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Barrels Barrels is offline

The Fresh Prince of Kanto

Visitor Messages

Showing Visitor Messages 101 to 110 of 481
  1. Katholic Nun
    June 14th, 2013 08:20 AM
    Katholic Nun
    I'm sorry! I only came online for a little bit and then had to leave again!

    Good news is though.... I HAVE THE INTERNET! I AM BACK FOR REAL-REAL (not for play-play!)

    Now that I'm back in the game, first things first. You are in high school. You are. I'm aware that the British people call it "college" in the last two years and go to a different building so they can feel all special and grown up, but it's high school. It's Year 11 and 12. Silly Britons

    Now - well I can no longer say that I no longer drink, because I've tried quite a few alcohol beverages and even felt what I think might be the early stages of feeling tipsy (note that I say the early stages, my tolerance for alcohol seems to be abnormally high considering i've never drunk before - then again I've mostly been drinking the girly concoctions that are like 4% alcohol). However, I will give you my logic for not drinking before.

    The logic I had at the time was a few things: Firstly, I believed I had an addictive personality which led to me being the obese thing I used to be, so I thought alcohol was probably not a good idea for me. Secondly, I had tried a few sips of alcohol before and found that they either tasted awful or left a burning sensation in my throat which I didn't like. Thirdly, I had this idea in my head that you don't need alcohol to have fun and that people who begin drinking start to become to dependent on it for a good time, which is very sad.

    Now looking back on it, I realise that I was lonely and had very few friends (none of whom would have wanted to drink) and was fooling myself into thinking I was above all the fun people in my age group were having to make myself feel better. Now, of course, I'm not a teenager anymore and I've wasted the last four years of my life sitting in a chair when I could have been out and about doing things and experiencing life like real lifelike people tend to do!

    So now I've wasted my clubbing and wild party drinking years, which is not something I want you to do. You use these years, have the fun I never did! Don't go too wild though, we don't want to lose our Barrels in a cloud of alcohol

    LOL that pic, my God I had no idea. I took like four or five of them trying to make it look just right and then it turns out my body does innuendo for me even when I'm not trying. That's how advanced I am, you see.

    I hope the sunshine has come back to your universe now that I have returned!

  2. Katholic Nun
    May 28th, 2013 04:10 AM
    Katholic Nun
    Also look at the picture thread there's a better picture of my new hair

  3. Katholic Nun
    May 28th, 2013 04:08 AM
    Katholic Nun
    You are my Barrels. I could call you Greg, or Gregory, or Mr Gregory Chalmers the Third, but you are my Barrels and you are to remain as such until the end of time. Even if we were ever to meet in person, I think I would still call you Barrels because you are my Barrels and that is just the way it is!

    You will immediately show me this JONAS recap which isn't about JONAS the second you finish it, right? Right? I want to see the fruits of your independence! Back when I was writing more, I remember I only used to like doing it when nobody else was home, because not only were my family distracting, but if I were writing when they were home I sort of felt like they could see what I was writing and judge it, even though they couldn't. As though their eyes burned holes into the back of my laptop, through the layers of gay porn Firefox tabs and into my creative works

    Lookie, here's that picture!

    Spoiler:


    And although it doesn't show it in the picture, he plays as Jean Grey Freud away my friend, Freud away. You can see the soft drink replacement bottle on the ground next to me haha. But hey, what better reason to drink?

    What's a natch? Is that some fancy British word I don't know about?

    Don't worry about your exams. You're one of the smartest and most articulate people I know, and if all else fails then high school doesn't matter all that much anyway . They don't tell you that at the time, but it really really doesn't .

    And we can be little blue balls of pathetic together :D

  4. Katholic Nun
    May 27th, 2013 07:10 AM
    Katholic Nun
    Oh my Barrels I've missed you too! So so much! Unfortunately I'm not back yet; I don't have internet at this house yet so I'm still without my Barrels time fortunately I have internet tonight as my parents lent me an Internet dongle in its dying days, so I have it for tonight and I have it tomorrow night too because I spend Tuesday nights with my family... but other than that I'm still waiting on installation

    So yes anyway life and independence! Let me paint you a picture of what independence looks like:

    I'm currently sitting on my roommate's bed using my laptop (yes, that roommate) while he plays an X-Men game on the PS2 I lent him and a crappy old TV that his former housemates left behind. I have a bottle of alcoholic pear cider I got free from work that I'm drinking just because I wanted something fizzy and we have no soft drink left because we didn't go shopping yesterday on shopping da...actually you know what? I have the Internet tonight, instead of painting you a picture I'll just take you one.

