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Barrels Barrels is offline

The Fresh Prince of Kanto

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Showing Visitor Messages 1 to 15 of 581
  1. Shining Raichu
    1 Week Ago 8:37 AM
    Shining Raichu
    I have a very difficult time believing that you were so young at age 15 that you did not know who Michael Jackson was. And if in fact you weren't eating your Coco Pops as I suspect you weren't because your figure is still intact, wouldn't you have heard the gunshot? And if in fact you had heard the gunshot, Brooke Wyndham wouldn't have had time to hide the gun before you got downstairs. Which means you would have had to find Brooke Wyndham with a gun in her hand to make your story plausible, isn't that right? That's right. The Devil might wear Prada but the villain always has eyebrows. #barrelsshotmj2k16

    You might be onto something with your riot logic, though. We had a thing a few years (wow, maybe even a decade now) back called the Cronulla Riots, which I think were a race-fuelled thing as well, but ours weren't quite so easy to put out because everyone is just constantly agitated by the Psyducking Heat. I can't imagine tears being a currency in Britain, though. I was under the impression that the British never cried at all, only stiffened their gaze. The idea of the country is that the weather weeps so you don't have to.

    I am also nonplussed at the Conservative Party's ironic naming. It's kind of like how we have a minor party here called the Christian Democrats which on the face of it sound like a lovely progressive Christian group but on the sly are fighting gay marriage and poking holes in condoms to spread children and disease. You really do have to look at what party you're rallying behind, you can't just go on their name because for all you know The Anti-paedophile Party could be run by a group of self-loathing kiddy-fiddlers.

    Unfortunately though, the results are in and we are indeed stuck with the conservative party for (another) three years. Conclusive proof that science keeps old people alive for far too long. I've recently seen a spate of people on Facebook mourning the loss of their grandmothers. Like three or four, they're dropping like flies. Couldn't they have done this before the election? Grandma's parting gift is the removal of penalty rates and another three year delay on same-sex marriage! Cheers Grandma, I hope you have cancer in the afterlife too.

    We have neither vans that sell burgers nor chips. Unless you're at some kind of carnival then there's your generic hot dog stand that will sell Pluto Pups, Kranskys and hot chips. No burgers though, I don't believe. Too messy. We're a classy people down here in The Place You Sent The Convicts. We've evolved far beyond the Motherland.

    But onto the matter of dipping sauce, I swear to you it is a thing. Just because I use it incorrectly does not remove its status as a sauce for dipping. The fact that I've gained 5kg despite trying to lose it will attest to the fact that I have been using it incorrectly. But I was very satisfied at your wording too .

    I've actually decided against telling you The Story of San Churro. When you accept my Facebook friend request you can scroll back to May 29 and read the whole thing in its entire glory. If I don't make you work for your stories sometimes, how will you ever appreciate their value?

    Resurgence? I take issue, sir! When did we ever de-surge? Though we have been at this for almost half a decade now, it would stand to reason that the surge fell short once or twice. Perhaps while England was burning, or Australia was doing nothing even close to that interesting, as it always does.

    Your lack of Facebook usage is disappointing, however packing I will accept as an excuse, mostly because OMFG YOU GOT THE AMERICA THING I AM SO HAPPY/PROUD OF YOU! TELL ME EVERYTHING IT'S ABOUT AND HOW HAPPY YOU ARE TO HAVE ESCAPED ENGLAND JUST IN TIME. HOW LONG WILL YOU BE IN AMERICA? WILL YOU HAVE SEX WITH AMERICAN WOMEN? ENQUIRING MINDS NEED TO KNOW.
  2. Shining Raichu
    2 Weeks Ago 9:50 AM
    Shining Raichu
    Oh dear Lord where are you moving this time (I say, as though moving is all you ever do).

    Well, I gave you til the day AFTER tomorrow and you still haven't replied! But more pictures of Malcolm Turnbull won't be sufficient punishment. You'll have to endure a Joe Hockey giving the world an indication of the size of his penis.

  3. Shining Raichu
    3 Weeks Ago 10:09 AM
    Shining Raichu
    I did hear that you'd up and left Europe! I know I'm not particularly well-versed in current events but I actually saddled up and listened to this one because I feel like if I were to go to England right now it'd be a lawless waste land with chunks taken off buildings and random fires around the place just large enough that the incessant rain can't quite put them out. People would be stumbling through the streets looking confused and shrieking 'WHAT HAPPENED' - except for the Queen, of course, who somehow has a Segway and is shouting 'ONE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND'. That's the only reason I'd ever willingly pay attention to the news, when the stakes are so high that you feel like you don't want to have to make up an answer when a child asks where you were when it happened.

