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Rating: 3 votes, 4.00 average.

:D! ...no, just :(. And :( is bad.

Posted October 9th, 2008 at 05:56 PM by Sammi
Updated October 9th, 2008 at 06:47 PM by Sammi

So, promotions today! Normally, I'm super excited. I'm usually bouncing off the walls and stuff. Because, omg, orange! Fresh meat! Happy faces all around!

Today, I look at the names and go "...meh."

It's not that they're bad choices. Not at all. Hell, I like Went. But... I just can't get excited at all. I can't squee about it. I can't be happy for them. I just... can't care.

I think it's a combination of things.
  1. The week. It's just been exhausted the past two days. I want nothing more to sleep for a good 10 hours right now, but I have a response to type again... I'm tired, and when I'm tired, I'm cranky and mood and ugh. I do a lot of stupid things when I'm running on little sleep.
  2. I'm still adjusting to not being staff. This means, you know, having jack for input. I know nothing. It's still hard, not knowing what's going on. Like, Audy posted twice, "I could tell you why you're good s-mods but you'll see in the HQ thread." When you've been on the staff for close to three years, do you know how hard it is, to be told you can't see anything? I want to yell at Audy right now, srsly D;
    It's just so hard to be on the outside looking in after being on the other side for so long. Really, it's the thing I have to adjust to most.
  3. This break. It's a great instant relief, knowing that I have no responsibilities to PC other than to follow the rules. That I like. But the main reason I left was to calm down. It just isn't happening. There's been a few things that I've just been mad about. (One of them I feel terrible, becuase I might've been able to do something if I'd still been on staff!) This break just isn't working that well as I'd thought. It's only been a week and a half, so it really can't have changed me that much, can it?
    Then again, me being upset about the staff ruined Audy's s-mod promotion for me, too.
  4. I would've preferred other mods as s-mods. Although really, I would've been outvoted anyway.

I just want to cry. Over PC. PC!

SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGH.

Here's hoping I'll get over myself over the weekend. Which will be Sunday, unless I get to bed early Friday night. I have to get up early to go grocery shopping. D: SIIIIIIIGH again.

I'm such a sad person.

EDIT: Yeah, I'm stupid. No right to complain when I put this on myself. I'm sorry to infect you like that, PC. But I can't grow if I'm not torn apart every once in awhile, either.

There's not enough *headdesk* in the world for tonight. That's what I get for opening that mouth again.
Posted inPC
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Comments

  1. Old Comment
    Ausaudriel's Avatar
    Well um.. I'm sorry? D: I was just exciting about those two getting to participate in HQ stuff, I wanted to nudge them towards it. I really didn't mean it badly, or to upset anyone or make anyone feel left out.

    Honestly though, I think it's silly to want to yell at me over this. If you wanted to see the threads, just ask for your spot back now. You DID ask for this temporary leave, to clear your head and everything, and now you're upset about not being able to see staff stuff? It really makes no sense to me.

    If it's a big issue just ask for your spot back ahead of schedule. Not like people would say no or something.
    Posted October 9th, 2008 at 06:03 PM by Ausaudriel Ausaudriel is offline
  2. Old Comment
    BeachBoy's Avatar
    Audy, I think she was just implying that she couldn't see anything and your effort to nudge the mods just edged her a bit, she wouldn't honestly yell at you. She's obviously stressed, so yeah, I don't think she was really going to yell at you. XD;

    Samsam, you know what I think. I hope things work out for you.
    Posted October 9th, 2008 at 06:21 PM by BeachBoy BeachBoy is offline
  3. Old Comment
    Sammi's Avatar
    @ Audy -- I imagine so. You've never struck me as the person to go intentionally rub it in people's faces that OMGI'MSMODANDSEESPECIALFORUMSMUAHAHA! I'm just saying... that's how I felt at the time.
    Sorry I kind of pointed fingers at you there. It wasn't smart. >> I didn't really WANT to complain to you, but yeah, posting about did anyway. lol i r smrt, amirite? <<;;

    Why does getting upset over not seeing the mod sections not make sense? I don't know, was I not clear? Or is it just that stupid to be frustrated over what you can't have?
    I was trying to figure out why I was upset. Is it stupid? I think so. I want the break, and that means giving everything up. It's such a minor issue to get so worked up about, too. But I can't just say it wasn't a factor, either. That'd be lying to myself.

