You are absolutely amazing! Are you fluent in Bengali? It's such a beautiful language. I've always wanted to write a song in the language. And it's written so beautifully.
This translation is perfect for what I want to convey. :D
Thank you so much Sayan!
Forget the last one. This one's just perfect. It uses the participle form of the Bengali equivalent of "bow" instead of simple present. But the meaning is much closer to what you intended. Plus it has a much more archaic sound.
The Bengali of "To the serpent I bow" that your friends gave you is grammatically incorrect. It literally means-
"I from snake bent down it will be."
So I decided to do my own translation. This is what I came up with-
নাগদেবতাকে আমি প্রণাম জানাই
There isn't anything in Bengali with the same meaning and feeling as "Serpent". What your friends used simply means snake, the common noun. I substituted that with নাগদেবতা. It is a personification of snake, where a snake is treated as a deity (not as divine as god, more like something to be awed and feared). "I bow" was translated to "প্রণাম জানাই" meaning "I bow down and greet". What your friends did was "I put my head down".