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I wanted to congratulate you on your story. We get people here all the time who post a story and at the first sign of someone saying they need to improve they give up. You, you on the other hand not only edited your story, you made it much better. There was at least one Grammar error, but as long as you don't give up, people are willing to help you. I suggest that you find a beta reader to help you iron out all grammar and spelling mistakes. You can find out more about them here: http://www.pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=203490
If you have any questions, Fell free to contact me.
