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To move on.

Posted March 1st, 2013 at 3:25 PM by Musique
Updated March 1st, 2013 at 3:35 PM by Musique

It's something of which I have to work on: moving on from my past. No matter how hard I try though my past is in the corner...wanting to get me. Or at least, that's how I feel. I know if I forget my past then I won't be able to improve from it. Sometimes when I post a visitor message I feel like that one day they'll get taken away from me like in 2008. Which is something I can never forget but am trying to move on from. I don't know why I can't. Perhaps because I feel like that history repeats itself. I don't know if I'm a better person now from the person I was back then. I don't know whether forgetting the past will save me or change things but I need to stop dwelling on the past. I don't want to go insane. I really don't. Not in a million years do I want to go down the path to insanity.

My head spins a lot. It honestly makes me want to cry for hours. Whenever I reveal something or, something is really bothering me... my head will be spinning. Perhaps it's my conscience or...perhaps it's the abyss. I mean, I write poetry it's helping me but perhaps there's something else that's causing my head to spin as much as it does.

I'm going to be an adult in two years. I have two years to grow up. I have two years left until I'm no longer a child. It's scary. I know that I have to grow up someday because no one wants a too childish adult: it's not going to leave a good impression on me. I like being a kid. Actually no, I love being a kid...but what if I'm thirty and I'm super childish? What will that mean for me? Will anyone take me seriously? And... more importantly... would anyone want to work with a childish thirty year old?

I want to be happy and have real happiness. Not fake, pretend happiness that I have to literally project to make it seem real. One of the things I do that way no one would know if anything is wrong. Which is a really bad thing for me to do because the more I project this fake happiness the worse I feel about myeslf on the inside. So I want to have my own happiness. But I'm a teen. I guess I'm going through normal teen stuff and I always say this, but... I know what I'm saying is just mild.

Anyway that's it.

Posted inPalamon's Insanity
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