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Who Are You?

Meganium

[i]memento mori[/i]
17,226
Posts
13
Years
I've been meaning to post this in a staff thread Klippy made. Been working on this for a couple months and…well, things were coming up and did not get the chance to actually post it. So, here it is. My response. It's pretty deep, but it's also a way for me to review what I've learned so far about myself.

I think you know...what, 75% of me? I guess I can write about me. I don't think some of you know much about me...but the deeper side of me. That's what you DON'T KNOW.

I'm an extremely emotional person in real life. Like...I get so out of control. I'm intense. I'm extremely happy and extremely sad sometimes. Surprisingly I'm not medically bipolar. It's crazy. Yes, I do have an anxiety disorder. I am able to control it without medication though. Therapy works really well for me. I feel like medication just makes you think you're nuts in general.

It may seem like I'm a real talker when you see me around online. Yeah, I talk too much, I blog about my life too much. I also brag about things that I care about the most. In real life, I'm actually an introvert. I'm very shy, and you can tell how much anxiety I have in me. I shy away from groups, especially those group work projects. I'm the person who never speaks but does her work anyway. When I was in elementary school, I was popular. My whole class loved me for how friendly and respectful I am. When I got to middle school, I lost that title. It became the complete opposite. I was bullied. I went from being most respectful, to most bullied in less than a year, primarily because of my weight.

In freshman year of high school, I was also being bullied. It was so harsh that I fell into a deep depression that almost led me to killing myself. All because I had a crush on a guy. He was a popular dude around, and because I started becoming friends with the guy, the whole school went absolute batshit at me. High school drama at its finest. Eventually as my depression got worse, I was called to see my guidance counselor who had a crisis interventionist with her. I was able to obtain therapy and get back up to where I should be emotionally. I later found out that it was the same popular dude that notified my counselor about my depression and my possibility of committing suicide. Without him, I would probably not be writing this.

…he later became my first boyfriend. You know, the one that stalked me for a few years after we broke up. WHICH…leads me to why I decided to change my online identity to Megan. I started a blogsite and blogged about school and other life shenanigans. He made up an account posing as someone else and started commenting about how my life is so "amazing" and wishes to go out with me. IP matched the same hostname as the one my ex boyfriend used to have. Ended up taking down the site, and proceeded to do the same with my myspace, facebook, and twitter accounts. I ended up starting anew, leading up to the current identity I have.

I feel like I have a better relationship with my mom rather than my dad. My dad was the one that granted my opportunity to move to Houston to further my education. My dad and I have a lot in common in the physical sense. My mom and I are more behavioral. Even though I get along with my dad's side of the family really well, I feel like I should work on building a better relationship with my dad these days, but it's hard when he's almost never around due to his job. I feel like I have my mom's behavioral elements, while I have my dad's physical elements. My relationship with my sisters has gotten stronger since I moved to Houston. Before that, I always pick fights with both of them, even though they were always good to me. I was actually the rude one.

My grandmother (mom's side) passed away two years ago. Since then, family life went down to ****. Everyone picked fights with everyone, and I was always dragged into it by my cousins who think I have nowhere to go in life. It was becoming a wake-up-call for me because I was living in a town where you feel like you literally have nowhere to go in life. I was going to a college with a low graduation rate. It was either San Diego or somewhere far away. I ended up choosing the latter, just to get away from everything and to start anew.

The real reason why I moved to Houston was to actually find myself. I was confused at my life. I had no idea what the hell I wanted to do with my life. Family pressure is what really drove me. I was getting tired of my family members throwing ******** such as "at this age you should be married and having three kids by now!" I have cousins who are YOUNGER than me who have more than two kids already, as well as two of them who are divorced and/or getting remarried. I'm almost 25 and I got nothing. But I am not rushing whatsoever. In my life right now there's a million things I want to do before I finally settle down to have a kid of my own.

I don't consider myself as a leader. Going back to the group work project subject, I seem to get a better grade if I lead the group. Last year when I was working at the clothing store as a regular employee, my co-workers started to see me as an actual leader rather than just another follower. My manager sees me as someone who "always leads her team to victory". He even proved that in my review prior to transferring stores. I think that's what made me become a key holder/supervisor, my current position today. I guess that's the same with being staff on here :)

When I met Roy at the Galleria, I wasn't thinking clearly. I didn't see him as this sweet, innocent person who's willing to share his friendship with me. I was literally a *****. I was heavily influenced by Buoysel, my previous best friend/boyfriend. A gut feeling was telling me "you really should give this guy (Roy) a chance", but I never listened. I really liked Buoysel, and part of me never saw my depression coming. I believe things would have been a whole lot different in my life had I actually listened to my instincts, let alone trust them. Being a risk taker is something I am. There are roads for me to choose from, and each road has bumps and dead ends.

I learned so many things in my current relationship. No matter how flawed your significant other is, you still must love him for whoever they are. Roy is my first non-long distance boyfriend that I've ever had, and every day that I interact with him, it's always a lesson to me. The biggest lesson I learned so far? You may love your SO, but they'll love you more if you love yourself. I give him credit for allowing me to change myself for my own good. Because before meeting him, life was really weird.

There was an episode of Wander Over Yonder that Roy showed me one time. The episode was called "Time Bomb". It was about Sylvia being passionate and competitive about winning the race. And when other competitors pick/tease on her, she becomes an exploding "bomb" who's influenced on people's comments and/or insults. I never saw myself as the competitive type. I was always relaxed, laid back, and casual when it comes to playing sports, gaming, and other things. I began to realize that when I entered the competitive world of Splatoon. It's not that I'm seriously competitive to the point that I get literally pissed off when I lose a match. I'm just passionate about the game, or the activity I participate in. I wish there's more players out there who feel the same way that I do.
 
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