Venting is all, don't mind me...
Posted December 3rd, 2010 at 10:09 PM by Patchisou Yutohru
Updated December 30th, 2010 at 02:36 PM by Patchisou Yutohru
Updated December 30th, 2010 at 02:36 PM by Patchisou Yutohru
Please excuse me, I need to vent and this is the only way I can clear my mind. I'm in no way trying to start anything. I'm simply expressing myself.
First, let me start off by saying that this blog relates to PC. Secondly, a lot of people ask me why I'm friends with so many staff members and not so many members and the reason for that is simple. Yes, it's true that I'm friends with people I like - and there are a lot of people here that I like. In fact, I can't think of one person I don't like. But I like being friends with someone who I like, and someone who appreciates me as well.
Back when I started staff, I was exploited a lot. Most of the time it was for people who came around after they were banned and wanted me to get them back in. Let me just say that I have no problem if someone who's banned and wants to come back asks me if they can come back. Of course, I don't make those decisions myself, so I send it along the trail to the people who do make that decision. As long as someone who's banned makes an effort to change their ways and proves it, I don't have a problem. But a lot of people in the past used me as a way to get unbanned, then when they were unbanned, they basically did the same thing.
I'm someone who's a little naive, yes, I trust people far more than I should if I don't feel there's a reason not to. I'm a little gullible as well in that regard. If someone doesn't show me any signs of having unpure intentions, I usually don't spot them and that tends to bite me in the ass along the way when they do show those unpure intentions. Over time, it's hard to really trust some people who aren't already in a title of their own. Being in the position I am, sometimes it's hard to know if someone who randomly starts trying to talk to me is trying to get on my good side and exploit me for their own personal gain in a newfound position on here. Some staff say that they can spot suck-ups, but some suck-ups are genuinely trying to be nice and have nothing but pure intentions. Yes, there are a fair share of people here who think that they can befriend someone on the staff and at the snap of their fingers become a staff member, but that's really not how it works. But this blog isn't about that...
Do you ever feel unappreciated by a good amount of people? Don't you hate that feeling? I certainly do. Sometimes I feel that people don't understand the things that I do, why I do them, what I do them for, etc. and that's okay. I don't like being someone who people can easily understand. Being a book with it's pages open and the same thing written on every other page is so boring! I like being different, I like being weird, I like people staring at me like I'm some freak. It feeds my ego to know that I'm not the same as the person standing next to me, or the person sitting across the room.
But back to the topic. Feeling unappreciated - or worse, being unappreciated. That's something that most of us go through offline all the time, but not many of us really expect it to happen to us online as well. I've come to a stark realization that I am unappreciated for a lot of the things I do. This makes me question why I do them. It doesn't at all make me want to give it all up, though, don't get me wrong. But it does make me scratch my head in confusion and have a general misunderstanding of people here. There are a lot of people who do things because they want to make themselves look good in general and want to impress others with it, but there are others who do things because they actually care for the wellbeing of what they're doing.
I get a lot of people who PM me and scold me for a decision I made. A thread I locked, a thread I moved, an infraction I gave, a ban I removed, or otherwise - and that's okay! I don't expect people to agree with every decision I make on the forums. I don't agree with decisions other staff members make sometimes, either, and that just goes to show that we all have different opinions. I think it'd be rather unfair to strap us of our opinions and want us to be so carbon copy with how we handle things. That'd just take the fun out of doing what we do as staff members.
But there is something I don't like when it comes to this. Sometimes, people out of that bunch like to say that I shouldn't be where I am because of my judgement over a particular matter. How rude, how disrespectful, how ignorant, but most of all... how unappreciative. Most of the time these people are people who think any move against them is someone out to get them, and they victimize the unimportance of it all and use it in a negative way, but other times... I really don't know.
