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oni flygon
August 9th, 2007, 12:18 PM
critiques are always appreciated for this repost.


Shallow? (A Timeless and Awe-Inspiring Message To Whom It May Concern)

Say, mister, I heard of someone talking about death
And the infinite praises without any depth.
Critics brandish their sword-sharpened tongues,
Hurling their shallow thoughts of dung.

Tell me, my friend, how long shall we write about
Death or the same love you can’t live without?
Too much blood and cuts sickens my soul,
You might as well blacken your face with coal.

Hey, friend, are you writing the same rhymes
Over and over, trying to be obviously sublime
With repetitive lines, and bland emotions,
Followed by fans with blind devotion.

Why, this poem is almost like that one song
About that guy who wants to sing along.
Although I don’t care about the scent of teens
When no one knows what the hell it means…

moody_cow_
August 9th, 2007, 12:24 PM
Haha, I really like it, it made me smile for some odd reason! =D But yeah the flow and rhyming was great, as well as the point of the poem! =) I know exactly what you mean by it, or at least my own interpretation of it, although i don't think it was a difficult poem to follow at all! =) And yeah, I can't really think of any critique or flaws so great job! =D *claps*

~Sam~

oni flygon
August 21st, 2007, 07:56 PM
Why thank you for the kind comment as I greatly appreciate it, as well as the time for you to put effort into reading this. Much thanks!