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A picture is worth a thousand words

Posted July 23rd, 2013 at 07:42 PM by droomph

And this pretty much describes what I feel.
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  1. Old Comment
    shenanigans's Avatar
    despite its context, the blog entry that these are from has gotta be one of the best things on the internet. i think the dead fish analogy was particularly useful in explaining this kinda stuff.
    Posted July 24th, 2013 at 02:47 AM by shenanigans shenanigans is offline
  2. Old Comment
    Kura's Avatar
    You have been having these feelings but you never elaborate into why and I am curious as to why that is- honestly? Because I would like to help you. I've been through that feeling and I am sure a few others have felt this way before too. You are not alone. There can be so many different reasons that contribute it and I am sure that your friends here would like to help you, and it may also be helpful for yourself to reflect on and help move yourself forward with. Whatever route you decide to take, I hope you find the answers to make yourself better and get out of feeling that way.
    Posted July 24th, 2013 at 04:08 AM by Kura Kura is offline
  3. Old Comment
    Overlord Drakow's Avatar
    Originally Posted by Razor Leaf View Comment
    despite its context, the blog entry that these are from has gotta be one of the best things on the internet. i think the dead fish analogy was particularly useful in explaining this kinda stuff.
    I am the best thing on the internet.
    Posted July 24th, 2013 at 05:24 AM by Overlord Drakow Overlord Drakow is offline
  4. Old Comment
    droomph's Avatar
    Originally Posted by Kura View Comment
    You have been having these feelings but you never elaborate into why and I am curious as to why that is- honestly? Because I would like to help you. I've been through that feeling and I am sure a few others have felt this way before too. You are not alone. There can be so many different reasons that contribute it and I am sure that your friends here would like to help you, and it may also be helpful for yourself to reflect on and help move yourself forward with. Whatever route you decide to take, I hope you find the answers to make yourself better and get out of feeling that way.
    Posted July 24th, 2013 at 08:04 AM by droomph droomph is offline
  5. Old Comment
    Kura's Avatar
    Originally Posted by droomph View Comment
    Hm.. I guess that can be frustrating. Have you tried any different routine or patterns of thinking to stop yourself from like.. digging yourself in a rut? You seem like a smart guy so maybe trying to think logically about situations might help. Like if you are sitting there feeling down in the dumps why don't you try to be productive about something? Even if it's simple like clipping your nails, or looking up recipes or something just to preoccupy yourself. Kick that laziness in the butt and maybe try being proactive? Perhaps if that doesn't help you can try and take a different approach? Or try and figure out why and problem solve? Worth a shot? Might be better than sitting there. Talking about it to someone you trust might be helpful too.. but I guess it depends on the situation. I'm sure you don't want to feel that way so why not give it a shot, right?
    Posted July 24th, 2013 at 08:53 AM by Kura Kura is offline
  6. Old Comment
    droomph's Avatar
    I mean, thinking about it, the real reason is that people are just so ****** to everyone else that gets me depressed.

    But…I can't stop that completely, and even though I know that people are good…there's just the thing that I can't get over that I see people being mean to each other more than I can get over them.
    Posted July 24th, 2013 at 11:16 AM by droomph droomph is offline
  7. Old Comment
    Fairy's Avatar
    I second Kura on this. And to add to it; your feelings of despair are symptoms. You have an underlying illness -- whatever it may be -- that's triggering these emotions.

    Droomph, you must know at this point in your life that having feelings like this, the depression and anxiety, is not normal. And while it's true that you're not walking that path alone; it's up to you to change things. Unless of course you enjoy living in mental squalor.

    Take the time to get better. Talk to someone, think of something, take the steps. Really reflect on why you have these feelings and figure out how to do something about it. There are ways to help yourself, you just have to want help. ;c
    Posted July 24th, 2013 at 12:53 PM by Fairy Fairy is online now
  8. Old Comment
    Esper's Avatar
    Just gonna post where those images came from in case anyone wants to know the context. Like Razor Leaf said, it really is one of the best things on the internet.

    droomph, I'm sorry you can't get over people's awfulness, but maybe you will eventually even though it might feel like that can't happen.
    Posted July 24th, 2013 at 01:10 PM by Esper Esper is offline
  9. Old Comment
    droomph's Avatar
    Originally Posted by Scarf View Comment
    Just gonna post where those images came from in case anyone wants to know the context. Like Razor Leaf said, it really is one of the best things on the internet.

    droomph, I'm sorry you can't get over people's awfulness, but maybe you will eventually even though it might feel like that can't happen.
    crap I just remembered that I meant to put the source up last night :p

    And I don't know…I'm just trying to get over that and focus on the people who are great! Like you guys.

