I just recently watched a friend disappear from my life. Literally, not five minutes ago. So this is all very fresh and hitting me at once, but... these are things I need to say.
This friend, like every human being has flaws. They messed up, and hurt people. But, not everything should be blamed entirely on them. In fact, everyone is to blame. No person is truly innocent in the matter. I myself feel greatly responsible for it all.
This blog, though, is something I want to ask each and every one of you: when you're hurt by someone, do you ever consider their reasons for doing it? Do you ever truly stop to consider why a person acts/thinks/feels the way they do, or do you just give it a quick thought and be done with it, or just not even take the time to think about it at all? Those clichés about the girl with too much make-up or the kid who is always failing his classes or whatever... Do you realize why they're cliché? It's because, despite knowing about it, we all still immediately pass judgement on people. I myself am guilty of this too.
However... I do try my very best to get to know people.
I watch them from afar. I'm cautious and shy. And for very good reason, some might say. I come from a broken home. One where at the age of 13 I witnessed my father having a heart-attack with my very eyes. One where I've seen both of my parents in drunken stupors. One where, when my Dad had his stroke, I had to steel myself and be the person to hold my family together through it all because my mother had once again turned to alcohol and my sister honestly not giving a crap about us all. I am very emotionally sporadic, if you know me. And often, very depressive. Most of this is years of pent up emotion coming forth and me finally getting a chance to use my voice that I'd long since silenced for what I was hoping was the betterment of my friends and family. For everyone. I've lost my home on several occasions, been kicked out of a high school unlawfully, and am currently basically homeless in the next month. All through all of this, I was attacked verbally and mentally pretty much every day by practically everyone in some form or fashion. Called worthless. Been made to feel like a complete and total screw-up. I am a person without confidence in himself because everyone practically I have ever known has for literally my entire life has made me feel that way. So I am cautious. Scared. But I'm always hopeful in others. If I talk to you, or try to, even after awhile.... If I regard you as my friend, I will never stop caring about you because you are all the most important people in my life. I truly love each and every single one of you. Whether I know you and can physically see you, or whether I know you through this screen that you are reading off of now, I love my friends more than you can possibly imagine. I would gladly give up everything I have to make sure all of them are okay. Happy. Safe. Successful.
But is any of this an excuse for judging people? No. It's a fallibility in my own character. Something I desperately wish to change about myself. I may be open to others after time, but... at first? I'm always judging people. And with this particular person? I was perhaps a bit biased. Not intentionally. But... for a day or so... I'd forgotten that, despite what all had happened between themselves and others, despite what all had happened between them and myself, I know with all my heart that they care. They do. But, I stood by, trying to comfort everyone else, be a true friend to them all, and neglected them. I passed judgement on someone who was also hurting, for what had happened to them, but also for what had happened to the ones they'd hurt. I don't know if they'll be back in my life or not... I don't know if they've gone for good from all things in this world. I truly don't. I said earlier that I care for my friends with everything, and I meant that. But I made a mistake. I wasn't there for them because I acted on my own biased feelings and they've suffered for it. I betrayed a friend despite all that. And that is something that is inexcusable... and something I will always carry with me.
I guess... the point of all of this... is that the next time you're angry or hurt by someone, no matter how hard it may seem, forgive them and do not judge them. It is and never will be the place of people to judge one another. That thinking is why the world is in the state that it is in today. Know and understand the full story and forgive someone no matter what. You'll always be surprised at how much better you'll feel for it all. And you never know.... maybe that one act of understanding and kindness is enough to save and change a person's life. True, unrequited forgiveness and understanding. It's something hard to come by nowadays, but... try to make that a habit in your lives. It's a long, arduous process that will result in being betrayed and attacked again and again and again, but... eventually? It's my sincerest belief that if everyone tries to forgive one another, to not judge them and act on what they deem another person is/does/thinks/feels.... that you will truly be happier, or at the very least more content.
One last thing? Please do not spam this with any negative or hateful comments you might feel for one another or myself. Especially the latter. If you have something you wish to say to me, please do so via PM or IM.