Ever Sit Back..
Do you ever sit back and wonder that you are the way you are not mostly by your accomplishments, but rather, by the things you fear and the experiences that you've dreaded? Ever wonder how much, really, have those sour times in life impacted choices you've made in the present?
Sometimes I think about this, and although I wouldn't change my life at the given moment, I find it difficult to really take this idea and swallow it. It impacts almost everything, even if you've moved on from the past.
And sometimes, it's seen through slight hesitance in replying to a certain question.. or simply avoiding something plain and simple.
I'll give you all an example:
What I wanted to say.. is that sometimes words sting.. or sometimes words lift you up. Sometimes words make you remember without even forcing you to recall an actual memory. Like some people turn away from a certain instrument in music because they remember someone very prominent and hurtful in their life and that person played that instrument..
It's almost like.. an unconscious association that you can't shake.
It doesn't worry me. It really can't worry me.. but I just find it peculiar. I have certain habits that are formed because of bad incidences more than good ones.
Have you ever noticed this about yourself? And what do you do?
I could go on about countless things that I notice but I can't seem to help.
It could be as peddly as ALWAYS remembering to dot your "i"s because of a time a teacher scolded you.. or something deeper like not being able to open up to people because of a certain time that you had been betrayed badly.
Or.. do you not agree with me? Do you think habit is formed more from good than bad?
Perhaps I'm just a negative person.. but I would think that I am at least.. negatively perceptive. Hahahah!
Edit: Also.. I think I plan to delete this entry soon. Just because I'm finding it difficult to really word the things I am trying to say. I guess I'm just displeased with this entry.. but I also guess I just wanted to type it out and put it out there for a small period of time..