    But whenever I go on imgur or something and my "wit" (is it even? idek) gets misinterpreted, and I get a -24 on one comment, or I feel left out on something I said I would be more than happy to help, I get kinda down on the dumps for a couple days (because I'm thinking "wow I suck at this Internet thing"). And maybe I'm "internetting" too hard, but I treat these people like real people that have social expectations and real emotions, because really, they are.

    But I don't know…maybe it's just me. Well, time to focus on the good.

    I think I need to get a life :p I want to find someone I can hang out with without their parents hating me for not taking studying 24/7 and having fun.
    Posted July 24th, 2013 at 01:55 PM by droomph droomph is offline
  10. Old Comment
    Overlord Drakow's Avatar
    A lot of people behave differently on the internet than they do in the real world, though I suppose it depends where you're interacting with other people.

    You shouldn't let things on the internet bother you too much even if they can be related to real life situations. It's just not worth your time and it does you zero favours if your negativity stems from the net.
    Posted July 24th, 2013 at 02:33 PM by Overlord Drakow Overlord Drakow is offline
  11. Old Comment
    stranger's Avatar
    Right. I want you to know, that this is not an attack, it is not something to be "depressed" over, nor it is something I want you to take negatively. If you end up taking this blog comment negatively, I want you to walk away, and think about it for a while. As you've picked it up completely wrongly.

    First off, suicide is not something to make light of. Suicide and depression is currently at an all time high all over the world. Let me be blunt, those who suffer of depression for a long period of time usually suffer in silence as they feel that exclamation of their feelings is a plight upon those who have to listen to it. Nor do they believe that talking helps. In this case, I feel you're confusing lack of ambition, attention, drive, and motivation with mental depression. There is a difference between desiring to be happier, and depression. A lot of the time, those who introvert themselves, diagnose their own conditions, and it's so easy to link a negative mood to depression.

    If you were honestly concerned with your well-being and desire to die, you wouldn't be putting your cry for help on a forum where people go to post and pass time. Chances are, you're not going to come across any revelation from a user who tells you that things are going to be okay, or that you have so much to live for. You'll find a sense of self-worth from the attention you receive, yes, and I do believe that what you're looking for with these advancements is exactly that; a pick-up. Whether you have a level of depression, or believe you do, you're directing your grievances towards a crowd of people who don't actually know you. In effect, what you're doing is going down a main street, screaming that you want to die. People will be concerned, and will tell you otherwise. However, you must ask yourself, are you always going to want to desire the re-assurance from complete strangers so that you can pick yourself up for a short period of time? Or would you rather find a more efficient way of dealing with your problems, be they serious or not?

    The case may be that you need help. If that's true, then you need to go get it from professionals. If it's a case where you actually do this for re-assurance and to appease the lack of attention you seem to have on occasion, then you need to interact with other people, not react on a public forum in what is a truly negative way. If you're suicidal and/or depressed, you need professional help. If you're not so far along as that, then you need to find another way to air out your grievances rather than playing the fear factor card on thousands of people on a forum, talking about wanting to kill yourself.

    If you want to take advice on how to improve your own happiness, all I can say is the following. Everyone has their story. Everyone has something locked deep down inside or not depending on how open they are with their emotions. But we've all gone through hard times or some things that have affected us in seemingly negative ways along the path of our lives. Some people choose -for lack of a better word- to wallow in what has happened and it burdens them for the rest of their days, or at least, a completely unnecessary amount of time. Some scars never heal.

    Now that we've got a little bitter truth under our belts, time for the progression, the next ingredient if you will. People tend to say to me when I'm down or going through tough times, "Life is hard.", a bold but true statement to make I'll admit, now I reply "Compared to what?". It dawned on me that you can't compare life to anything because you haven't experienced anything other than life itself. So my point here is, don't. Don't look for something to compare your life to, just live it. People wish their lives away wanting to be someone or something else, before they know it, they're 6 feet under wishing that they could have that life back.

