Khawill
<3
- 1,567
- Posts
- 11
- Years
- Age 28
- The Cave of Hymns
- Seen Mar 31, 2023
Well this would be my first blog in history, and I plan on doing a post weekly, regardless of who, if anyone, reads this. I guess it is like a journal of sorts (something I don't have because I carry no secrets)
I spent a few days thinking about what would happen if I disappeared, you know. Not like died, but nobody could find me, or maybe nobody could see me. I tried to figure out which of my "friends" would care, though I realized that the people I talked to were mere asscosiates and not actual friends.
I didn't actually instantly recognize this though, much to my own disappointment. I had to define friend in my head, I used my own experiences of friendship along with what I observed around me. What I finally defined it as is as follows "A person I can trust to a higher degree than most with more than just small secrets. Someone who will not critizize you for yor faults, and someone who will listen to rather than hear your problems" I realized that nobody in this school fits this criteria for me.
Nobody out of over 500 students.
Now this is probably not my fault completely, there are external forces at work without a doubt. I move frequently, this is my 10th school, coupled with the fact that military kids on this base are sent to a public school, and the fact that I am mixed completely isolates me from the get-go. At our school, military kids are called "base kids" some call it a title, others all it a name that separates us. I believe both are true. This isn't the only thing that separates me from the "normal" kids. The school was almost completely Caucasian people and when they started letting "base kids" go there, the population of minorities at the school rose significantly. Unfortunately I was raised in mostly white schools and areas. I am called "the whitest black person" at the school, whatever the hell that means.
The title serves to isolate me further, because I do not have the same interests as the typical black person at my school and there are very few white people that actually would utter the first word to me. (I've almost never had a friendship start where I didn't utter the first word). I feel that maybe my skin color is threatening, especially to the friends that I would most fit in with. Maybe I'm thinking to much into it though, maybe nobody guinueinly wishes to be my friend, in which case there is a problem with my physical appearence, though I doubt it.
I used to have terrible social skills though I think that is because of internal forces, and there is nothing external about it. I'll talk about it in another post maybe, I'm getting a bit sleepy and I find this post sufficient for my first thoughts (and a little history)
I spent a few days thinking about what would happen if I disappeared, you know. Not like died, but nobody could find me, or maybe nobody could see me. I tried to figure out which of my "friends" would care, though I realized that the people I talked to were mere asscosiates and not actual friends.
I didn't actually instantly recognize this though, much to my own disappointment. I had to define friend in my head, I used my own experiences of friendship along with what I observed around me. What I finally defined it as is as follows "A person I can trust to a higher degree than most with more than just small secrets. Someone who will not critizize you for yor faults, and someone who will listen to rather than hear your problems" I realized that nobody in this school fits this criteria for me.
Nobody out of over 500 students.
Now this is probably not my fault completely, there are external forces at work without a doubt. I move frequently, this is my 10th school, coupled with the fact that military kids on this base are sent to a public school, and the fact that I am mixed completely isolates me from the get-go. At our school, military kids are called "base kids" some call it a title, others all it a name that separates us. I believe both are true. This isn't the only thing that separates me from the "normal" kids. The school was almost completely Caucasian people and when they started letting "base kids" go there, the population of minorities at the school rose significantly. Unfortunately I was raised in mostly white schools and areas. I am called "the whitest black person" at the school, whatever the hell that means.
The title serves to isolate me further, because I do not have the same interests as the typical black person at my school and there are very few white people that actually would utter the first word to me. (I've almost never had a friendship start where I didn't utter the first word). I feel that maybe my skin color is threatening, especially to the friends that I would most fit in with. Maybe I'm thinking to much into it though, maybe nobody guinueinly wishes to be my friend, in which case there is a problem with my physical appearence, though I doubt it.
I used to have terrible social skills though I think that is because of internal forces, and there is nothing external about it. I'll talk about it in another post maybe, I'm getting a bit sleepy and I find this post sufficient for my first thoughts (and a little history)