The problem with us all stems from the one force that succeeds in permanently separating us. This force is known a faith, or beliefs. I don't mean religion though, no, it is much deeper than that. The very core of our souls revolves around what we believe in, what or who we place our faith in. Whether it be a deity, idea, person, or science, we have accepted it as truth.
The problem is though, that everyone has different beliefs, no one idea can be universally accepted. People strive to make others follow their beliefs, to make them see things through their eyes. It divides us, it divides me. My thoughts conflict each other, as I can never settle with one belief, I can never accept something with complete faith. Some say it is natural, and believe I will one day join their thoughts, others are as confused as I am. At least that is what I try to believe.
I suppose the one belief I have with complete faith, is that for every action there is an equal reaction, and I do not mean the physical kind. I have witnessed this first hand, and it has shaped me into a kind person, at least that is what I believe.
I don't think there isn't a god, and I don't think there is no way of an after life, I wondered at one point what afterlife is like. I compared it to nights without dreams, where there was nothing and when I woke up I wished there had been something. I fear a night without dreams, and thus I fear an afterlife of nothing, something I can not comprehend. I also don't want a heaven or hell, because I do not wish for my life to be devoted to good if there is a chance it will be wasted, nor do I want to have a life of evil in case there is punishment. I just wish to remain neutral, maybe just live my life from start to end repeatedly, with each death wiping my memories. It sounds like a rut, but at least I can believe that it won't be terrible.
I sometimes question who I am. I have multiple personalities, and I can't figure out who is [I]me[/I]. Am I malicious, am I mean? Could I be a murderer in the future? Just as easily I could be good, or kind. I could be a saint or at least remembered as a good person. I believe that walking the line will make me happy. I can be more flexible with my life if I stay neutral, so I always do good things to cancel out the bad (since bad things always happen to me, it never goes the other way). I guess if I really try to be somebody I could because I look in the mirror and I can see my face, and in it I can see the potential that so many have said I waste, but then again if I try to do a lot of good for the world, nothing but bad will come.
I guess even I believe in something, though even as I write this, my thoughts are changing. These are not prewritten and I write whatever comes to mind, I suppose [I]my[/I] beliefs are what sepparates me from true happiness.
Maybe it would be best to change them.
Posted December 11th, 2012 at 12:16 PM by pokewalker