Some things I need to vent
Updated July 31st, 2011 at 2:16 PM by Miss Doronjo
I know that some people online and offline might see me as a cheerful guy, as I really like to be! But, honestly, I question that -- am I really as such? Cheerful, an optimist, and laid-back? I honestly think I can get as moody as a sour puss. Just last night, I was depressed for various reasons; and the only way I felt that I can shave off that depression was eating potato chips; which even then, at the end of the day, It didn't work! I felt like a pig, and even more stressed out. Really; I really have no idea why I get so stressed and depressed when there's nothing wrong at all. I just call it "one of those days..." Its happening more frequently now a days; and its eating me up inside.
Have you ever felt those feelings on where at the end of each day, you just say: "what the hell's the point anymore?" That's the question that's been riddling up my mind these past months. At home, I'm always compared to other people around my age; like for example, the fact some of them my grandmother talks about has a higher paying job than I; and the fact is, the job I have really takes a toll on me emotionally; which... I couldn't even begin to tell on how depressed I was that my friends were being more successful than I. Another example is when my uncle said that: "RAAAAAAWWWR U HAVE NO GIRFRIEND!!!1! YOUR COUSIN HAS ONE!" That especially took a toll on my emotional state because I personally, lost track on how many relationships that just went downhill for me. Honestly? At first I was like: "why would I give a crap?" I wouldn't call the most popular guy around anyway, and I didn't give a crap about that anyways; I've made my friends for who they are; not on their "social standing". Even when it comes here to PC; I don't want people to just look and talk with me, just because I'm a moderator; I just wanna chat cause I'm Shawn, and I'd really would like to get to know the person. Anyhow, admittedly, watching the people who are currently having a successful relationship in their life; I guess I get pretty jealous. That's an emotion I don't like -- jealousy.
I guess another thing is that sometimes I like to think and view life like a play. Well its weird! But yeah; there are no small parts, just small actors. I just wish that the people who are closest to me could understand that. My mother's relationship with my father is in the pits and rocks. Everyday, my mom always chews dad out for not doing well for himself, which, on the contrary, dad has a good paying job working with cars; even a second job to boot for even more money. While it is true that mother is a nurse, and most likely make more of a yearly salary than my dad, I always tell my mom that dad is trying to make something of himself too. However, whenever I do, mother always chews me up: "oh? why do you always defend him?" Like this is a battles of sides or something. Of course, they're divorced, but before, I used to always be in the middle of their heated arguments. Its unbelievable.
What I don't like about dad though is that he's pretty much a perfectionist. While there's nothing wrong with that honestly; its just -- the heat that my dad gives me for "not giving his standards" is nerve racking. I'm not the type of person that goes well under pressure. If I get yelled at because of a mistake, I'll just keep doing more mistakes; and I'll like an idiot at the end of it all. I know sometimes I might make mistakes when it comes to moderating here; its just, ugh, I just... kick myself over that. Even when it comes to talking with people; I sometimes have noooo idea what the subject even is; thus, I ask a lot of questions. Maybe it comes off annoying? I dunno about other people, but...I sometimes feel...lower? Wow I don't even know.
Anyhow, this blog post is just somethings I needed to come out my chest and vent; sorry if its..confusing; if you have some advice for me, I'm all eyes. [not ears because, you know. Computer text. ^.^;]
Posted July 31st, 2011 at 3:12 PM by Gold warehouse
Posted July 31st, 2011 at 3:27 PM by Kenshin5
Updated July 31st, 2011 at 3:38 PM by Kenshin5