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code zerro the deluge
August 7th, 2007, 07:01 PM
Love flows like an arrow release and let it go
Let it flow let it show how much you know

Poetic Nature uplifting people is my cause
What is more important a win or a loss

Most rappers talk about how they are flossed out and I got rims
Money ****** and the fact that they got Tims

Well I bet 10 that the way I am I am better than them
Poetic Nature is here when they trim

People for justice nature for sex and lust
Its stupid silly so put your faith and trust

In Poetic Nature whether clean or dirty free or cussed
I am here to say enough is enough and its tough

Catchy frazes are on the air on the news
What would you choose real music or real fools

Manaphy1128
August 7th, 2007, 07:22 PM
Oh, that is gross. You get away with writing this and i'll be suprised.

But in poetic speak:

I think that you should use words instead of numbers. Also, I find that you say uplifting people is your cause, which I really don't feel up lifted by this. You're talking about how bad rappers are and you're writing like one. Don't hurt me for this.

code zerro the deluge
August 13th, 2007, 04:40 PM
... wow i 4got i cant cuss here

Vavavoom ♣
August 13th, 2007, 04:50 PM
Huh... I don't think you should post poems like that. There is people under the age of 13 here. (Not me...) ~ ._.

music17
August 26th, 2007, 07:05 AM
Oddly, enough I like it. I don't exactly like rap as a style of music. As a musician and a poet, I agree with you last line. It leaves a message.

oni flygon
August 26th, 2007, 06:06 PM
Love flows like an arrow release and let it go (worded a bit awkward)
Let it flow let it show how much you know

Poetic Nature uplifting people is my cause
What is more important a win or a loss

Most rappers talk about how they are flossed out and I got rims
Money ****** and the fact that they got Tims (I would love to know what this means :D)

Well I bet 10 that the way I am I am better than them (try to say "ten" instead of "10" because it would make your line look a little pleasing.)
Poetic Nature is here when they trim (slant rhyme?)

People for justice nature for sex and lust
It's[b] stupid silly so put your faith and trust

In Poetic Nature whether clean or dirty free or cussed
I am here to say enough is enough and its tough

Catchy [b]phrases are on the air on the news
What would you choose real music or real fools

Well, you certainly did improve from the beginning. Just to say, keep improving. Rap is one of those forms of poetry that kind of still needs an orthodox structure, and it's still pretty much hard to compare rap with any other rap material otherwise since it dramatically changes all the time. Otherwise, watch your spelling mistakes. Not sure if you intentionally did that because of ebonics, but if you did, it's really hard for other people to read ebonics. I suggest you stick to a style that pleases everyone, if that's what you're trying to look for. If you're being a "rebel" or something... well, this forum just isn't the place for that. Otherwise, keep on trying... I'm sure you have potential.