:"I REMEMBERED !!"
What
Fai:"That...THAT...THAT....I LEFT THE OVEN ON! AHHH!"
Shocking.
Fai DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS?!"
Uh, no.
Fai:"I DON'T EITHER BUT IT HAS TOO MEAN SOMETHING!"*grabs my hand*
UGGHHH! Who said you could toucch me?!
Fai:"*faces Kurogane* KURO-PII! I ACCIDENTLY LEFT MY OVEN ON!!"
Kurogane:"....And?
Fai:"AGGGHHH! YOU DON"T GET IT EITHER!!"
Kurogane"Turns to me* Are we stuck with him?"
For quite awhile.
Kurogane:*smahes a window*
My thoughts exactly.

Manga Laws

(in book two, when Syaoran says,"I won't die".)
Syaoran:"Of course I won't die! The laws of manga and anime apply here and that would be a horrendous story if the creators did that so I won't die! Do you know what this means?"
Fai:"....I LEFT MY OVEN ON!"
Syaoran:"You already told us this!"
Fai;"Now how do you get up there?"
Syaoran:"Actually I'm not sure, I forgot my script."
Mokona;"I know!"
Syaoran:"Wait a second...How'd you get over here?"
Mokona:"*points upwards towards building* I fell off from there."
Syaoran:"Now-
"You shoul-"
"No shu-"
Mokona:"SHUT UP!!!!
*Everybody stares at Mokona*
"Now-"
Syaoran:"Oh look, break. Now I gott go study that stupid script...."
Mokona:"Speaks through walkie-talkie* Okay, now where did you put that giant bomb thing I'm supposed to hide?"

You Know

(Set in xxxHoli volume 5)
Yuko:"I know I put it around here somewhere...Ah! Here it is! Here Mokona, send this through. Now I have to wait...Do you know what this means?"
Fai:"...I LEFT MY OVEN O-"
Yuko:"I know you left in on! Wait a second...how'd you get in this volume?"
Fai:"Yeah, I don't know. Wait a second..MY OVEN!"
Yuko:"YEAH, NOW LEAVE!"
Fai:"But I thought March-"
Yuko:"I don't care anymore! You're really pissing me off, you know that?!"
Fai:"I leave with one thing:"

Mokona: "WTF yo?!"

Get Jiggy With It

Fai:"*turns the oven off" Now that that's done with...wait a seond...I LEFT THE OTHER OVEN ON TOO!"
You have two ovens....?
FaI:"SHEEZ! How could I forget?!"
I don't know but you scare me. Ecspecially your smile...
Fai:"CRAP!"
Do you have a third oven?!
Fai:"More then that..."
Not gonna say anything....
Mokona:"CLOUD'S BUSTER SWORD!"
Fai:"Mokona, that's the old catch phrase. How old ae you, 80?
*I back away*
Mokona:"Oh no you didn't! I'm with it! I'm jiggy!"
They don't say that anymore
*Window smashes open and Syaoran appears.
Syaoran:"WHO DIRECT LINKED ME?!"
*Mokona points at Fai*
Syaoran:"I knew it was you! I groove on those idiots!"
They don't say that...
Fai:"Fo shizzle yo."
They don't say that either!
Syaoran:"No, it's "Fo shizzle my dizzle yo".
No...that's not right....
Mokona:"Diggity dawg, yo!"
What is wrong with these people?!
Fai:"Um....I'm fly"
I can't watch this anymore....
Syaoran:"Oh yeah...You direct linked me homie!"
WTF?!
Fai:"Homie-G!"
Gibbersh...They will all turn into motherfu-
Kurogane:"What the heck are you guys doing?"
Mokona:"Wassup yo?!"
Kurogane:"What the fu-?"
My words exactly.

Hence

Fai:"Okay that's done."
I can't start to believe that you have 23,576,482 stoves.
Mokona:"I can"
Syaoran:"Me to."
How?
Syaoran:"Well he also has 75,856,190 figurines of Pikachu. Don't ask."
Mokona:"Why?"
Syaoran:"I just said don't ask!"
Mokona:"*sticks tounge out* Idiot..."
Syaoran:"WHAT'D YOU JUST SAY?!"
Oh dear...
Fai:"Be careful no to knock over one of my 12,345,670 lamps."
Sheesh...
Mokona:"Die, brother of war!"
Syaoran:"Oh no you didn't!"
This is as bad as that old sayings thing...jiggy with it...
Fai:"Or don't tip over one of my 34,839,116 cups lying around here."
I'm traveling with a problem group...
Mokona:"Hey, Manaphy! Help me kill Syaoran!"
As long as I don't knock over one of Fai's 77,893,599 computers?
Fai:"No-that would be 17,123,654 computers."
Syaoran:"NO! Don't do it!"
Oh dear...crap..
Fai:"I said be careful with my 62,865,900 phones! Do you not listen?"
Syaoran:"I'm not trying to killed over here!"
Yeah, by a creature 4 feet smaller than you.
Mokona:"DESTROY!"
Freak vs Freak...awsome!

