Go Back   The PokéCommunity Forums > Destiny
Reload this Page Conversation Between Destiny and bobandbill

Notices
For all updates, view the main page.



Conversation Between Destiny and bobandbill
Showing Visitor Messages 1 to 10 of 10
  1. Destiny
    May 1st, 2011 11:02 AM
    Destiny
    OK, re re edited!
    Hope it's almost perfect!
  2. Destiny
    May 1st, 2011 07:20 AM
    Destiny
    Ok, I will check out those guides.
  3. bobandbill
    May 1st, 2011 04:27 AM
    bobandbill
    Well there's still the line spacing gap thing you could implement (so e.g.

    Quote:
    Paragraph one.

    Paragraph two!

    Dialogue from someone! More dialogue from the same person on the same line!

    Someone else is now talking so new spacing is used!
    As opposed to what you are doing throughout ie:
    Quote:
    Paragraph one.
    Paragraph two.
    Dialogue for someone.
    Sam person is still talking.
    Different person is speaking now.

    As for the further additions, there's more than just adding in events - for instance:
    Quote:
    "Ok!"
    "Now, Touko. Come over here!"
    The Professor and Touko walked over to the shop.
    "This is the Pokemart! this is where you can buy items for your journey ahead!"
    "Thanks Professor!"
    "No problem Touko, have a safe journey!"
    Sure this shows us more of what actually happens, but what does happen isn't that interesting nor tell us much about the characters or setting. For instance to make this more interesting, detail how she says things (is she patient and happy to tell Touko what a mart is even though arguably a person who is 10 or years older should know what a shop looks like, or maybe tired, or so forth?) and what things and places look like (is this shop big or small? Is there a lot of people shopping, or is it empty save for the shop keepers?). Make the stuff you add in interesting to read about - show rather than tell, as it's more interesting to read when one can visualise what things look like or how they are done. There's more on showing rather than telling in those guides linked to at the bottom of the rules if memory serves btw.
  4. Destiny
    May 1st, 2011 03:54 AM
    Destiny
    Any better?
  5. Destiny
    May 1st, 2011 03:24 AM
    Destiny
    Ok, re edited.
    Please read again.
  6. bobandbill
    May 1st, 2011 03:02 AM
    bobandbill
    It's better already. =) I still feel a bit more could be added in however e.g. although you put in more about the professor showing her about, it still feels a bit rushed to me. More examples of additions to consider in say the quote I used below would be to consider how the rest of the crowd also reacted or how they walked off - essentially consider each event in your story and how everyone/thing would react to said event.

    As for the correct way to go with formatting in regards to spacing, there's no need to make a new paragraph for every sentence spoken (ie with Ghetsis' speech in particular), and use a line gape spacing between each actual paragraph. So for instance:
    Quote:
    Everyone, I end my words here today by imploring you to consider the relationship between people and Pokémon... and the correct way to proceed.
    We sincerely appreciate your attention."
    The man and all his minions walked off.
    "Woah, what the hell was that?" Touko was confused.

    would be better as:
    Quote:
    Everyone, I end my words here today by imploring you to consider the relationship between people and Pokémon... and the correct way to proceed. We sincerely appreciate your attention." The man and all his minions walked off.

    "Woah, what the hell was that?" Touko was confused.
    Hope that helps.
  7. Destiny
    May 1st, 2011 01:24 AM
    Destiny
    Please re-read my fic now I have edited.
  8. Destiny
    February 18th, 2010 02:24 AM
    Destiny
    oh, bums.
  9. bobandbill
    February 18th, 2010 02:23 AM
    bobandbill
    ...I don't exactly do Pokemon trades atm... =/
  10. Destiny
    February 18th, 2010 02:21 AM
    Destiny
    I'd like to trade

All times are UTC -8. The time now is 05:44 AM.