TripAdvisor is a site I frequent where users can post reviews of hotel stays. I've been reviewing there since way before I started reviewing fan fiction.
Now, as you can imagine, some less-than-pleasant stays result in some less-than-pleasant reviews, some of which are, either intentionally or unintentionally, amusing. Here are some of my favorites:
Super 8, Columbia, SC:
This is not the place to stay unless you are interested in taking someone here you never plan to see again, or plan to engage in some illegial activities. The projects are .5/miles right down the street! Good Luck! and bring a gun!
And I thought needing to bring my own shampoo and alarm clock was bad. But at least I know where to do my underhanded "business deals".
Ramada Plaza (then Crowne Plaza), Macon, GA:
The toilet had not been cleaned. It does not require much imagination to figure out how I could tell.
Usually that kind of thing is pretty obvious.
The towel rack is loose, and the towels have weird stains. I cannot tell if it is blood or rust. I don't want it to be blood.
I'm not sure anyone wants it to be blood.
I would recommend staying anywhere else. The street. The park. Jail. Same level of service, less cost. Thank you, Crowne Plaza, for a lovely evening. I'm sure you make Macon proud.
Yep, this is the most upscale place to stay in all of Macon
Super 8, Norfolk, VA:
If you like getting mugged in the parking lot by drunks and rooming next to prostitutes then look no further this is the place for you. They have all the comforts of home including sheets with the 1 bullet hole and 6 stab wounds.
Bullet holes are all the rage in home decor nowadays.
The cleaning crew has the best of all amenities, 1 plunger for the whole 3 story building and a stick with a towel attached for a mop. And yes you might be the lucky one to get that towel to use for your own personal hygiene (oh, don't worry I'm sure they washed it, with the rest of the towels). And bring plenty of cash to cover your hotel bill because confirmed reservations mean nothing to these folks. When the mood strikes they will up your room rate at a moments notice.
Them hotel towels, they's got multiple uses.
Ramada, Fredericksburg, VA
I never ignore my gut instinct, being a police officer, and my instinct said 'Get the hell out'. So I did.
So much for a warm welcome
New Valdosta Inn & Suites, Valdosta, GA
As I was talking to the clerk on the phone through the glass it reminded me of seeing Uncle Mark M. at Jackson State Peniteniary.
Yup, just the kind of check in experience we all crave...
And here's one I wrote myself, concerning the...
Holiday Inn, York, PA
Also, this is one of those neo-upscale hotels that piles a bunch of pillows on the beds and thinks guests can make use of all of them. While fun for pillow fights, one wonders if their pillow budget couldn’t go toward something else…
I'd personally recommend airing out the indoor pool area and giving the carpets a good scrubbing. Then again, those pillow fights are fun...
Meh, mine aren't that funny, because I check the site and make sure we stay only at good properties. So my reviews are mostly praise
There's probably lots more gems than these - I've barely scratched the surface of all the dive motels there are in this fine nation of ours...