PDA

View Full Version : Dying By The Steel


Fallen Angel_Messiah Of Black Roses
August 6th, 2007, 09:46 AM
I am Paying for my sins, Setting my life aside.

For the Rules I did not Abide.

My Vision is fading.

I never stopped Hating.

I came into this place to kill, to fight.

But now I see I had no right.

To take another's life with the Steel of my gun.

Out Of Bullets, I tried to run.

I was caught fleeing and was punished with Steel.

I Can honestly say I don't like the way it feels.

A pain in my side, Blood soaking my shirt.

My blood is pouring into the dirt.

What happens when someone dies?

My Life has already flashed before my eyes.

I'm becoming numb and losing blood.

As I lay on my deathbed in this mud.

All My life, I had this coming

All my Life I have been Running

So many sins and never any good

I geuss I'm ending up where I should

Where sinners are put to rest

In what is known as the devils nest

So many people I have sinned against

I can't be forgivven it is to late.

My life is to full of sin and Hate.

I only wish I could go back and stop

All I did that was so wrong.

But now I give my life to Death, My Soul to Whoever I sold it to.

My mind is filled with utter rue.

And in my last moments that I lay.

All I can do, For the First Time In My Life, Is Pray.

Pray for all that I have done and All that I do.

Pray for salvation from all the Sin, Hate And Rue.

Pray for help from the one above.

Pray for the saving Love.

Pray For God And I pray For Him, Jesus.

Take me Away, And Leave This All Behind me.

Let Innocence Blind me.

Let My Life fall to you.

And Then The Man Was Dead, But he did not go to hell.

He Went For Redemption In Heaven, Among The Angels.

And He made up For His Sin And War.

And Lived Happy And Sinless Forevermore.

Manaphy1128
August 6th, 2007, 01:52 PM
I am Paying for my sins, Setting my life aside.

For the Rules I did not Abide.

My Vision is fading.

I never stopped Hating.

I came into this place to kill, to fight.

But now I see I had no right.

To take another's life with the Steel of my gun.

Out Of Bullets, I tried to run.

I was caught fleeing and was punished with Steel.

I Can honestly say I don't like the way it feels.

A pain in my side, Blood soaking my shirt.

My blood is pouring into the dirt.

What happens when someone dies?

My Life has already flashed before my eyes.

I'm becoming numb and losing blood.

As I lay on my deathbed in this mud.

All My life, I had this coming

All my Life I have been Running

So many sins and never any good

I geuss I'm ending up where I should

Where sinners are put to rest

In what is known as the devils nest

So many people I have sinned against

I can't be forgivven it is to late.

My life is to full of sin and Hate.

I only wish I could go back and stop

All I did that was so wrong.

But now I give my life to Death, My Soul to Whoever I sold it to.

My mind is filled with utter rue.

And in my last moments that I lay.

All I can do, For the First Time In My Life, Is Pray.

Pray for all that I have done and All that I do.

Pray for salvation from all the Sin, Hate And Rue.

Pray for help from the one above.

Pray for the saving Love.

Pray For God And I pray For Him, Jesus.

Take me Away, And Leave This All Behind me.

Let Innocence Blind me.

Let My Life fall to you.

And Then The Man Was Dead, But he did not go to hell.

He Went For Redemption In Heaven, Among The Angels.

And He made up For His Sin And War.

And Lived Happy And Sinless Forevermore.

Might want to spell check the next time you write something. (you spelt guess wrong) I also feel that making capital letters in the middle of a sentence is un-needed. Other then that I proclaim: good job.

moody_cow_
August 6th, 2007, 07:43 PM
Wow! I really really like it! I think you did a great job, the rythm it just excellent, the whole thing flowed really well! =D Great job!

Hey, do you have a deviantART or lemonfingers account where you post your writing? Because if not then I think you should get one (deviantART is better in my opinion) because I think your writing would be received well there! =)

Anyways, once again great job! =D

Love,
~Sam~

Fallen Angel_Messiah Of Black Roses
August 7th, 2007, 08:05 PM
Thank You, And no I don't have Deviant Art account

moody_cow_
August 8th, 2007, 10:51 AM
Well if you have you know a good amount of poetry or other writing or just nay kind of art in general, then I think you might want to look into getting one! =) You don't have to of course, but it's jut a nice way to get different people's feedback on your work and such! =) Well, give it a thought! =)

Manaphy1128
August 8th, 2007, 10:56 AM
(Ohh! Gouged out eye! Disgusting! NO!)

Er, sorry, inside joke.

Oh yeah.

Responding to the poem you have failed to fix.

I think that the verses should be longer and some should be linked. But thats my opinon. Did it help? (Another Animal Crossing insider joke i made up)

moody_cow_
August 8th, 2007, 11:09 AM
Might want to spell check the next time you write something. (you spelt guess wrong) I also feel that making capital letters in the middle of a sentence is un-needed. Other then that I proclaim: good job.

Hmm... I actually like the capitalization, it makes a nomral noun a personal noun, which brings the poem back to people on a personal level I think. Things like hate, death and life when they're capitalized just become so much stronger. And alot of the other things that were capitalized it made them stronger, or rather emphasized them more which I thought was a good effect. I'll agree that some of them seemed a bit unnecessary, but overall I liked the effect. =) So anyways, there's another way of looking at it that you may not have thought of. =)