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Melody
August 6th, 2007, 07:43 PM
If in darkness, drowning in sorrow you find,
If you are losing the fight in your mind,
If in darkness you have no might,
While you take your flight,
To the utmost height,
To make things right,
To stop the hate that sneaks in the dark of night.
That creates the sorrow,
That haunts your tomorrow,
Which makes you want to fly,
Away in the sky,
Forever?
Something that makes your most sucessful endeavor,
Nothing better,
Than a poorly written letter.
When you find,
That in your mind,
All hope is lost,
And you've paid the ultimate cost.
Fire up the Light!
Let it's gentle guiding might steer you to what's right.
For the fight you must weather,
You must be light as a feather,
It'll help make you better!
Let the light shine on the hearts you find.
There you shall find peace of mind.
Then you can look for the road that does not wind,
There you'll find the lives of the blind.
Whom you'll be able to lead.
This warning you should heed,
Take them not in to darkness,
Rather, help them to Fire up the light!

Well, what do all of you think?
All constructive critisism delivered in a non-offensive manner welcome.

moody_cow_
August 6th, 2007, 07:52 PM
I really like it! I think it's got great flow, however, I think that some lines were a bit too short and interrupted the flow a little bit, like the line had only a few syllables but the one it was supposed to be rhyming with had like twice as much, but it wasn't terrible so it's not really anything that needs changing unless you feel the need. Overall I really really liked it! =) Keep writing! =D