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The Last Sentinel The Last Sentinel is offline

I am Sylar

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Showing Visitor Messages 181 to 195 of 745
  1. Cirrus
    May 10th, 2012 7:45 PM
    It's certainly better now. Your SU is easier to read, certainly. : o

    The RP sample is still somewhat clunky, though; I would probably accept you if you were applying for another role other than Arianne - after comparison to other candidates, of course, but it's somewhat acceptable. (Yes, she's very intrinsic to the story and thus I need her to be played well - or at least, uh, in a manner that allows my planned interactions to occur properly, which is also why I'm considering playing her myself. : <)

    Smoothness in writing is not something that can be achieved overnight, unfortunately. I'm still working on it as well, so you know.
  2. PkMnTrainer Yellow
    May 10th, 2012 6:17 PM
    PkMnTrainer Yellow
    Thank you kindly. c:
  3. Cirrus
    May 8th, 2012 6:40 PM
    It feels like every aspect of your description is described in the same transparent way. Your sentences don't really lead into one another effectively, nor do they feel fluid when I read them. Repetition of garnish words like adjectives and adverbs is also something to avoid when they're close to each other, I feel, to avoid monotony (though there are cases when this is acceptable and powerful). Essentially, your writing is what I would describe as clumsy. Plus, your RP sample doesn't really have a defined structure - though it had a focus on conversation, it wasn't really treating the conversation differently from the actions, nor was it centering in on the conversation as something of importance.

    Here are some comments from the friend of mine who was helping me judge, related to your RP sample:

    "He doesn't leave out any details at all, but that means a lot of the insignificant stuff gets left in and clutters up the prose. We don't need "he said as he took a bite of his egg" for five sentences straight."
    He liked your character's personality, though. =)
  4. Cirrus
    May 8th, 2012 4:14 PM
    It's really just one thing; blandness. Mechanically you're pretty okay, but I don't feel the vibrancy of the character, which is pretty important for me. I'll describe this in more detail if you want me to. : o
  5. MichaelaTheUchiha
    May 6th, 2012 10:51 AM
    I've stated something on the OOC thread on TTT (The Tabi Tournament). Please read it if you want to continue with the RP. If you don't, then you don't have to read it.
  6. d4rka8isz
    May 2nd, 2012 4:03 PM
    Sorry, but I can't think of anything to put in the SU. Been really busy these past weeks too.
  7. Rose Quartz
    May 2nd, 2012 1:24 PM
    Rose Quartz
    yes i am thats also said in the spoiler "spots" it said that i could add more spots
  8. Reader_Maniac
    April 28th, 2012 6:46 PM
    Ha, now that I think about it, it does. that would be awsome if you let me have a zanpakuto similar to it. (big KH fan :D ) One for the first realease, then more for the Bankai?
  9. Cirrus
    April 27th, 2012 8:54 AM
    One, uh, minor point - the name of "Genesis" might be rather ostentatious and isn't usually a name that would be found very often.
  10. Zero Darkness
    April 26th, 2012 9:55 PM
    Zero Darkness
    ok, and I thought about the new release. It will be called The Holy Symbol - Hōrīshinboru. Oh and if you can check my other SU, I sended it to you, and Sasuke gonna have some changes in his sword attacks.
  11. Reader_Maniac
    April 26th, 2012 6:47 PM
    Yes, I am, though I have been buisy up until now to work on it. Will try and get it done before the weekend.
  12. jackblaze
    April 26th, 2012 5:58 PM
    Oh sorry about that, yes i'm still interested but I was really sidetracked so i haven't finished the su yet
  13. Pikachu
    April 26th, 2012 3:55 AM
    Sorry for not noticing the edit of your VM earlier. Some people already reserved the free spots in the OOC thread now but I can notify you if some of them aren't putting up SUs withing reasonable time :3 It's neater if all reserving is done in the OOC thread, actually.
  14. Pikachu
    April 23rd, 2012 9:39 PM
    HI :D I'm talkable~ Right now it's school soon so perhaps I should be getting ready instead of going to PC xD

    Indeed it is~ even if it is in a very slow pace. Say, were you still interested in it?
  15. Cirrus
    April 23rd, 2012 8:10 PM
    Yeah it was pretty frantic. o_o My condolences; Loki and parallelzero's sign-ups were too legendary (I think I'm insane sometimes, but they're clearly more overpowered and I need to write as quickly as they do...), with word counts clocking in at nearly 2000 and 1600-ish respectively.

    ... The volume on my thread was not exactly what I anticipated would be happening, either.

About Me

  • About The Last Sentinel
    Nothing really. I'm just one of those nerds that like Pokemon!
    Well, I'm a writer and enjoy to make stories and Roleplay. I play the drums and am currently learning to play the guitar and piano. I draw as well, though, this hasn't really happened as of late.

    I'm currently interested in the gaming industry and all it's aspects.
    Journeying in an unknown land
    Male ♂
    A chef at my local Hy-Vee
    Also Known As
    Favorite Pokémon
    Eevee and it's evolutions
    X&Y/OR&AS In-Game Name
  • Signature
    // Bae'd to Kikpanther //


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  • Last Activity: August 22nd, 2015 8:02 PM
  • Join Date: May 26th, 2009
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