Getting to the point of it all, I do feel as though people are unappreciative of me and what I do here sometimes. Sometimes I feel other staff members don't appreciate what I do, but that's rare. Most members, though, as a whole, don't seem to realize that I'm not here for me. Yes, I do enjoy this kind of stuff. Yes, I do like being here. Yes, I come here when I'm bored and it's a good way to cure boredom. But I don't do what I do and spend countless hours trying to improve the community to put it on my resumé or anything like that. I do it because I care about the community. I do it for the community. I think this applies to a lot of other staff as well. Not all, but a good majority. Hell, I didn't type that actual guide to become a moderator for no reason at all, did I? I wanted to make it so that people who are interested in becoming one knew the steps to get where they wanted to be. There are a lot of those people, whether they want to admit it or not, and that's a good thing. They'll become model members regardless of if they make it or not along the way, though, and that's something that we lack here.
There's a lot of members too that go unappreciated here and go under the radar completely, and that's probably harder on them than it is for someone who isn't so under the radar. I can sympathize with that. I can't sympathize with the people who don't deserve something people give them, though, or the people who give it to them. I can't sympathize with people who neglect someone for doing something over someone who barely does anything, or does it thanks to the someone who did do something to make that "barely does anything" happen. Whatever the reason. Personal bias or otherwise.
This brings me to a recent blog entry Nica made. Why is it so hard for people to appreciate someone for what they do? Everyone deserves to have appreciation thrown at them because everyone has something to contribute, even in the smallest ways. But everyone doesn't get shown appreciation, and are generally tossed around because of what they do by people who don't seem to care. I don't understand the concept.
Do you feel unappreciated?
First, let me start off by saying that this blog relates to PC. Secondly, a lot of people ask me why I'm friends with so many staff members and not so many members and the reason for that is simple. Yes, it's true that I'm friends with people I like - and there are a lot of people here that I like. In fact, I can't think of one person I don't like. But I like being friends with someone who I like, and someone who appreciates me as well.
Back when I started staff, I was exploited a lot. Most of the time it was for people who came around after they were banned and wanted me to get them back in. Let me just say that I have no problem if someone who's banned and wants to come back asks me if they can come back. Of course, I don't make those decisions myself, so I send it along the trail to the people who do make that decision. As long as someone who's banned makes an effort to change their ways and proves it, I don't have a problem. But a lot of people in the past used me as a way to get unbanned, then when they were unbanned, they basically did the same thing.
I'm someone who's a little naive, yes, I trust people far more than I should if I don't feel there's a reason not to. I'm a little gullible as well in that regard. If someone doesn't show me any signs of having unpure intentions, I usually don't spot them and that tends to bite me in the ass along the way when they do show those unpure intentions. Over time, it's hard to really trust some people who aren't already in a title of their own. Being in the position I am, sometimes it's hard to know if someone who randomly starts trying to talk to me is trying to get on my good side and exploit me for their own personal gain in a newfound position on here. Some staff say that they can spot suck-ups, but some suck-ups are genuinely trying to be nice and have nothing but pure intentions. Yes, there are a fair share of people here who think that they can befriend someone on the staff and at the snap of their fingers become a staff member, but that's really not how it works. But this blog isn't about that...
Do you ever feel unappreciated by a good amount of people? Don't you hate that feeling? I certainly do. Sometimes I feel that people don't understand the things that I do, why I do them, what I do them for, etc. and that's okay. I don't like being someone who people can easily understand. Being a book with it's pages open and the same thing written on every other page is so boring! I like being different, I like being weird, I like people staring at me like I'm some freak. It feeds my ego to know that I'm not the same as the person standing next to me, or the person sitting across the room.
But back to the topic. Feeling unappreciated - or worse, being unappreciated. That's something that most of us go through offline all the time, but not many of us really expect it to happen to us online as well. I've come to a stark realization that I am unappreciated for a lot of the things I do. This makes me question why I do them. It doesn't at all make me want to give it all up, though, don't get me wrong. But it does make me scratch my head in confusion and have a general misunderstanding of people here. There are a lot of people who do things because they want to make themselves look good in general and want to impress others with it, but there are others who do things because they actually care for the wellbeing of what they're doing.
I get a lot of people who PM me and scold me for a decision I made. A thread I locked, a thread I moved, an infraction I gave, a ban I removed, or otherwise - and that's okay! I don't expect people to agree with every decision I make on the forums. I don't agree with decisions other staff members make sometimes, either, and that just goes to show that we all have different opinions. I think it'd be rather unfair to strap us of our opinions and want us to be so carbon copy with how we handle things. That'd just take the fun out of doing what we do as staff members.
