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Basically, me ranting, moaning and whining about life. A good read for some.
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I'm not going crazy... am I?

Posted January 18th, 2010 at 08:47 AM by Anxiety.
Updated January 18th, 2010 at 10:43 AM by Anxiety.

Well, another rant. But more of why I'm scared.
If you know me, you know I have some OCD and paranoia. Well now my OCD is really bad - I'm terrfied someone is going to die and I have no idea why. And I'm getting more and more paranoid that people don't like me and that someone is in my room, like a ghost. I've been feeling like I'm going to throw up for around a month and I haven't yet, I've tried everything. I'm really jumpy and a single noise will terrify me, like I went in my room to find my laptop, and when I came back out the stairs light was off. It scared me so much and I have no idea why.
Now the ghost thing, as retarded as it sounds.
It started with this reccuring nightmare in which I would see this thing that looked like me but covered in blood, a bandage over its eyes, and its throat clawed out. And it chases after me and grabs me and starts trying to speak, but because it has no throat it gargles and spits blood on me, and then I hear a chainsaw sound and wake up.
That stopped a few weeks ago, but then I felt like I was being watched as I sleep, I'd wake up with a really heavy chest and I wouldn't be able to breath properly, and it then I'd see someone sitting in my computer chair, I still do. And when I was at my friends house she fell asleep and I couldn't sleep for some reason, so I went on my laptop, and then I saw someone standing by her bed, I looked right at it, but it was dark so all I could make out was the figure, and then a poster fell next to me so I jumped and looked at it, when I looked back the person was gone. And then I saw it again, by her bed again, and it started to move towards me and then it disapeared again, then I moved my laptop screen down so I could find my bad so I could have a cigarette, and there was this mauled face, I was too scared to even scream, and then it disappeared. I was too scared to move or even sleep for the entire night.

I'm scared of the dark now, and I haven't slept since Friday night.

I don't know what to do. But I'm scared. And I think I'm going crazy... No. I'm not going crazy, but I think I'm just... loosing it.

EDIT: Oh thats just great. Thats just ****ing great. No screw you word filters, I'm angry like you wouldn't belive.

My friend just got jumped by three dudes, and he's all bruised and cut up, and his sisters hand its covered in blood because she punched her wall so hard, and I do mean covered. I want to be there right now. I want to find the ****ers and rip their damn throats out. I want to kill them, and guess what? I CAN'T HELP HIM. I'm too far away. This isn't fair, nobody does that to any of my friends and gets away with it.

FFS. JUST FFS. I've actually NEVER been so angry.
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Comments

  1. Old Comment
    NiKaNoRoU's Avatar
    Well, I don't really know what to say except...maybe you should get a friend spend a night with you and do stuff that will make you forget about that.

    Also, that 'paranoia' thing exists, it's called "oyashiro-sama's curse"
    Posted January 18th, 2010 at 09:04 AM by NiKaNoRoU NiKaNoRoU is offline
  2. Old Comment
    Sakari's Avatar
    You really should get some sleep, sometimes when people don't get enough sleep they start seeing certain things. I'm scared of the dark as well at times, maybe leave your lights on. Sometimes when I can't fall a sleep I go online and then sometimes I fall asleep. Either that or drink some night quill.
    Posted January 18th, 2010 at 10:22 AM by Sakari Sakari is offline
  3. Old Comment
    Kura's Avatar
    Why don't you talk to a therapist. People on here aren't actually gonna fix all your problems. If you wanna do something about it, I'd talk to someone who could actually help you out.
    Posted January 18th, 2010 at 09:09 PM by Kura Kura is offline
  4. Old Comment
    Forever's Avatar
    No sleep since Friday? oh God. D:

    Close your eyes and think about being an admin of PC. It'll be much scarier than your usual nightmares. idk who it'd be scary for though. XD
    Posted January 19th, 2010 at 12:56 AM by Forever Forever is offline
 

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