From daily life in the astral planes to tutorials and creativity showcase, this blog documents the thoughts, feelings, and everything Kurui x3. Comments appreciated!
~Feign~ :: I'm Okay.......Right?
Pain and Suffering:
Just how much is too much? I'm not depressed, but.......well, it SUCKS. Let's just be real about it. Most young people my age are still going out having fun every day. Malls, theatres, parks, you name it. Always on the go like I used to be. It really seems like 50 years since I've been able to go out and enjoy myself without pain or dizziness beyond words or shortness of breath or strange sensations. I just want to be able to do SOMETHING. ANYTHING. And completely immerse myself in the company of friends and whatever we're doing together.
Is it really so much to ask?
In order to go out I just........pretend to be fine. And then I'll get really sick because I'll push myself doing things. Things that i should be able to do easily. Effortlessly. It's a freaking struggle.
I eat and I throw up. That's just how it is. Call it "meh....majour acid reflux" and brush it off like doctors do I DONT CARE IT IS MISERABLE TO HAVE FOOD SHOOTING FROM YOUR NOSE AFTER YOU EAT EVERY FREAKING TIME. And the coma-like state it induces when it's trying to digest, where it saps every bit of energy to where I can't even lift my eyelids. "Sometimes, the body just does that." WELL MY BODY DOES IT ALL THE TIME.
What's wrong with me.................
And what's more. I got on disability to get healthcare. Well, nobody within here to MARS takes medicaid patients. WHAT GOOD IS DISABILITY IF I CANT SEE A DOCTOR.
Please, America. I've been forcing to pretend to be mostly okay for too long. But the fact is I AM NOT. And it is NOT MY FAULT. This is NOT ANXIETY. Your tests have proven that it isn't Your shrinks have proven that it isn't. So instead of blowing me off because I can't pay you out of pocket 100$ TO JUST COME IN AND SAY "YOU LOOK GOOD TO ME WE DONT NEED TESTS", take the dang medicaid and have a fricking heart and DO YOUR JOBS!!!!!!!!!!!
I think I'm okay now. Maybe.
Posted August 8th, 2012 at 4:42 AM by Kura
Posted August 9th, 2012 at 2:48 AM by Kurui
Posted August 9th, 2012 at 4:46 AM by Kura