    Things are hard to get over right away, I'm not saying they're going to disappear as soon as you want them to. You can't rely solely on other things to make you happy. A lot of your own happiness is made up by you, by your mentality. If you choose to be happy and you want to be happy you will be. Otherwise you can choose to be sad and you will be. If you think negatively, the others around you will fell that aura. Human emotion is very powerful. You may think I'm making it sound easy, when it isn't, but I'm speaking from experience. A year ago I was close to falling off the edge in more than one sense of the metaphor. Now, I'm one of the happiest, most cheerful people you'll meet. It takes a lot to put me down for the count or for me to dislike someone or something whereas it would have been easy a year ago.

    I might sound like a total cliché, but everyone is strong enough and able enough to be happy. No matter how hard your life is, there's always a possibility for happiness if you can believe that it's there for you, if you can suck it up and reach for it, if you're willing to put yourself out there. Anything is worth being happy, because when it comes right down to it, that's what we live for. To be happy.
    Posted July 24th, 2013 at 04:14 PM by stranger stranger is offline
  12. Old Comment
    stranger's Avatar
    Oh, and if I wasn't clear, I want you to please stop threatening to kill yourself, or anything of the likes. If you need help, do your best to get it. All you're doing here is scaring people and making them feel obligated to try and help. It's selfish and disrespectful, so please, cool it down a bit. Thanks.
    Posted July 24th, 2013 at 04:35 PM by stranger stranger is offline
  13. Old Comment
    droomph's Avatar
    That's all nice and all until you realize I have practically nobody to talk to.

    I'm trying to get over it, but it's a feeling so jaded over that I don't realize that I'm talking about it until it's much too late to take my words back.

    I'll be honest I know that this is probably a stupid place to post what I'm going through but I honestly have nowhere else to put it. I have said in the past, what helps is simply that people can read my thoughts if they choose, and that the thought that somebody in the future can relate or possibly help is comfort enough on it's own.

    I don't feel that what I'm going through should concern anyone though. These are just days when I feel really down and they aren't in any way connected. And as I said, writing them down so that I know that somebody will listen to my thoughts is enough help on it's own.

    Though it may not seem like that. I understand. But from the spontaneity of these feelings to the fact I have nobody to talk to in real life about the crazy feelings that I don't even know about, I feel really trapped and want to get it out where I feel comfortable.

    You all think I'm as selfish as I do myself. I know just as well that what I say sounds really weird and attention-seeking. And that is exactly why I feel the way I do. I don't even feel comfortable about me saying that. But I'll be honest, I try to make it as…not blatant as possible? But I know it doesn't work. All it does, if anything, is to amplify the effect I'm trying to get rid of.

    I don't know where to conclude…there's just so many parts of that problem that I don't even know how to explain it concisely. But I honestly also hate doing this. I don't care if you don't believe me, because that's the truth behind all this whoring-out and stuff. I don't have anyone to talk to, these things come and go faster than I can get used to them, and I fruitlessly try and keep them away.

    I just want to never wake up again…and when I try to convey this feeling, society feels obligated to try and "help" me. You know what, being dramatic about it helps me get over it. I operate that way. Sure, I'll be a bit disappointed when everyone "ignores" me, but I'll be much happier to just get it out of my system.

    Of course, I didn't expect you guys to know all that, and I'm in no way angry about this. I just wanted you guys to know why this bs happens every week
    Posted July 24th, 2013 at 05:17 PM by droomph droomph is offline
  14. Old Comment
    droomph's Avatar
    And if you're wondering why I'm just gonna let these blogs sit on "public" and amass "concerned" and "comforting" comments, it's because I'm like another person when I read these and I stare with horror when I realize that I'm the person who will have to deal with the comments. And if I just delete these blogs, I'll just make it worse honestly.I'm almost doing you guys a favor :p

    This is why I'll never do drugs. Having multiple personalities I can't control is bad enough, now I gotta handle more personalities? Um no thanks.

