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what it's all become... bye 2013!

Posted December 16th, 2013 at 09:52 AM by Forever

i want to write this down somewhere. this'll be where.

it's.. p much a summary of 2013. my journey where i've done so much that i never expected to. it's motivational at the end btw, and it's not much smogon really except at start!

2013 changed my life completely. i did so much i never thought i would've, and it all started one night in december, when i set a goal to make a change. to stop being afraid: to actually get into smogon and not hide from everyting. to watch mlp, and not avoid things just because everyone else liked it. from january 1st onwards, my life changed, and it's something that could've never been changed back. i am a determined person, and when i aim to do things, i kind of end up doing them eventually. this goal in particular was important to me - i wanted to not be afraid and get confidence in myself. i wanted to believe that even though people weere intimidating, it really meant nothing. it's true, it did mean nothing.

i set that goal, and slowly as time went on, i stuck by that goal. i got involved in the neverused community, was in nupl, made friends, and finally got a badge. to me that was everything, and my main goal there. to get a badge. to just... be someone recognised. i mean it was because of vrai mainly but still! anyways at that point i also wanted to do photography, sooo i took it at uni, aka when i went back. early in the year i realised x/y was coming, and at that point i wanted to mod that forum, here. i realise now that it's something i never really wanted, and it became amazingly redundant to post threads there to the point that i disliked posting there. i also got two mod partners and the new fifth generation forum. plus, opposite day started emailing me again. oh, and pc's server was booming with activity, and the april fools second fun day worked out great. april was pretty much looking up - the year was shaping up wonderfully.

but then may came. no longer pc staff, left uni, and no emails to read. i had to look for a job, i still wanted to fit into smogon, and i didn't want to be alone. it was crazy because idk it was all new to me.

come june/july i got involved in on-site smogon stuff, i wrote for the smog every month, i got a job towards the end of july and i started to feel happy again. august came, and i became interested in someone. as well as this i got site staff badge, smog media (on smogon) and i was actually earning money! oh, and i got drivers on ps.

by the time september came i was making plans for the future, i wanted to go visit this person, i wanted to get mods on smogon and on ps, and i wanted to be the greatest at my job. oh, and i got demoted and repromoted on pc server.

october came along, and i got mods for the smog, which i didn't really expect to happen, i got ps mods, i started to fit in at work, and found a "niche" - signing up people for rewards cards, and i set in motion plans to visit melbourne, and said person! oh and my aunty got married :)

november is when it all happened. i went in plane for first time, met people i've talked to for years, done stuff, met person, stayed away from home for the first time in years, got mods for smogon's mentorship forum (sry for all the smogon stuff im js) and started to really consider what i was doing career wise in the future. i wanted to be a journalist and a photographer, and i was determined. these things i'll never forget.

week or so later, no longer together with that person. i had everything else i wanted, though, there was no real direction for me to take, nothing really new for me to do where i am, just a new cycle each time.

this has caused me to not really know what i'm doing! i thought i did, but i really didn't. i change my mind every week on what i'm doing, and i think in long term goal wise, and i can't really do that. it's still hard to return to whatever or whoever i really was. i did everything i wanted to this year and way more than i intended, but i still feel empty. i still feel like there's more, but i just don't know. i have no clue what i'll be doing in a year, or longer, or shorter. i don't know my goals anymore, and i don't know how to really overcome what i've thought...

i know this year was full of mistakes, but i also know this year was full of many wonderful things. it's the year that has changed my outlook on life, and everything, and i don't think i would've done as much, if i hadn't have been so determined to fufill my goal/new years resolution of no longer being afraid to step outside of where i come from. to not be afraid of things anymore... i overcame all that, and i'm glad. but yet i'm sad. i kind of miss the old me where i was sitting oblivious but yeah.

i might've forgotten a few things, but what matters is, without a new years resolution, i don't think i could've convinced myself. i like clean slates, and new years was the perfect opportunity for that.

soooooooo when new years and resolutions comes about. think about it more. just take a risk and don't be afraid, put it all on the line and just do whatever, and one day you'll figure out what you're meant to be doing~

oh and i made new friends that was cool.

OH and i found my first shiny pokemon ever in october that was p life changing.

oh and i've tried super hard at drawing this year too :)
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  1. Old Comment
    Regeneration's Avatar
    You should keep a diary.

    ttly srs suggestion
    Posted December 16th, 2013 at 10:18 AM by Regeneration Regeneration is offline
  2. Old Comment
    wolf's Avatar
    Originally Posted by Regeneration View Comment
    You should keep a diary.

    ttly srs suggestion
    Then she could call it "The NeverEnding Story."
    Posted December 16th, 2013 at 10:52 AM by wolf wolf is offline
  3. Old Comment
    Noah Ridgewood's Avatar
    I'm so happy for you that your year turned out the way it did.
    Posted December 16th, 2013 at 08:35 PM by Noah Ridgewood Noah Ridgewood is offline
  4. Old Comment
    Hikamaru's Avatar
    I remember crying when I saw you were not a mod anymore given how active I got in Black and White once I started playing the games, but you made me get active on the server and that's what counts.

    Here's to a better 2014 gurl!
    Posted December 17th, 2013 at 01:33 AM by Hikamaru Hikamaru is offline
  5. Old Comment
    just realised your location, goo.my <3

    anyway glad to know this year turned out p well for you, nica :]
    Posted December 17th, 2013 at 06:53 AM by halcyonic halcyonic is offline
  6. Old Comment
    Kura's Avatar
    Sorry I think I missed your New Year's Resolution.. what did you say it was? I got a bit confused on your wording!

    Either way, good luck with it! :3 NYR are hard to stick to!
    Posted December 17th, 2013 at 04:16 PM by Kura Kura is offline

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