    I learned this lesson on September 12, 2001 when I stumbled out of my bedroom at 7am to get ready for school and saw TV coverage of the attack on the Twin Towers. We're the best of friends so I'll gladly tell you the truth, but when I'm asked where I was when I heard about 9/11, I tell people I was water-skiing on two dolphins when I got the call from the Australian Embassy in New York.

    I wouldn't take the haughty criticisms of the French too hard; I spent five years learning their language and their native tongue and I came out of it with a great understanding of the language and a sense that they are a people who feel superior simply because it's built into their DNA and not because they have any actual reason to. Baguettes are psyducking dry and their cheese is soft and flavourless. They can go psyduck themselves. #psyduckfrance2k16 #brexit

    We've just had an election 24 hours ago ourselves. I realise Brexit wasn't an election, but I feel the stakes are similar. You see, if the Liberals (the ironically-named conservative party, helmed by the man who knifed Tony Abbott) win, we have to wait another three years for gay marriage and I lose my sweet time and a half rates on Sundays. If Labor wins, I get to keep my extra money and sit alone in my bedroom every night wishing I had somebody to marry. The results are so close that they're still not in, but it'll be just my luck that the Liberals will win and I'll get to stare at this muk-eating grin for the next three years.



    As for your Comic-Con, I know plenty of American Doctor Who fans, as well as a considerable amount of Australian ones. Doctor Who is what we traded you for Neighbours and I think we definitely got the better end of that deal. My mind never went to the gutter when you wanted to pay extra for Billie Piper; she used to be well fit but now resembles something more akin to a horse, so barring any sexy farm yard fantasies you might be harbouring, I never would have assumed you'd sink to that level when you as a film student and wonderful all-round human being could probably pull some Grade-A age-appropriate humanoid clunge.

    Any sauce is dipping sauce when it comes in a tub! Sauce that you make or that comes out of a bottle a la ketchup is just sauce, but if you squeeze that same ketchup into its own bowl and use it for dipping then it's a dipping sauce. I'm fairly certain that's just the Queen's English. Not that you'd use ketchup as dipping sauce, that's clearly an over the top kind of sauce, not a dunking kind of thing. Ironically, the caramel dipping sauce is actually too thick to be much good for any kind of dipping, so I'm forced to just go at it with a spoon like a sophisticated animal and forego the fruit altogether.

    Burger sauce is an interesting thing. You've intrigued me, Barrels. Is it burger flavoured, or intended for use in burgers? Why do they sell it in chip vans and not burger vans? Is this the first sign that Brexit has caused irreparable damage to the United Kingdom and the toys will never return to the pram? So many questions!

    AH, THE CRUSADE. I don't know whether this is only happening in Australia, or whether it's a full-blown worldwide epidemic like The Blessed Zika Virus (I love The Zika Virus) but everything that was once caramel is now salted caramel. It's the new fashion. And it's disgusting. It's just so unnecessary. Why would you add salt to caramel? What the psyduck was so wrong with caramel up to this point that somebody thought that it needed improving? There's a finite amount of salt on this Earth and we're wasting it on things that were perfectly fine without it. It angers me more than the idea of overpopulation.

    So when my favourite chocolate place - San Churro - started selling their banana caramel cup as a "banana salted caramel cup" I got angry, and I took action. I'll tell you more in the next exciting installment of Andrew and Barrels: The VMs.

    I also have another thing to kinda awkwardly bring up haha. I... found you on Facebook. It actually wasn't hard at all lol. You've always been incredibly cagey and subject-changey every time I bring up the idea of contacting anywhere outside of PC or Skype so I was afraid if I sent you a friend request you wouldn't accept it (and I'm afraid now that I've mentioned it you'll hide your account lol). SO IF I SEND YOU A REQUEST AND PROVE TO YOU THAT MY DETECTIVE WORK IS SOLID, MAY WE FINALLY BE FACEBOOK FRIENDS? We can still VM of course. But you're only getting like 20% of the Andy Experience here, and I feel you are entitled to more.

    Bones is also forthcoming, but as it is 4am I am unable to presently take pictures.
  4. Shining Raichu
    June 18th, 2016 7:33 AM
    Shining Raichu
    I've never once felt the urge to sit in the sun. I live in Australia, and in Summer all I want to do is sit indoors in the air conditioning and play video games, read or similar. What is there to do in the sun? Tan? Dear sweet God no, one must never tan...