    Also, I'd rather not come back early. I'm never going to learn if I give in. >_>

    I'll adjust.
    Posted October 9th, 2008 at 06:31 PM by Sammi Sammi is online now
  4. Old Comment
    Morkula's Avatar
    Uh, 'scuse me? It was your choice to take a demoted LoA. So if you're going to gripe and complain about staff decisions made when you were gone, just get over it.

    And it's not fair to Audy to get mad at him over something as trivial as that. Like I said, it was your own decision to go off staff, so you have to live with it.

    The whole point of you taking a LoA was to get your mind clear of staff stress. If you're just going to do this and get all moody and pissy when things happen that you don't like because you didn't get a say, what was the point?
    Posted October 9th, 2008 at 06:34 PM by Morkula Morkula is offline
  5. Old Comment
    Sammi's Avatar
    Isn't that obvious? None.

    Give me time, Mork.

    Also, I'm stupid. You knew that, though. Are you really that surprised?
    Posted October 9th, 2008 at 06:42 PM by Sammi Sammi is online now
  6. Old Comment
    Signomi's Avatar
    Even if you decide to take a break from being on the staff, it's difficult to actually calm your thoughts and fears when you see people promoted, and other people acting what you may perceive to be unintentionally patronising about it, isn't that one of those things you wanted to get over eventually, and thought having a break might aid in that goal?

    I don't believe there was any real pressure mounted onto you when you took your break. Perhaps contemplation over the way things have changed and your jadedness towards positions and wanting positions, which from what I've seen, have done nothing but embitter yourself toward those who haven't even done anything against you. Contemplating tends to inflict that sort of injustice, when you think too much into trivial matters and treating them like an overbearing mountain of hidden motivation. You've completely warped from the way I used to know you, Sammi, in fact you've gotten to be an outright basket case. That's nothing I'm going to keep to myself any longer and something I don't think I even needed to tell you. If anything, you need to sort yourself out.
    Posted October 10th, 2008 at 04:48 AM by Signomi Signomi is offline
  7. Old Comment
    Cherrim's Avatar
    The first thing I want to say about this entry is that it probably belongs somewhere like LJ and not right on PC. D: I understand your thoughts and sentiments but there are several things in this post that are better left a little more hidden from public if only because, A) our new s-mods aren't going to feel as welcome/confident to see someone who was, until very recently, of a very high rank discounting their potential, and B) same thing with members who'll read this.

    Part of taking your leave means when you see that the staff makes a decision, you have to work to desensitize yourself from it. Just force yourself to think as members do; sure, everyone has times where they think "that's not who I would have promoted" but... right now? You're a member. If you disagree, you just have to deal with it and that's partly why you chose to go down to member for a while. No point getting all worked up over something you have no power to change, after all.

    Maybe from now on if the staff makes a decision or introduces something you don't like, or can't stand--ignore it. Go do something else--play a video game, write something, just don't think about it. Even if you do think about it, don't write blog entries, don't get your feelings down, and then in a few days? See if you feel the same way. See if that anger's still there or if it was a fleeting thing, sparked because of something you had no power over.

    When you write entries and comments and posts when you're angry and upset, you'll only regret it later when you come to realize that maybe what you're flipping out over isn't worth your time at all. If there's one thing I've learnt about PC in the last 6 years (and especially last year, when I was off staff for a few months), it was that. Any time I'm upset about something, which I'll admit can be often, I don't let myself reply or formally collect my thoughts on it for like 24 hours unless I absolutely have to add in a comment (and even then, I make sure it's short and usually a sort of placeholder for something more substantial later when I'm not as emotional). That's what works for me, at any rate; maybe you'll find another approach is better for you.

    I don't mean this comment to be demeaning or offensive in any way, so if it comes off as rude or something, I apologize. D: I just wanted to share my thoughts on the issue and a little advice because I've definitely been there.
    Posted October 10th, 2008 at 06:14 AM by Cherrim Cherrim is offline
 

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