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5 Reasons I Really Do Not Like

Posted July 25th, 2011 at 07:35 AM by Elite Overlord LeSabre™
Tags rant

Well, here's my entry for the Get Together Blog Competition. Now that it's been judged, I figured I'd post it on my blog for posterity. Any yes, I realize that I may be stepping on a few toes since this blog entry directly attacks some of the most popular and well-liked aspects of the franchise, but personally, I don't like these elements, I don't see how they're popular, and here are my opinions on why I don't like them. So, I present...

5 Reasons I Really Do Not Like...

*Pikachu
1. It's EVERYWHERE. Not only that, it's usually portrayed as some special, all-powerful Pokemon. This despite it not even being a fully evolved Pokemon and having terrible base stats. Clearly Game Freak plays favorites with this thing... giving it an exclusive held item that even the rest of its evolution line can't use, giving it its own fan club in D/P/Pt (and don't even mention the creepy trainers that dress up like this abomination), it shows up on billboards in a region where it doesn't even live, and it's never, ever portrayed in a negative light in the games.

2. It's ugly. It's basically an obese rodent with a very creepy smile. The combination of its beady little black eyes, those dumb red spots on its face, and of course, that pedophile-grin somehow make it look both incredibly stupid and incredibly disturbing all at the same time.

3. It's dumb and immature. One episode of watching its stupid behavior on the anime should be more than enough evidence of that. Constantly smiling, playing around like a kid, throwing tantrums like a toddler when it *does* get mad... clearly this thing's brain isn't firing on all cylinders. And it seems to have this inexplicable and disturbing relationship with its equally dumb trainer. I mean, do you see the way those two embrace? Creepy.

4. That voice. That squeaky, high pitched voice. It's enough to drive a person insane. "Pika-Pi" is the annoying thing I have ever heard. Nails on a chalkboard are soothing compared to this freak of nature.

5. The clones. Why are there so many similar-looking Pokemon that are released every generation (electric-type rodents with those beady eyes and round spots on their faces)? Isn't one Pokemon who has these ugly features bad enough? Oddly enough, though, none of the clones are nearly as ugly as the original. Not even pre-evolved form Pichu.

*Ash
1. He uses Pikachu. See previous section.

2. He maintains creepy relationship with said Pikachu. Besides their unusual and disturbing hugging and "romantic" moments, I've seen the two SLEEP IN THE SAME BED. Who knows what filthy, inappropriate things go on behind closed Pokemon Center doors? I don't think I really want to know.

3. He's an idiot. Besides 1 and 2 above, he routinely fails to notice his antagonists in their flimsy disguises, despite the fact that (a) their hairstyles are quite distinctive, and (b) he's run into them during practically EVERY episode. He forgets, on quite a regular basis, that some Pokemon are Ground-type and his rat's primary attacks are completely useless on them. Hell, he doesn't even seem all that skilled on the battlefield, and I feel that the majority of his success is merely dumb luck.

4. He's ugly and has an annoying voice. The combination of those eyes, those eyebrows, that messy hair, and those zigzag marks under his eyes simply does not work. His fashion sense is atrocious and his whiny, nasally voice is second only to Pikachu's in terms of how much they cause my rage to build. If I ever do have to watch the anime, it always must be muted because of this, and I try to avert my eyes whenever he's on screen.

5. He's worn out his welcome. Come on, the Pokemon anime desperately needs a new main character, preferably one who isn't so ugly, who actually sounds human, and who doesn't have a disturbing rodent fetish. I gave up on watching the show because it was just this same loser kid over and over again. Is it so hard to bring in someone new to give the show a fresh reboot?

*Red
1. He uses Pikachu. Besides the reasons noted above, what does it say about the strength of trainers in your region when your supposed "strongest" trainer doesn't even have the intelligence to evolve his Pokemon into their final forms? I'm sure Red is the one who's always mocked and ridiculed by the other champions.

2. Dude, you live in a cave. You know what kinds of people live in caves? People with something to hide, whether terrorists, fugitives from the law, or just runaways. Now, I'm not entirely sure which category Red falls under, or whatever connections to terrorist cells or organized crime he may or may not have, but he's obviously hiding from someone or something.

3. Now, I don't know if your larynx was slashed out by a wild Pokemon or by someone who got tired of your boasting, but try to find *some* way of communicating with others rather than standing there silent like a dumb brick. Try writing on a notepad or one of those Stephen Hawking voice box things. Then again, depending on how annoying he may or may not be, we may not want to hear him speak. If he's a Joey clone and brags about his "top percentage Pikachu" then maybe he's better left silent.