[Pikachu2007]

There's a cruise ship and on the ship, there's a magician that has a job there by doing an amazing act. The captain had a parrot that liked to go to the show everynight. The parrot understood the show and since it could talk it would give away everything. Like, "Ohh, he's puttin it in his sock bbbrrrrrrkkkkk" "He put it up his sleeve bbbrrrrrrkkkkk" "It's in his hat bbbrrrrrrkkkkk." And the magician just hated this bird. So one night he just snapped and he pulled out a pistol and he shot the bird. The bird ducked, the bullet misses the bird, it hits a propane tane and blows the ship to a billion peices. The only survivors are the parrot and the magician and while they're floating out in the middle of the ocean on two little pieces of wood, the parrot said, "Alright, I give up. Wheres the damn ship?"

[TheUltimateBulbaSpriter]

Okay. Once a 6-foot tall magician dropped a water glass, and no water spilled out. How could he do that?

The glass was empty.

[─AdvancedK9─]

No, the humor was empty.

Things an insane Human Being would LOVE to do(that proves insaness):

Eat dark chocolate after bombing the Poop Deck
Eat 79 prunes in front of an over sensetive Grandmother
Comb Their Hair in front of a beehive
Insult Michael Jackson
Feed the Goldfish Goldfish crackers with pieces of fish
Have the dog learn english and give it a hot dog
Hanging a cokroach(not knowing why this is stupid proofs dumbness)
love Disney(WOOT! I'm not insane!)
Hate Pokemon(This doesn't have to be on the list)

[TheUltimateBulbaSpriter]

No, the humor was empty.

Things an insane Human Being would LOVE to do(that proves insaness):

Eat dark chocolate after bombing the Poop Deck
Eat 79 prunes in front of an over sensetive Grandmother
Comb Their Hair in front of a beehive
Insult Michael Jackson
Feed the Goldfish Goldfish crackers with pieces of fish
Have the dog learn english and give it a hot dog
Hanging a cokroach(not knowing why this is stupid proofs dumbness)
love Disney(WOOT! I'm not insane!)
Hate Pokemon(This doesn't have to be on the list)
Yea, I sometimes stink at jokes.

[Ullion]

Okay, this isn't really a joke, but all the magician jokes reminded me of this soundclip on a server I go to:

"My uncle can make things dissapear. Is he a magician? Nope, hes a kleptomaniac"
I laugh everytime I hear it. x_<;

[The Real AAA]

Got these 3 jokes from a site I was on earlier

What is Pikachu's favorite pie?
Pikan pie

How can Brock see when his eyes are always closed?
He follows the scents of Nurse Joy and Officer Jenny!

Which Pokemon can count to 3 in Spanish?
Arctic-uno, Zap-dos, Mol-tres

[乚☆丁工回己❀]

What is a female Wailord called?
Wailord. There's no such thing as Wailady.

What is a male Nidorina called?
Gotcha. There's no such thing as a male Nidorina.

[Joey the Cockroach]

A blind man walks into a bar. OW.


What did the Spanish Fireman call his 2 sons?

José and Hose B!

(Thats Hose A and Hose B if you dont know)

[pickachu11234]

hahahhahaa that ones funny ^

[blndsk4]

What is a female Wailord called?
Wailord. There's no such thing as Wailady.

What is a male Nidorina called?
Gotcha. There's no such thing as a male Nidorina.

lol


...................................

[pickachu11234]

lol


...................................

hahaha ya thats a really funny one as well

[~*!*~Queen Boo~*!*~]

I really like that Brock joke it was really good


:t354:TG

[RiderLeangle]

I wish chameleons could be more famous, You think ones going to make it big then they just fade into the background.

[brotlov]

I've got some jokes which my friend made up yesturday:

there were 4 people walking down the street, an Honset Politician the Easter Bunny, Santa Clause and a Homless Man, they all see a $100 bill on the ground, who got it first?

Answer:
The Homless man, cause the other 3 are made up Characters

this one is pretty long:

George W. Bush, Al Gore and John F. Kennedy were at a mens day Spa, after a nice lunch all 3 decided to use the rest room, when they entered they were greeted by the Attended who told then "please be sure to check out our latest attraction, a mirror, that if you look into it and say somthing true, then you will be granted with your wildest wish, but be warned, if you say somthing false, then you will be sucked into it forever."
So John F. Kennedy walked up to it and said: "I think that i am the best choise to be elected President this year" and he found the keys to a new Bently in his hand.
Al Gore stepped up and said "i think that i am the most concerned about the Environmentall problems out of us 3" and he found enough money to fund his next Campaign.
Excited by the fact that one of his wished might finally come true, George W. Buch stepped up, said "I think" and was promptly sucked into the Mirror.


well i hope you like them

[Inept Prodigy]

Some blond jokes, no offense to all blonds:

Two blonds were going to Disneyland, but then they left. Why?

a sign on the road said "Disneyland, left"

Why was the blond staring at the carton of orange juice?

because it said "concentrate" on it

There's a brunette, a red head, a blond, and a mirror. If you lie to the mirror, then you disappear. The brunette was looking at the mirror, and said "I'm pretty," then she disappeared. The red head said to the mirror "I think I'm pretty," she disappeared too. Then the blond said to the mirror "I think," and she disappeared.


