better i dont blog it
what the blog wouldve been is
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I get too attached to people. I can't just... not. If I talk to someone long enough I won't want to live without them. As a result, this tends to affect me. Prolonged time without those tends to get to me and make me think I'll never see them again and that it's all over and never mattered. Yes, this is me. It's not crazy it's... more paranoia. As a result I'm way too attached to certain people and it's starting to get to me. I don't know what I can do. Because if my thoughts are true, like everything else seems to be, I'll be dealing with this for a while. It affects me to the extent that if I see them around but they're not talking to me I get sad. Yes, I'm dumb. Yes, I shouldn't do this. No, I don't talk to people first most of the time. I barely make the step. Two of said people tried to get me to overcome this but lolno I couldn't really and it's still really hard. But it's not that. It's that I feel like I annoy those I haven't spoken to for a while. Even those who I'm most confident in how they feel, I just keep thinking I annoy them. Everything I do... yeah, I tend to go overboard with how I am. That also includes caring. I hate that this does affect me but I just don't think I can. I care about people way too easily and I hate letting go of things. I try so hard to distract me with things to get me through but no, that just ends up failing. Or it makes me think of another sad thing. When I'm on top of the world I'm on top of the world but when I don't feel like everything is perfect everything seems to affect me more, and as a result I must constantly have a goal or something to aim for short term that will keep me distracted from this. Also, with me, one sad thing leads to another. p sure facing old friend in ladder battle will end up with me being sad over pets animals past a whole lot of things. idk, I'm starting to think that I'm just too emotionally needy lmao. Unless... I know and I'm reassured that's never the case. :( But I'm not, never assured. It's only temporary belief. Everything those have said up until now just doesn't matter but I can't do anything for this. I wish I could do the whole "lolno I don't care at all" type thing but I can't. I can't even fake it!
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