    And if you think that these are all lies, go ahead and think that. Whatever you may believe, these will always be the facts.
    Posted July 24th, 2013 at 05:33 PM by droomph droomph is offline
  15. Old Comment
    stranger's Avatar
    Go get help, that's a solution to your problem of not having someone to talk to. It sucks that you have issues, but you're just creating more for other innocent people on PC by doing this. So to reiterate, by seeking professional help, you'll have someone to talk to, who can actually help you. Any future threats you make on the community to kill yourself will be taken much further this time.

    Let me remind you that the threatening to harm or kill oneself is a criminal offence, in which there is plenty of physical evidence in which you have left around the forum for to be reported if you continue to state such things in desire for attention. Punishment for threatening self harm is usually state governed psychiatric help. If you are reported for suicidal concerns, you may be involuntarily be taken into custody for evaluation at a mental health facility of up to 72 hours. These are actions and allegations in which can be forced upon you by any PC member or bystander who wishes to report the activity you are imploring, and they would need zero affiliation with the forum, and may provide 100% confidential reporting of such content you have provided, and thus, do not even need to involve themselves in legal proceedings to report you to authorities upon your behaviour.

    An incentive to go get yourself some help, and to avoid publically exclaiming your self-harming desires. It'll help you, no doubt.
    Posted July 24th, 2013 at 06:45 PM by stranger stranger is offline
  16. Old Comment
    Kura's Avatar
    In contrary.. this is your blog. Your thoughts.. and I think if you are feeling a certain way, no matter if you decide to exaggerate it.. you should be able to post it here. What a lot of Gavin said is true, don't let it discourage you from having a place to pour your heart out.

    And to the people being mean thing? Most times people do it for benefit. The internet is full of it because there is much gain and no consequences to any actions done on here. People can bully without repercussions just to make themselves feel good. People can negative vote you because maybe this is the only place they feel they can shoot someone else down instead of being the person shot down. Who knows their story. You just have to realize that you can influence just as much as them, but instead.. by setting a good example and overcoming it instead of falling victim. There are many heroes in our world who have taken this to the extreme.. Mother Teresa, etc. So keep being you and lead by example and be as strong as you can. A lot of us here want to support you and see you succeed so don't forget that.

    Getting professional help isn't as easy as it sounds and it costs a lot especially if you don't have insurance. Professional help also isn't available 24/7. $50 for half an hour is average. Some schools don't have councellors, some do. Some places don't have Samaritans.. some places don't have kids help phone. I even tried calling NHS which was supposed to be a 24/7 hotline for medical advice and questions and I got yelled at and told I should just get an appointment to my GP which I had to wait 2 weeks for. It's easier said than done and while it's probably the best option, and a good thing to even try, blogging at least can be a step to calm any nerves and clear your head.
    Posted July 25th, 2013 at 04:33 AM by Kura Kura is offline
  17. Old Comment
    droomph's Avatar
    Yes Kura that is also what I meant. I feel that this is a place to calm my nerves while "professional" help is a-waiting. I have gone to many therapists and they have helped but what you said is true, I DON'T WANT TO BURDEN THEM WITH THE **** THAT I HAVE IN MY STUPID LITTLE FACE by calling them in the middle of the night with my whiny little problems because they have lives, they are raising kids, and I know that they don't want to be bothered at 10 PM even if they are a ****ing messenger of God. I have no other choice but to put them in somewhere which is MINE and which I can keep as a memory SO THAT I DON'T BURDEN THEM WITH MY CRAP. YOU, YOU WHO READS MY STUPID LITTLE BLOGS, DO YOU REALIZE THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO? I see many blogs and posts I am forced to read the first bits of and I don't like, but that doesn't mean I force myself to read every single bit of them and comment how they need to get professional help or whatever the damn. And this place even says. My posts are my property so as long as I don't break any of the rules I can put up whatever rants I want. And as I said, I try not to put up a mass of these posts in people's lives (because I DON'T WANT TO BURDEN THEM WITH MY ****) so I put them up in one consolidated dark corner where they don't have to read it if they don't want. Ignoring is as big a talent as anything, so I understand if you can't ignore a single post.

    If you want to have more blogs to read, then go right ahead! If you think about it, my blogs in the select menu are simply pieces of material floating down the stream of new material. It has literally no obligation by PC members to be read. But you can choose to read it. Fascinating.