Here's a joke my friend made up, it's kind of stupid, but made me laugh.

How do you get Pikachu onto a plane?

You Poke 'em on!

[Hinamori_Momo]

Yo mama so stupid when she saw her reflection in the toilet she thought she was drowning and dived in.

Yo mama so old her birth certificate is expired.

[Pikachu2007]

@: Hinamori_Momo: You're momma's so fat she tripped over Wal-Mart and fell on a Target!

Anyway, here's the cleanest dirty joke joke:

A white horse fell in the mud.

[Hinamori_Momo]

It's "Yo mama's so fat she tripped over Wal-Mart, fell over K-Mart, and landed on Target".

Yo mama's so ugly she hasta sneak up on her reflection in the mirror.

[Pikachu2007]

Whatever. It's still the same joke.

Yo momma's so stupid when I asked her to purchase me a Color TV she asked me...'Which color?'

[Hinamori_Momo]

Yo mama's so stupid I asked for a quarter back and she gave me Steve McNair.

[Pikachu2007]

Wow. I guess we're having a "Yo Momma" face off now! :)

Yo momma's so fat when God said "Let there be light!", he was asking her to move out of the way.

[Hinamori_Momo]

Yo Mama's so old When God said let there be light she flipped the switch.

Yo Mama's so old her first job was baby-sitting Cain and Abel.

[Indian Barbie]

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Vault.
Vault Who?
Vault-sing Matilda.


Haha. no? Ok *crawls back under a rock*

[Pikachu2007]

Yo momma's so ugly she trick-or-treats over the telephone!

Yo momma's like old milk - she's white and chunky!

[Hinamori_Momo]

Yo mama's so poor when I saw her kicking a can down the street I asked her what she was doing she said ain't you ever seen a mobile home?

Yo mama's so fat I had to take 2 planes 3 buses and 5 cabs just to get on her good side

Yo mama's so fat NASA is going to use her to fill the hole in the ozone layer

[Pikachu2007]

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Vault.
Vault Who?
Vault-sing Matilda.


Haha. no? Ok *crawls back under a rock*

Aww! That was a cute joke! :)

[Hinamori_Momo]

Yo mama's so fat she's got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book

Yo mama's so fat the last time she saw 90210 she was on a scale

Yo mama's so fat she got a part-time job as a trampoline.

Yo mama's so stank she made Right Guard go left Speed Stick slow down and Ban come off strike

[Indian Barbie]

*comes out from under the rock*

Yo mama so ugly she walked outside and even god laughed at her from heaven.

[Hinamori_Momo]

Yo mama's so ugly when she looked out the window she got arrested for indecent exposure.

[Indian Barbie]

Knock Knock
Who's There?
Shelby.
Shelby Who?
SHELBY COMIN ROUND THE MOUNTAIN WHEN SHE COMES YEEHAW!

[Waffle-San]

Your Moma's so fat she sweats Mayonnaise. Miracle Hips?

Your Moma's so fat, wher she inhales th....mmghh mmagh mmdgh! (my attempt at a burn)

[─AdvancedK9─]

Alright its a time for Mexico State mottos! First the spanish motto and the the US seemingly one

United Mexican States State Mottos (Hooray for Mexico!)

AguasCalientes: Por tu culpa y pedos, Ask about our fried Blastoise with Habanero sauce.

Baja California: Voy a re..mesclar al idiota que robo a california, So california was robed, and contaminated by disney? and gambling?

Baja California Sur: Si matas a ballenas, te matamos a ti. Oh we're peaceful alright.

Chihuahua: Tatatututata, chihuahua, tatatutuataha, CHIHUAHUA! Our dogs are better than Egypts!

[The Real AAA]

Yo mama's so fat the last time she saw 90210 she was on a scale
lol^
Yo mama so fat that she can't even look down at the scale but the last time she saw a number was during a football game on the scoreboard! haha?

[Hinamori_Momo]

Yo mama's so dumb her cereal and milk hasta come with a lifeguard.

Yo mama's so ugly I heard your dad met her @ a dog show.

[Blazinpokebreeder2000]

yo mama so loud that the deaf could hear!

[Hinamori_Momo]

Yo mama's so dumb she put lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind.

[Blazinpokebreeder2000]

yo mama so fat her shadow weighs 100 lbs

yo mama is so fat she fell dow