Meganium
[i]memento mori[/i]
- 17,226
- Posts
- 13
- Years
- Houston, TX
- Seen Mar 12, 2024
Has anyone ever struggled with this question? This is something that I haven't been able to answer properly. Let alone, answer it correctly. But the truth is, there really isn't much of a correct answer. It's something that you really, really want. But the real question is…what DO you want?
I was asked this several times. And I've given each of them a different answer. Because honestly, I'm just unsure of what I want. I feel like I haven't found myself yet, which is really bad because I'm in my mid-20's and I'm living a hectic life right now. So I haven't stopped and thought about what I'm getting out of as a result.
Back in the day, I've always wanted to get the hell out of California and move somewhere that isn't California. Don't get me wrong, Southern Cali will forever be my hometown and I will love it to death. But there are some things that pisses me off that I couldn't stand it, most of them being personal things (family drama, etc). Back in the day, I struggled to find a good major enough for me to finally move on with my college career (and thus it finally led me to a tech job here in Houston). I struggled so much to reach a point where I'm finally going for my bachelor's degree. When I was a teenager, I actually fantasized myself living out of state, going to college out of state, and living a life where I don't have to deal with so much preoccupations. Today, I'm living it.
However, that wasn't the answer people were looking for.
Let's look back at my trip to Kansas City just about three weekends ago. There was another reason why I wanted to travel there other than meeting a PC member in real life. It was actually a challenge for me; to see how life will guide me through the experience of traveling on my own. It was scary at first, because it was the first time I flew to another state on my own. It actually did open my eyes, and I learned so much more about life than when I was living in Houston or in Southern Cali. I took that trip as an experience, rather than just a visit. I felt like I've grown up a little more after thinking about that particular question that I was asked.
Okay, so I moved to Houston on my own. What do you want out of your life in Houston?
Gee, let me think about that. I see this as a "what do you see yourself in 5-10 years?" type of question. Because quite honestly, future plans after I obtain my BS are entirely unknown at this time. Who knows if I'm gonna end up getting a great job here, and/or having a boyfriend (or let alone get MARRIED), and end up staying in Houston, or move back to California where all of my family is at. There's literally so many paths to take in life.
But what else?
Maybe I want to prove to my family that I'm not worthless. Maybe I want to give back to the people who've been there for me for the past several years. Maybe I want to be emotionally strong. Maybe I just want to keep learning.. I like to challenge myself, so maybe I want to face life's biggest challenges that are out there. Moving to Houston by myself was the biggest challenge I had to do in my life, leaving everyone behind, and starting life anew. What do I make out of that? To prove everyone that I can handle it on my own, and there's nothing to worry about. And if there's something wrong, I will let them know.
I think…what I'm trying to get at is, I want to be worthwhile. I want to make a difference in everything and everyone. I want to pursue my calling while supporting my family and friends. Maybe that's what I want. But I'm still unsure.
Between my supervisory job, my upcoming tech job, night classes at uni, internet life, and my newly formed social life here in Houston, sure life is hectic. But I feel like between ALL of those things, maybe I could actually find my true answer to that question there. I've always been told that I'm still young enough to be looking for what I really want out of life, and that one day I will get my answer. Or better yet, I may have answered without realizing it by simply writing this long entry.
I was asked this several times. And I've given each of them a different answer. Because honestly, I'm just unsure of what I want. I feel like I haven't found myself yet, which is really bad because I'm in my mid-20's and I'm living a hectic life right now. So I haven't stopped and thought about what I'm getting out of as a result.
Back in the day, I've always wanted to get the hell out of California and move somewhere that isn't California. Don't get me wrong, Southern Cali will forever be my hometown and I will love it to death. But there are some things that pisses me off that I couldn't stand it, most of them being personal things (family drama, etc). Back in the day, I struggled to find a good major enough for me to finally move on with my college career (and thus it finally led me to a tech job here in Houston). I struggled so much to reach a point where I'm finally going for my bachelor's degree. When I was a teenager, I actually fantasized myself living out of state, going to college out of state, and living a life where I don't have to deal with so much preoccupations. Today, I'm living it.
However, that wasn't the answer people were looking for.
Let's look back at my trip to Kansas City just about three weekends ago. There was another reason why I wanted to travel there other than meeting a PC member in real life. It was actually a challenge for me; to see how life will guide me through the experience of traveling on my own. It was scary at first, because it was the first time I flew to another state on my own. It actually did open my eyes, and I learned so much more about life than when I was living in Houston or in Southern Cali. I took that trip as an experience, rather than just a visit. I felt like I've grown up a little more after thinking about that particular question that I was asked.
Okay, so I moved to Houston on my own. What do you want out of your life in Houston?
Gee, let me think about that. I see this as a "what do you see yourself in 5-10 years?" type of question. Because quite honestly, future plans after I obtain my BS are entirely unknown at this time. Who knows if I'm gonna end up getting a great job here, and/or having a boyfriend (or let alone get MARRIED), and end up staying in Houston, or move back to California where all of my family is at. There's literally so many paths to take in life.
But what else?
Maybe I want to prove to my family that I'm not worthless. Maybe I want to give back to the people who've been there for me for the past several years. Maybe I want to be emotionally strong. Maybe I just want to keep learning.. I like to challenge myself, so maybe I want to face life's biggest challenges that are out there. Moving to Houston by myself was the biggest challenge I had to do in my life, leaving everyone behind, and starting life anew. What do I make out of that? To prove everyone that I can handle it on my own, and there's nothing to worry about. And if there's something wrong, I will let them know.
I think…what I'm trying to get at is, I want to be worthwhile. I want to make a difference in everything and everyone. I want to pursue my calling while supporting my family and friends. Maybe that's what I want. But I'm still unsure.
Between my supervisory job, my upcoming tech job, night classes at uni, internet life, and my newly formed social life here in Houston, sure life is hectic. But I feel like between ALL of those things, maybe I could actually find my true answer to that question there. I've always been told that I'm still young enough to be looking for what I really want out of life, and that one day I will get my answer. Or better yet, I may have answered without realizing it by simply writing this long entry.