    And Gavin I didn't say I wanted to kill myself…if anything, I want to not feel pain again…which brings me to my point of wanting to die, somehow, without me having to do it, or something like that, like a deep sleep I never have to wake up from again. I honestly thought this would be made clear by the pictures (which she also made that clear), but again, as with the DOMA thread, you read the word "kill" and just freaked out. This is also a lesson for you, to not take one word and jump to conclusions.
    Posted July 25th, 2013 at 06:55 AM by droomph droomph is offline
  18. Old Comment
    Kura's Avatar
    Droomph in all fairness to Gavin, too.. I think he was just trying to help in a really logical way. Don't throw all his points under the bus, but yeah.. what may not work for him might work for you too. I understand you're passionate about it, but you dont need to get angry either or patronizing, I dont think, even if it was hurtful. Also I think it could be frustrating to Gavin and others in a similar position who see you talking about the things that are bothering you, but never mentioning how you are trying to fix these things or help yourself- because those things show vulnerability and often people dont want to share it. It may come off to some people as a plea for attention rather than just a personal rant. Two sides to the story each time and I think that everyone needs to realize that other peoples' problems are never simple.. and that's why there are professionals around to help.

    I hope this may help settle the storm.
    Posted July 25th, 2013 at 08:04 AM by Kura Kura is offline
    Updated July 25th, 2013 at 08:58 AM by Kura
  19. Old Comment
    stranger's Avatar
    You've threatened to kill yourself on this site before, towards other members in fact. And saying that a comic strip which says "I don't want to kill myself necessarily, I just want to be dead", isn't boding well in the court of "droomph is moving past that". Again, trying to help you as much as the community you weigh yourself down on with problems. I both sympathize, and empathize with your situation, but you just need a more private way of dealing with your problems, making problems public can only make them harder to deal with. As well as create more, for that matter.

    Also saying "I don't want to kill myself. I just wish to die, maybe get someone else to do it", which is Euthanasia, which is also illegal in the United States. Which falls under the same laws I mentioned before. Be careful about what you say on the internet, you're not as anonymous as you think you are.
    Posted July 25th, 2013 at 11:22 AM by stranger stranger is offline
  20. Old Comment
    droomph's Avatar
    well that's taking everything literally

    I said I just don't want to feel any pain anymore, which doesn't necessarily…oh well.

    and I…just…

    i'm not just leaving this alone. I'm just hiding this from everyone. nobody has to see me like this, and this is the least conspicuous place on the internet. nobody needs to read this. Maybe if there were more blogs things might be drowned out (which I want to happen), but right now it's treated as a "public" situation where in fact it's not. Again, ignoring is a talent and I can understand if you can't do that, but I'm always trying my best to keep it away from the actually public places, like the main forums.

    And if you're wondering what I'm doing to help myself, I am trying. I am most definitely trying. I've been in a psychiatric hospital against my will, and I'm not allowed to own firearms until I'm 19. It's not that bad, but it's trained me. No amount of "calling the cops" will make me relent from anything I feel that really helps, because I know that this is better than telling everyone about my feelings all at once and having them misinterpret them again like that aforementioned time where I ended up in the looney bin.

    It's just that right now, no progress I have made is anything that would make you guys care, it's mostly just day-to-day things like going to the gym, taking steps to reduce stress, etc. But no major breakthroughs other than the ones you see in my personality, which even then is probably not enough.

    But rest assured, I'm doing stuff for helping me stay up. This is one of them - telling everyone what I feel to no specific person so that I don't have to keep it in my face and then directing it towards one person who didn't want to be near me in the first place.

    And I try not to put it all in a row. I've tried to make myself look less depressed by blogging about different things and trying to be light-hearted. I try very hard to not have two in a row just be all about death and gloominess.

    So no amount of "calling the cops" will deter me from doing this. As I said, I don't want to go through pain anymore. That's the only thing I will say as my statement from now on if you so wish, the cops can take me all they want, they can't charge me for having a wish, even if the wish is different from what normal wishes are.

    I will definitely try to make it less conspicuous (as I always have), but these sorts of blogs will still float around from time to time.
    Posted July 25th, 2013 at 11:53 AM by droomph droomph is offline

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