But there is something I don't like when it comes to this. Sometimes, people out of that bunch like to say that I shouldn't be where I am because of my judgement over a particular matter. How rude, how disrespectful, how ignorant, but most of all... how unappreciative. Most of the time these people are people who think any move against them is someone out to get them, and they victimize the unimportance of it all and use it in a negative way, but other times... I really don't know.
Getting to the point of it all, I do feel as though people are unappreciative of me and what I do here sometimes. Sometimes I feel other staff members don't appreciate what I do, but that's rare. Most members, though, as a whole, don't seem to realize that I'm not here for me. Yes, I do enjoy this kind of stuff. Yes, I do like being here. Yes, I come here when I'm bored and it's a good way to cure boredom. But I don't do what I do and spend countless hours trying to improve the community to put it on my resumé or anything like that. I do it because I care about the community. I do it for the community. I think this applies to a lot of other staff as well. Not all, but a good majority. Hell, I didn't type that actual guide to become a moderator for no reason at all, did I? I wanted to make it so that people who are interested in becoming one knew the steps to get where they wanted to be. There are a lot of those people, whether they want to admit it or not, and that's a good thing. They'll become model members regardless of if they make it or not along the way, though, and that's something that we lack here.
There's a lot of members too that go unappreciated here and go under the radar completely, and that's probably harder on them than it is for someone who isn't so under the radar. I can sympathize with that. I can't sympathize with the people who don't deserve something people give them, though, or the people who give it to them. I can't sympathize with people who neglect someone for doing something over someone who barely does anything, or does it thanks to the someone who did do something to make that "barely does anything" happen. Whatever the reason. Personal bias or otherwise.
This brings me to a recent blog entry Nica made. Why is it so hard for people to appreciate someone for what they do? Everyone deserves to have appreciation thrown at them because everyone has something to contribute, even in the smallest ways. But everyone doesn't get shown appreciation, and are generally tossed around because of what they do by people who don't seem to care. I don't understand the concept.
Do you feel unappreciated?
Total Comments 10
Comments
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I know what it feels like to be unappreciated, offline and online. There are times I question the things that I do in life, because it might not be recognized by anyone else. When doing things for PC, I like to pull my full dedication into it, for the better of the community and for the members. When I think of PC, I don't think of staff, myself, or the people I'm just friends with, but I think of the community as a whole. A way where what I do might be beneficial to everyone.
Sometimes that feeling gets ignored though, or I get taken for granted because of my position. So, I know what you're feeling like, and it's not just you, but a lot of people who at times feel unappreciated for the things they do. It's a moment like this where it's just good to get it off our backs and feel relieved of what was on our minds.
So, I hope getting this out there does help you feel better.Posted December 3rd, 2010 at 10:31 PM by Hiiro 
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I appreciate you and what you do. Becoming a staff member has given me a newfound appreciation of the people who run this forum.Posted December 3rd, 2010 at 10:32 PM by Livewire
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I can appreciate everything you've just said there. Why I quit, in fact.Posted December 3rd, 2010 at 10:40 PM by Spherical Ice
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...I almost cried. ;-;
I can totally sympathize. I tend to feel unappreciated quite a lot; mostly in offline life. But when it happens online... it just hurts a bit more, because I feel my actions and such go completely unnoticed when they are much more obvious and easily seen. :/
As for you, I see you do so much around the community. I hold you in high regard because of everything you do to make PC better. I hope you start to feel more appreciated, because I know being unappreciated is not at all a nice feeling. :( /understatementPosted December 3rd, 2010 at 10:44 PM by TheSmartOne
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Well first -- I also appreciate everything you've done since you've put your dedication and intelligence in these forums; like your blogs -- your how to be a moderator guide -- I was very impressed by that. <3
I don't normally think about it, but I guess I feel unappreciated...both IRL and online. While normally I just tell myself "oh well at least I know I did the right thing to do" it really isn't a nice feeling to be unappriciated.Posted December 3rd, 2010 at 10:56 PM by Miss Doronjo
Updated December 4th, 2010 at 03:00 AM by Miss Doronjo -
oh sure. and i think half of my feelings i brought upon myself, so foolishly giving my full dedication and immense care to a place so unreliable. maybe my advice has been taken and my actions have caused some notable reform, but i have been completely rejected over unfair judgment based on half-assed scrutiny. people can be very unfair and it's the human way to take people for granted- this is a pretty fat dose of reality i've had trouble swallowing for a very long time.