    Spoiler:
    Please note that there is a picture here that I took on my phone but my 3G connection sucks so I will owe it to you at a later date


    Long story short, it's fantastic. :D

    I'm still having a bit of trouble with the stuff that you were talking to me about in your PM, so I'll definitely continue to seek your counsel on that once I have the Internet and more time to use it.

    But enough about me! Tell me about YOU! How did your exams go? Have you been deflowered by another lovely lady yet? Tell me all!

    (Also thank you for my housewarming present, but I'll have to add it to the "when I have real internet" pile )

  5. Katholic Nun
    May 7th, 2013 10:40 PM
    Katholic Nun
    Hai! I did get your PM (I actually read it on my phone while I was sitting right next to him lol) and I will get to it and The Continuing Adventures of the Goblin King, but maybe not for another week or so. Becauuuuse, we finally got a place and I'm moving in on Saturday! :D

    More details later when I have the time again, but for the next week or so I don't think I'm gonna have a lot of one-on-one time with just me and the Internet lol.

    Thank you so so so so much for the PM. It made me feel a whole lot better, which is something you are uniquely gifted at doing. We shall talk soon! :D

  6. Katholic Nun
    May 2nd, 2013 06:09 AM
    Katholic Nun
    I'm so sorry! My internet stopped working last Thursday and this is the first time I've seen the internet in a week! But that isn't the only reason I've been away (though even if the other reason didn't exist, I didn't have internet so I guess it was the only reason I was away but I need to segue into a story so that was my way to do it. Deal with it.)

    Last Thursday, my roommate who I was falling for asked me if I liked him. I danced around the question for a bit before finally answering yes, and then he told me that he liked me too. Then we went to his room to figure out what we were going to do about this, and I said I'd like to try a relationship and he agreed and then he kissed me and gave me a really affectionate hug. But then by the end of the night when I had gone home, we were texting each other and he said we need to take a while to think about it and if it's worth risking the friendship.

    Two days passed, it was now Saturday and after some long hard thought I decided that yes I would like to risk it because I truly believe he is worth it. He came to a different conclusion. So he gave me a taste of what it would be like to be his boyfriend, made me want it and then changed his mind. So I spent the last two hours of my work shift choking back tears and then left twenty minutes early and burst into tears the second I closed my car door.

    I feel like I didn't tell that story right, like I was too matter of fact about my heart breaking... or maybe there wasn't enough humour, or something. I don't know, but I've felt pretty crappy ever since

    The one bright spot is that he said I was his best friend and we would be best friends for life. It still feels a bit hollow right now, but I guess I'll grow to appreciate it in time.

    He seems to be over it already, which also hurts. When we hang out now it's completely normal, as though nothing ever happened. I think I'm taking it so hard because this is the first time anything like this has ever happened to me whereas it's probably the 17000th that he's dealt with it, but yeah.

    ...when you tell these kinds of stories you tell them so much better! I feel like I rushed through it somehow lol. Oh well, I don't really fancy reliving it again so there you have it

    It also occurs to me that we usually talk about that sort of stuff in PM, but I'm not copying and pasting now

    BUT ONTO BRIGHTER NEWS, THE CONTINUING ADVENTURES OF OUR FAVOURITE GOBLIN KING!

    Spoiler:
    One warm, windswept morning in the East Midlands, the Goblin King woke up and crawled out of his cave. '*****,' he yawned to no one in particular, 'ow.'

    He reached down and rubbed his genitals gingerly. His chlamydia was finally beginning to clear up, but it still ached, particularly in the mornings.

    Wait a second.

    Chlamydia?

    'From which ladygoblin did I catch this pestilential infection?' roared the Goblin King at the empty skies. Suddenly, and not a little disconcertingly, he realised that he appeared to be suffering from short-term memory loss.

    Damn, that must have been some party.

