A spoonful of humour makes the medicine go down.
Dear PokeCommunity Higher Staff,
I am writing you this letter to let you know that there are no hard feelings. I know that choosing a new moderator must be difficult when there is a sea of eager faces desperate to take on the position, and to choose between them can never be simple. Also, finding somebody that fits into that blue miniskirt cannot be an easy task to undertake. Even still, I have to wonder why I have never been offered a position, and after a string of questionable decisions I feel I can no longer hold my tongue.
I have done everything right. I joined the community seven months ago and immediately set about my campaign to become a mod. It is generally accepted that the easiest way to become a mod is to make friends with the current staff. So I did exactly that! I managed to befriend Live_Wire466, Forever, Kaori, bobandbill, Erik Destler, Patchisou Yutohru, Luke, Drew, Ausaudriel – and after some work – Captain Fabio. Seriously you can check it out – they’re all on my friends list, I'm not even joking.
Now, I’m not silly. I know that no matter how many friends you make on staff, you can’t be modded if you are not active. Therefore the second most important thing, as I read in the book I bought on the very day I joined The PokeCommunity – How To Become a Moderator: Three Easy Steps for vBulletin Success! by poketrainer2004 – is post count! Now, I don’t want to brag, but my post count has reached more than one thousand. That’s right, one thousand posts. That’s three zeros after that one. Once a higher staff member got wind of this phenomenon, I was expecting an immediate invitation into the next available staff position. So since it has not come, the only conclusion I can draw is that no-one has noticed yet, because surely if they had my name would be in bold blue by now. I even went so far as to create an alt account as most staff members do, just as a pre-emptive strike to fit in when in the inevitable occurred.
It all started when Alternative was named moderator of Other Clubs. I was of course shocked by this: after all, I was the natural choice! I am a member of four different clubs – and I’m even active in one of them! Also, it’s worth noting that the club I’m active in is the LGBTQIAA Alliance. Do you know what this means? It means I’m gay. Yes, gay. I am in a minority, and therefore you are morally bound to give me preferential treatment over everybody else. Isn’t that how it works? We aren’t allowed to get married, so in equalising we get first pick at mod positions on Pokemon forums. I’m sure I saw that in the constitution. Unless, of course, you are homophobic, in which case legal action will be considered against both The PokeCommunity and each individual higher staff member who did not vote for me.
Next, Meganium90 was modded in New Users / Welcome. Again, I was floored by the sheer incompetence that the higher staff have shown. Why did they not choose me? I have welcomed new users before! I must have upwards of ten posts in that forum, and while I’m aware of how fond Meganium is of the newer members, my Mummy taught me that I am an amazing person and that I can have anything I want in life – so I expected that my all-pervasive awesomeness would be enough to win me the day. Clearly, I was wrong.
Then last week, Spinosaurus was modded in Pokemon Groups. He has an intense passion for this forum, and I’m sure he will do wonderfully as its moderator, however I am once again left wondering – why not me? Sure, I do not belong to any of the groups, and indeed I don’t believe I have ever once posted in that forum, but if you look at my Other Clubs participation record it’s plain to see that the ‘club’ genre is something at which I am extremely talented.
But yesterday, yesterday is the one that really stung. Toujours was made the moderator of Pokemon General. Now, the reason this stung is twofold: Firstly, I joined PokeCommunity five weeks before she did! Doesn’t this mean I get the first offer? Secondly, it’s widely acknowledged that that girl has been nothing but trouble since she day she joined back in March. All it takes is one glance at her join date and her post count to see that she is clearly a spammer. She brings nothing to the community and is clearly only here with a view to causing trouble. You might as well have unbanned a random member that was exiled for posting porn and put him in charge of Community Announcements. I can see it now: “Announcement: I like boobs”
Now, the thing about Toujours is that she is clever in her approach. She may seem to be the best member since Chairman Kaga, but in fact everything she says has a mocking energy that very few people have the ability to see. Here is an example of a post she made in Pokemon General – the very section that was given to her to look after.
Now, this may seem to the untrained eye like a straightforward argument, but look a little closer. You can see how she mocks the idea of Pokemon in general; belittling it with her words. You can see it now, can’t you? She is not even a real Pokemon fan. She is just a heavily veiled troll looking to destroy the community from the inside. And you’ve just handed her the first step toward the power she will need to do just that.Quote:
My final argument is this: Moderators need to be sexy. If this weren’t true, then the emblem a person gets for being modded would be called “Frumpy Moderator”. Now, I’m not denying that Toujours is a sexy person, this much is evidenced by the seductive speech and tones with which she fooled you all into modding her in the first place. But is she really the most sexy person for the job? I’d like you all to take a look at this photo of me:
Look at the way the sexual energy just oozes from me, seeping from my pores and giving you urges the same way radiation gives you cancer. I even wear sexy glasses, surely that is the sign of a moderator-to-be.
Now, there really is no argument I could give that would be more effective than that picture, so I’ll just leave that with you and let it do its job.
Now again, I'd like to re-iterate that there are no hard feelings for these decisions. I totally get it, you need to keep up appearances of hiring on an 'equal opportunity' basis rather than just giving me all the sections because I'm so damn awesome. But at the same time, I feel like I shouldn't be penalised for being so amazing. Anyway, I'll await my PM
Love, Shining Raichu.
Posted September 4th, 2011 at 4:17 PM by Anna
Posted September 4th, 2011 at 4:47 PM by Ludger
Posted September 4th, 2011 at 8:39 PM by Harley Quinn
Posted November 21st, 2011 at 3:18 PM by Celestial Daze
Posted July 22nd, 2012 at 7:57 AM by Hikamaru
Updated September 12th, 2012 at 7:52 AM by Hikamaru