4. Really? You make me hike all the way through that horrendous Mt. Silver to find you, only to give me a less than satisfying battle where I OHKO or 2HOKO every single one of your Pokemon? I mean, if you're going to be that easy to beat, at least park yourself in an area where we can get to you easily. The battle with you was so NOT worth the effort of trying to reach you.

5. You stole the thunder from my favorite trainer. One of the most annoying things about HG/SS was everyone saying, "A young boy named Red broke up Team Rocket." Um, NO! Because I clearly recall when I played Leaf Green, it was a GIRL who broke up the team and I certainly didn't name her "Red." Really, there should have been some option where you could get her to replace him as top trainer. Maybe by playing as the girl in HG/SS or using the dual slot option with your own copy of FR/LG. It shouldn't have been just him.

*Pokemon Black and White
1. The girl trainer dresses like she trains Pokemon by day and turns tricks by night. Which is hardly an appropiate image, if you ask me.

2. The experience system. I've seen this sort of "diminished returns" style of experience gain in other RPG's and to put it bluntly, it sucks for me and my playing style - which is leveling up my party until they tower over the opposition. Getting fewer and fewer points per battle causes this process to drag on and on for much longer than it should.

3. Why are post-game trainers 15-20 levels higher than the Elite Four? Coupled with #2, they became nearly impossible to prepare for beforehand. And it doesn't make sense logically, either. If these guys on Route 14 and such were so strong, why wouldn't they take on the Elite Four themselves? Surely with their Lv65+ Pokemon they could have taken on the Elites who only top out at 50.

4. Trubbish, Garbodor, Stunfisk, Drudiggon. Yeah, those guys.

5. Where is the Vs. Seeker? Why couldn't the touch screen be used for something more useful than the C-Gear (which is only really useful at anime/gaming conventions and the like)? Why can't we rematch the Gym Leaders? Where are the cool apps like there were on the Poketch and PokeGear? Why were these features left out of the game?

*Pokemon Emerald
1. The retouching of May's clothes and color scheme did not work so well, Besides making her outfit look more disjointed, her now green bandanna is way too easy to lose track of, especially in the tall grass on the way to Fortree. Of course Brendan, with that weird white hair/fluffy hat/wig that makes him look geriatric, never looked good.

2. We had the luxury of the Vs. Seeker in FR/LG. Why must we revert to the inferior PokeNav system of rematches in Emerald? The ability to rematch Gym Leaders simply doesn't make up for the Vs. Seeker's superior convenience and versatility.

3. Do we really need two artsy pretty boys who use Water-type Pokemon? Wasn't having one in the form of Wallace enough? Steven was a tougher champion to defeat, anyway.

4. The Battle Frontier: Cool concept, but horrible hax luck by your CPU opponents make the place an exercise in frustration more than anything else. The place is interesting enough and the battle formats are certainly innovative, but all of that fails to matter when victory is snatched out from under you by the likes of Sheer Cold, Focus Band, Brightpowder, Quick Claw, and the infamous Critical Hit.

5. Hoenn as a region as a whole is unimpressive. We didn't need all those water routes, and the ones with the currents were especially annoying. So were all the speedo-wearing swimmers, and the fact that because of all the water, my Electrode and Bellossom ended up 7 levels higher than the rest of my team by the time I reached Victory Road. And who builds towns atop trees, floating in the sea, or inside a volcano, anyway? Those locales just struck me as odd and overdone.
Posted inPokemon Gaming, ‎WTF?!, ‎Pokecommunity
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Comments

  1. Old Comment
    Melody's Avatar
    ...Best Emerald roast Evar. Seriously I lol'd. And I LIKE the 3rd gen!

    On B/W...Turning tricks, lolz. I wondered why she dressed so attractively. I thought maybe she was being a rebel against hoity-toity parents or something like that.

    Stunfisk makes me mad. They only seem to be found in little puddles of water. Wtf?

    Oh and don't get me started on the Pokemon encounter rates in B/W. Back in the GBA days, you were guaranteed about 3-4 steps between encounters, and that was annoying enough. Now you can actually walk through a three wide line of grass, and encounter three pokemon. wtf?!
    Posted July 25th, 2011 at 01:52 PM by Melody Melody is online now
  2. Old Comment
    shinysweety's Avatar
    I like Pikachu and to me those Pikachu words were kinda mean, but your are so right about Ash, he is and Idiot especially when he hugs fire pokemon or Pikachu when there flaming or sparking and he told Pikachu to attack him and he fell down stairs allot of times..... idiot.

    And i totally agree on pokemon White-Black.
    Posted August 8th, 2011 at 08:32 AM by shinysweety shinysweety is offline
 

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