I just have really terrible fear and anxiety you know, so I always feel that I'm some sort of block in people's way and that they really have better things to do than to deal with me, really. ._.; That's the biggest thing that's really preventing me from doing what I need to do....
Oh no.. that sounds horrible darling. I hate to be the person that reinforces everything that your parents and teachers are probably telling you right now, but you need to stick with it. Your financially invested in it. I know, I know, it's like the last thing you need right now but, babe, you need to sit down-- take some serious you time-- and figure out why you're going to college. Truly why did you decide to go to college even though you weren't ready?
Always know that you can talk to your professors. None of them want you to fail and if you communicate your situations with them-- they will help you. That's what you're paying them for. I'm sure they'll understand. Of course, you still need to try. But knowing you, that shouldn't be a problem. See if there isn't an arrangement you can work out with your professors.. you said your math teacher was pretty nice, right?
Trust me, I know what you're going through. I'm only doing part-time classes now, partially because this is my last semester, mostly because I've become my grandmother's full time nurse. Since she got out of the hospital not too long ago I've committed my life around care taking... and it's been really, really tough.
Just remember that this is about you. You are the most important person here and you need to look after yourself. Anything, be it stress, cancer, or anxiety, can kill if left untreated. Be aware of your mental state and don't sacrifice your own well being for something as trivial as math. I mean, I'm not going to give you the "just keep pushing; you can do it! KSLsnffkerjngDSNRhyj54rtgLVNGB" jargon because it's bs. But we both know that your locked in to school and home, and there's no easy way out of it without making huge personal compromises. Are you able to get up in the morning? Can you function -- not normally -- but at all? The instant you question these things, it's time to reevaluate. But until that point, routines like school can actually keep you from becoming too stagnant in your emotional state.
I want you to take a serious emotional inventory, hun. And while your at it, take some time for yourself.. Read a book! Maybe, buy yourself the new Fire Emblem game. Buy some cotton candy, idk. Or just PM me and rant your heart out. You'd be surprised how much that can really help.
I would go into detail with it all, but let's just say I need a hug and someone to talk to more than anything else in the world right now. u__u School sucks, my psychological issues suck and the only thing that doesn't suck(for now) is work. @_@;
I just kind of felt like I made a huge mistake by going back to school when I'm not ready to go back...so I kind of dug myself a hole. I was so overly excited with school(because I was working pretty much the entire fall semester), that I didn't really think about whether I was really ready for it or not.
...And as it turns out, I'm really not.
I mean, I'm taking two classes, which really isn't bad. Problem is, one of them is on campus. Doesn't sound bad on paper, except when I mention that I never do homework at home(because I don't have a "home", so to speak, I live in a motel kind of with my mom and my sister, so distractions everywhere whee~!), and that I have to do it at school. Problem with that, is that I have to wake up at 4 AM in order to do said homework because I work better when it's quiet.
So I wake up at 4 AM, get ready for school, w/e, take the first 5:15 bus to the mall to catch the second 5:30 bus to campus in which I get there by 6:30. All in all it takes me about two hours of preparation and so I go to the biggest building my campus has and go to the farthest space and like crack open my math book and do some math for like 5 hours straight until my brain feels like passing out. Problem with that is, I only really do this on Tuesdays and it's dangerous for me to do this on Mondays nad Wednesdays becuase that's 7-8+ hours of math and I get these really bad math headaches when i do tons of math for long periods of time and they're just absolutely awful but I feel like I'm stuck in a position where I have no choice but to do such and tisajkgheakhgeaihtaeihtaehteat
yeah. my life pretty much up to this point. Except I'm not bothering waking up super early to go to campus anymore, really. The only thing I like about going to school is the faster internet, but other than that, no. ._.