    Half an hour later he heard a thump at the entrance to his cave and wandered out to find his royal assistant looking very anxious.

    "Master, the leprechauns are attacking the village!" he trilled in a voice too high to belong to any heterosexual goblin. The Goblin King sprang into action immediately, grabbing his goblin-crafted sword and scratching himself to no one in particular.

    There was a soft, uncomfortable cough from behind him. 'Master,' the High-Pitched-H'Assistant ventured hesitantly, 'I hope that scratch wasn't intended for me.'

    The Goblin King smiled, which was a highly unpleasant sight. His cracked grey-green lips peeled back to reveal not one, not two, but six rows of jagged teeth, filed to points sharp enough to cut diamonds.

    Then -

    'Hang on,' the Goblin King rumbled dangerously, and his servant quailed like a quail. 'Leprechauns? Lepre-f**king-chauns?'

    'Yes, master...'

    'We're in the East Midlands,' boomed the King, drawing himself up to his full and majestic five-foot height. 'I specifically mentioned that in my interior monologue. We are not in Ireland, you high-pitched excuse for a bootlicking underdog.'

    "Yes, sire, this is why they call it an attack! If we were in Ireland they'd call it potato farming!"

    "You dare sass me, you little breeder!" roared The Goblin King, who we forgot to mention answered to the name of Eugene. He picked up his assistant by the throat and threw him out of the cave, charging out after him with his sword in his right hand and a tuft of his servant's throat hair in the left. He had some leprechauns to kill.

    This thought - the sheer, joyous bloodiness of it - kept Eugene the Goblin King going during the long, difficult descent from the mountaintop. We say difficult because, during a particular vivid goblin-dicing fantasy, His Majesty was stumbled on a hillock and flew arse-over-tit into a muddy stream. Cursing in an inexplicably Australian accent, he spat out a mouthful of stale water and wished fervently that he could seize the river by its throat hairs, too. Nasty river. Horrid river. Horrid, hairless river.

    Then, in the distance, the Goblin King heard the sound of fighting.

    Blade on blade, shield on shield, flesh on flesh. The shrieks and moans of the dying and wounded. A pungent stench of blood and decay drifted up both His Majesty's nostrils, resulting in a sniff like a startled horse.

    '****ing goblins,' the Goblin King growled. 'This time it's personal.'

    The stench Eugene had smelt was not burning flesh, but a spit-roasting pig that his goblin subjects had begun to cook when the leprechauns had attacked. As he approached, the smell of flesh and decay turned into one of bacon. His stomach grumbled, but he was determined not to be distracted. Knocking over the spit roast and stomping out the flames with his foot (resulting in a 20-second "****-That-Was-Hotter-Than-I-Thought-Ow-My-****ing-Foot" dance), he was finally able to survey the scene before him.

    The fight was moving slowly. In fact, as Eugene noticed, it was not progressing at all. There was not one dead body laying on the ground, its organs strewn about it; not one severed limb nor head. It had apparently not occurred to anybody except Eugene that a fight could go on forever if it was fought only sword-on-sword, shield-on-shield and flesh-on-flesh, with no attempt at any form of mix and match combination. Leprechaun and goblin alike appeared frustrated and tired. It was at this point that Eugene realised he had never given his army any formal training.

    "STOP AT ONCE!" he boomed over the clinking metal. It was time for this group's first official lesson.

  7. Katholic Nun
    April 19th, 2013 04:29 PM
    Katholic Nun
    I love our story too. The goblin was your stroke of genius, I can take no credit for that whatsoever... the chlamydia on the other hand was all me .

    ...there's a sentence I never thought I'd say.

    Anyway, without further ado, before you get so emo you start listening to decade-old Green Day songs, here is the continuing adventures of The Goblin King!

    --------------------------

    One warm, windswept morning in the East Midlands, the Goblin King woke up and crawled out of his cave. '*****,' he yawned to no one in particular, 'ow.'

    He reached down and rubbed his genitals gingerly. His chlamydia was finally beginning to clear up, but it still ached, particularly in the mornings.

    Wait a second.

    Chlamydia?

    'From which ladygoblin did I catch this pestilential infection?' roared the Goblin King at the empty skies. Suddenly, and not a little disconcertingly, he realised that he appeared to be suffering from short-term memory loss.

