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Notes From a Liquor Store Attendant

Posted May 7th, 2011 at 05:24 AM by Shining Raichu
Updated May 7th, 2011 at 06:57 AM by Shining Raichu
Tags infallible

I've just come home an hour or so ago from yet another horrid Saturday night shift at my local liquor store. Saturday nights, in particular, are bad because it is the one night of the week when all the underage kids come out to play with you, to try and get you to sell them alcohol. I've grown a reputation as the ID Nazi, I rule that store with an iron first Anyone under 18/21 (depending on where you live), pay attention, because there will be some useful tips here on what will not work:

1.
We'll start with the most obvious. If someone asks you for ID, and you don't have ID because you are not of age, the excuse "Oh, I left it at home" will not make us break down into a mess of sympathy for your situation. Yes, that includes those of you who are not from around here and left your ID hours away.

2.
I do check the date on your card. If you have an ID with a date that says you're under 18/21, showing it to me with utmost confidence in yourself will not fool me into not doing so. Your smokescreens do not work on me.

3.
Turning 18 tomorrow is not the same as being 18. Come back tomorrow. Arguing this point with me will get you nowhere.

4.
Although it is the law in Australia that you are not allowed to get tattoos under the age of 18, lifting up your shirt to show me your tattoos will not get you served. We do not accept tattoos as ID. Though I do thank you for the sexy treat.

5.
Ladies, attempting to flirt with me while wearing tight dresses that cannot contain your cleavage may work on the boys at the club (and by the way, you can all enjoy your STDs and unwanted pregnancies). I, however, am not buying what you're selling. Co-incidentally, you are also not buying what I'm selling. The vodka stays here.

6.
Gentlemen, you needn't grow a beard to make you look older. It doesn't make you look older, it makes you look like a teenager with a beard. In addition, facial hair is ugly and we needn't make this situation any uglier than it needs to be.

7.
A note to parents, and people over 18/21 trying to buy for people under 18/21: I personally don't care if they drink, but do not bring them in with you. I cannot serve you if they are with you. Even if you swear up and down that it is for you and not for them, it makes no difference whatsoever. If you have anyone under 18 with you, I cannot serve you. Now go away and think about what you've done.

Love,
The ID Nazi (or Andrew from Liquorland).
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Comments

  1. Old Comment
    Forever's Avatar
    XD That's amusing to read.
    Posted May 7th, 2011 at 05:35 AM by Forever Forever is offline
  2. Old Comment
    Kirozane's Avatar
    I got a nice giggle out of that. XD

    It's pretty true as well. :3
    Posted May 7th, 2011 at 06:19 AM by Kirozane Kirozane is offline
  3. Old Comment
    Sterling's Avatar
    That is just funny. xD But true at the same time, since there are people here who tend to play with the store attendants a lot just so they can get what they want.
    Posted May 7th, 2011 at 06:37 AM by Sterling Sterling is online now
  4. Old Comment
    vaporeon7's Avatar
    Very amusing. XD
    It must be annoying that people think you are that dumb to fall for that stuff.
    Posted May 7th, 2011 at 06:56 AM by vaporeon7 vaporeon7 is offline
  5. Old Comment
    Alternative's Avatar
    Do you have any policies on out-of-date Drivers' Licences or something?
    Posted May 7th, 2011 at 07:08 AM by Alternative Alternative is offline
  6. Old Comment
    Spinor's Avatar
    MFW I finished this. Freaking win.
    Posted May 7th, 2011 at 10:34 AM by Spinor Spinor is offline
  7. Old Comment
    Avey's Avatar
    Quote:
    5.
    Ladies, attempting to flirt with me while wearing tight dresses that cannot contain your cleavage may work on the boys at the club (and by the way, you can all enjoy your STDs and unwanted pregnancies)
    Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
    Posted May 7th, 2011 at 11:14 AM by Avey Avey is offline
  8. Old Comment
    Dixie Kong's Avatar
    Well, I will keep this in mind. However, even when I am 21, I ain't gunna look like it. :( I'll be flaunting my ID as proof of my age til I'm 35.
    Posted May 7th, 2011 at 11:27 AM by Dixie Kong Dixie Kong is offline
  9. Old Comment
    Hybrid Trainer's Avatar
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Sydian View Comment
    Well, I will keep this in mind. However, even when I am 21, I ain't gunna look like it. :( I'll be flaunting my ID as proof of my age til I'm 35.
    Well i'm not surprised when your a bouncing pony :D xD

    Thanks SR :D now i know what not to do whilst buying alcohol illegally xD
    Posted May 7th, 2011 at 12:54 PM by Hybrid Trainer Hybrid Trainer is online now
  10. Old Comment
    Gold warehouse's Avatar
    It's embarrassing to see so many people without a false ID.
    Posted May 7th, 2011 at 04:43 PM by Gold warehouse Gold warehouse is offline
  11. Old Comment
    Shining Raichu's Avatar
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Sydian View Comment
    Well, I will keep this in mind. However, even when I am 21, I ain't gunna look like it. I'll be flaunting my ID as proof of my age til I'm 35.
    You joke, but my record for the oldest person I've asked for ID is 34
    Posted May 7th, 2011 at 05:48 PM by Shining Raichu Shining Raichu is offline
  12. Old Comment
    Misheard Whisper's Avatar
    I . . . honestly can't see myself walking into a liquor store even after I turn 18. XD
    Posted May 7th, 2011 at 06:01 PM by Misheard Whisper Misheard Whisper is offline
  13. Old Comment
    Xyrin's Avatar
    Lol. This was funny to read nice blog. I really like it.
    Posted May 7th, 2011 at 06:19 PM by Xyrin Xyrin is offline
  14. Old Comment
    竜の子's Avatar
    Funny!You make me laugh so hard
    Posted June 26th, 2011 at 09:18 AM by 竜の子 竜の子 is offline
 

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