it's very frustrating to feel this way, and i empathize heavily with people who do experience these feelings. nick, i'm sorry this is something that pains you from time to time, to me you've always offered plenty of support and perhaps we've had a few disagreements but that doesn't change our friendship and i don't think you're anything short of a diligent, caring, and dedicated staff member. your encouragement and faith in me has meant a lot, i truly appreciate you and your contributions to the entire community.Posted December 4th, 2010 at 01:05 AM by poopnoodle
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Well to start out ever since you were promoted I came to notice how dedicated you really are to this forum and that you actually do try to listen to all the members. I've seen that you answer other member's questions politely and you take your time to explain things and I really appreciate that. I appreciate a lot of people here and all the different personalities and things they do for the community I just never say it because I really don't know how or when to say it and whether it even needs to be said in the first place. I'm sure a lot of members appreciate you here too they just don't say it either or don't really know how to show it.
As you pointed out sometimes staff might get the idea that a member is just sucking up for some type of recognition. Which is part of the reason why I tend to not say anything to begin with. I really don't want my good intentions to get taken as some type of staff pity vote. I only express myself like this when I feel like I really need too or when I feel like another person might really need to hear it. I just feel like I have to say that before anyone else gets the wrong idea.
As for myself I never thought I was unappreciated online because I never thought I did anything that was really worth the appreciation. If anything I just do what's expected of any member. I try to make decent posts/threads and I try to converse with others.Posted December 4th, 2010 at 01:06 AM by Ayselipera
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For once I find it difficult to have something to say. We aren't particularly close but I don't like to hear that you've had to feel so much negativity lately. I feel, that in a way, it is something we all go through.. and I am not saying that to belittle your feelings.. but rather.. to let you know that I understand what you're going through. It is something even I struggle with from time to time, but I still am at a loss for the right words here. Perhaps my brain isn't working tonight!
Regardless, it's really healthy to get this off your chest and I'm really glad that you vented. I hope you're feeling better.Posted December 4th, 2010 at 02:15 AM by Kura
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I can't say I know you too well, since I've only been here since Spring '10, and I apologize if I haven't recognized what you've done for the forum in its entirety, but there's no way you are going in the wrong direction.
Even these interesting and intellectual blog posts, as opposed to someone telling everyone they bought halo reach via blog, it's contributing to the forum.Posted December 4th, 2010 at 05:21 AM by Karpman
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Tch. Throwing another pity party are we Nick?
Just as I do, and you have even more right than I do to feel 'unappreciated', you know how dedicated you are here to PC. I can't say we've always seen eye to eye, or agreed on everything, but you're one of the few staff members I have no trouble with respecting. That is the best appreciation I can give on my part usually...because I'm one of those members that dares to have an opinion. XD
(Not that I care if anyone particularly values it or not, I just have it, and will express it in all ways I feel possible)
Still...being used and abused is just a fact of life man. It's not a crime to call foul on many who try to 'use' you though. That point you made about some staff being able to "Smell a Suckup" really hit home. I've been quite rejected by the people with this so called talent, and you are very right...more often than not they're just shutting themselves off from people, the slightest bit of honest praise or even a slight expression of assenting opinion makes them assume you're just brown-nosing and that can be quite frustrating!
It's part of the reason why I regularly make sure to step on enough toes that no one ever wields a paintbrush at me. :3
I do not ever want to become that secluded...it'd be far too easy for me to do so. I've worked so hard to become a more open and honest person. To be more social. Being made staff here would undo all my work. It's depressing to see that happen to you, you're an awesome person! But eh. What is done is done. I certainly don't expect you to just hop on up and call me friend.Posted December 4th, 2010 at 09:35 AM by Pachy