    Damn, that must have been some party.

    Half an hour later he heard a thump at the entrance to his cave and wandered out to find his royal assistant looking very anxious.

    "Master, the leprechauns are attacking the village!" he trilled in a voice too high to belong to any heterosexual goblin. The Goblin King sprang into action immediately, grabbing his goblin-crafted sword and scratching himself to no one in particular.

    There was a soft, uncomfortable cough from behind him. 'Master,' the High-Pitched-H'Assistant ventured hesitantly, 'I hope that scratch wasn't intended for me.'

    The Goblin King smiled, which was a highly unpleasant sight. His cracked grey-green lips peeled back to reveal not one, not two, but six rows of jagged teeth, filed to points sharp enough to cut diamonds.

    Then -

    'Hang on,' the Goblin King rumbled dangerously, and his servant quailed like a quail. 'Leprechauns? Lepre-f**king-chauns?'

    'Yes, master...'

    'We're in the East Midlands,' boomed the King, drawing himself up to his full and majestic five-foot height. 'I specifically mentioned that in my interior monologue. We are not in Ireland, you high-pitched excuse for a bootlicking underdog.'

    "Yes, sire, this is why they call it an attack! If we were in Ireland they'd call it potato farming!"

    "You dare sass me, you little breeder!" roared The Goblin King, who we forgot to mention answered to the name of Eugene. He picked up his assistant by the throat and threw him out of the cave, charging out after him with his sword in his right hand and a tuft of his servant's throat hair in the left. He had some leprechauns to kill.

  8. Katholic Nun
    April 16th, 2013 03:19 PM
    Katholic Nun
    I'm sorry! It's been uploaded, but i still haven't had it fixed haha. I'll get right on it, I swear!

    Also I don't have time to do more Goblin King right now because I'm about to go out house hunting, but rest assured, the next installment will be soon

  9. Barrels
    April 16th, 2013 12:15 PM
    Barrels
    also i wuv you

  10. Katholic Nun
    April 16th, 2013 01:56 AM
    Katholic Nun
    Honestly, I hadn't even noticed your ****** writing until you pointed it out yourself

    As much as I love your fancy formatting, I won't be able to replicate it, so lets just continue!

    --------------------------------------------

    One warm, windswept morning in the East Midlands, the Goblin King woke up and crawled out of his cave. '*****,' he yawned to no one in particular, 'ow.'

    He reached down and rubbed his genitals gingerly. His chlamydia was finally beginning to clear up, but it still ached, particularly in the mornings.

    Wait a second.

    Chlamydia?

    'From which ladygoblin did I catch this pestilential infection?' roared the Goblin King at the empty skies. Suddenly, and not a little disconcertingly, he realised that he appeared to be suffering from short-term memory loss.

    Damn, that must have some party.

    Half an hour later he heard a thump at the entrance to his cave and wandered out to find his royal assistant looking very anxious.

    "Master, the leprechauns are attacking the village!" he trilled in a voice too high to belong to any heterosexual goblin. The Goblin King sprang into action immediately, grabbing his goblin-crafted sword and scratching himself to no one in particular.

About Me

  • About Barrels
    Biography
    I was born. Then I grew up. But that wasn’t fun, so I grew back down again and started catching Pokémon.

    Most people are decent. The more friends you make, the better life gets.

    Shopping centres are brilliant because they tend to have lifts. Glass ones. When I miss a bus out of town, I just go up in the world.
    Interests
    I like creating. Writing, drawing, vidding, programming… you name it, there’s a good chance I’ve failed abysmally at it. (Probably had fun though.)

    In general? Philosophising about stuff I’ll never know, reading Brian Michael Bendis, ordering things I have no need of from Amazon, arting around in Photoshop, watching old Munsters episodes and marching with the Nermie Army. Not all at the same time.
    _____________
    Current obsession: Vidding! I love me some Sony Vegas.
    Location
    Hanging from the edge of a cliff
    Gender
    Male ♂
    Occupation
    Moron
    Nature
    Lonely
    Favorite Pokémon
    Snorlax. Since forever. I used to dream about getting a big ol’ Snorlax-shaped beanbag.
    …Who am I kidding? I *still* dream about that.
  • Signature

    Ramona Flowers

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