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Conversation Between Spherical Ice and flight
Showing Visitor Messages 1 to 8 of 8
  1. flight
    December 19th, 2010 02:06 PM
    etjmkaejtaet I'm honestly such a perfectionist when it comes to poetry, so it took me quite a long time to do that. xDDD but thanks. I'm really keen when it comes to like, flow and making sure it makes sense and stuff, while being profound at the same time. there are so many factors that I include within my poetry and making sure it fits and stuff that it can take me up to half an hour or even more to write a poem the way I want it. xDD
  2. Spherical Ice
    December 19th, 2010 02:04 PM
    Spherical Ice
    Hm, I just read it.

    I'm not really an expert on poems when it comes to critique, but I really like the message and it flowed well, so good on you there. :D
  3. flight
    December 19th, 2010 02:02 PM
    just posted one of mine up
  4. Spherical Ice
    December 19th, 2010 01:58 PM
    Spherical Ice
    :o I'll be interested to read them!
  5. flight
    December 19th, 2010 01:55 PM
    no prob. :D; I really need to get my own poems up on PC. I'll post them when I get the chance to. they're sorta on the religious side though, but I guess. xDD
  6. Spherical Ice
    December 19th, 2010 01:46 PM
    Spherical Ice
    I knew there was a device I could use and I couldn't put my finger on it. Similies and metaphors, of course! My seive of a brain is a forgetful as a goldfish. XD;

    Thanks for the crit. The mood you described is certainly what I was going for. It was an exaggeration (to a degree), though, ahaha!

    And I do love rhyming, it's fun, especially when it flows well. I do love some non-rhyming ones though. :D
  7. flight
    December 19th, 2010 01:36 PM
    You're welcome. :D

    I can't exactly reply to the thread, as it's pretty much past the whole 1-month mark thing, but I can say a few things about it here:

    As far as mood/tone is concerned(I get both of them mixed up sometimes, but for reasons like these I'll just use both) I get the feeling of a morbid, angry crowd that's upset with democracy. I get this feeling because of the mention of torture in your poem, along with a few stanzas that clearly signal dislike of the governmental rule.

    Usually I'm not that much of a fan of rhyming poetry(I do free style poetry myself. I've grown out of rhyming poetry), but you're definitely an exception. I like rhyming poetry that flows well, that has originality and flow to it. If done well and executed in the right fashion(which you have clearly demonstrated in your poems) even the most cliche "roses are red, violets are blue" can turn out to be something phenomenal. All it really takes is a creative mind and a little play with words here and there and you're set.

    Might I also suggest using metaphors and similes more often? They can also add to the imagery. I like to abuse these as well as adjectives to set the environment for the poems. I love them both because they make the poem have more of a realistic feel, as well as even making some allusions as well.
  8. Spherical Ice
    December 19th, 2010 01:27 PM
    Spherical Ice
    ..just for you, SI :D;..
    Aw, shucks :P

    Glad you liked it. :D If you check back there somewhere is another poem I posted called "Democracy?" if you want to read it.

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