    I do admit I expected your Comic Con to be all about Doctor Who. Like all Doctor Who, all the time. I know technically it's not a comic series but I thought that the start and end point to British sci fi and that was all you knew Special guest stars Billie Piper and Catherine Tate, maybe an extra special appearance by one of the Doctors now so old nobody but the most die-hard of Whovian could even recognise. TARDISes are far as the eye can see for people to get photos with. That kind of thing.

    Our mukty Comic Con version happened today actually. Holly Marie Combs and Shannen Doherty showed up to ours, so that was pretty cool. Not that I got to go and see them, but it was cool nevertheless lol

    But you got The Men Themselves, Jesse Eisenberg and Raj From The Big Bang Theory! Colour me impressed!

    I shall show you pictures of Mr Bones the second he comes out of his box and goes on display... which will be when I clean and organise my bedroom properly. Get to work on those arteries, I need to get back into shape myself, I've let myself succumb to buying tubs of dipping sauce and eating them with a spoon. This must come to an end.

    I also must tell you about my crusade against salted caramel some time. Remind me.
  5. Shining Raichu
    June 10th, 2016 6:10 AM
    Shining Raichu
    Tell me everything about Comic Con. We have a cheap budget bullmuk version of it here called "Supanova" and I find myself not so much happy in nerd culture, but wanting to kill each and every one of a room full of sweaty cosplayers with body odour. We may have touched on this before, I got to sit for an hour and listen to Amy Acker talk. God, that was 5 years ago. You were still a child, I, barely a man.

    Not much is new with me, I did however get a fantastic statue of Bones (an iron Man suit) so that was pretty cool. So I guess technically that is new.

    How are your many many projects going?!
  6. Shining Raichu
    May 25th, 2016 9:14 AM
    Shining Raichu
    or did it????

    Now it has, but I am notoriously hopeless, as we both tend to be

    I don't remember at this stage whether I have a PM to send you or not but I think it's time for the VM renaissance anyway haha.
  7. Shining Raichu
    February 28th, 2016 7:46 AM
    Shining Raichu
    First of all lets not pretend that you have the ability to 'innocently' walk anywhere

    Secondly, yes that's exactly what I'd do, because your head injury would be nothing to the headache I'd have to endure by having to clean up the pyramid (lol you think we make fancy pyramid displays) of broken glass and wine while customers walk around me saying "Aw, ya dropped something, didja?" and making me wish they had head injuries severe enough that they couldn't demonstrate their perpetual need to point out the obvious.

    Oh my God I really need a break from my job though. You just got a small peak in that last paragraph at the intense vitriol I'm starting to feel toward every single one of my customers. Even the perfectly lovely ones that I have absolutely no reason to hate. I just hate them so much. I have this constant - and I do mean constant - internal monologue happening all day every day at the moment where every time a customer walks in and I hear that beep, my mind says the following, verbatim:

    "Oh you've gotta be kididng me you psyducking disgusting little junkie"

    That's how I've started thinking of them. As junkies. I don't understand the NEED for alcohol and I just really really really hate them all for not being able to stop themselves from walking their dopey psyducking asses into my shop day after day killing more brain cells than absolutely required by daily cellular function. It makes me so mad, and it has absolutely no reason to.

    I really think I need a holiday. Or a new job. Probably just the holiday though, because let's be real, I ain't gonna go searching for another job in this economic climate. Hell, I couldn't even be arsed looking for another job in a decent economic climate, if such a thing ever did exist.

    So that answers your "what's new with yu, chu" question haha. I'm not gonna read that back and correct what I'm sure are the seven hundred mistakes one makes when one loses oneself in a rant, I'm just gonna hit "Post Message" and let the chips fall where they may
  8. Shining Raichu
    February 25th, 2016 7:11 AM
    Shining Raichu
    A free plastic bag? Was there anything in this plastic bag or did she just feel that plastic bags are a cure-all remedy for stupidity and head injuries? Was she hoping you'd put it on your head and suffocate for destroying her display? That's something I'd do in my shop. Then again, when wine falls it's a lot messier than biscuits.
  9. Shining Raichu
    February 22nd, 2016 4:32 AM
    Shining Raichu
    After Googling to ascertain that Jammie Dodgers were actually a real thing (and I spelled that correctly, you did not ), I will say that number 2 is the falsity! Although jumping off a 30-foot building would be a perfectly reasonable response to purposely waking up at 4am, so I'm left entirely unsure.
  10. Shining Raichu
    February 16th, 2016 10:22 PM
    Shining Raichu
    (oh and I got my Dawn French tickets )
  11. Shining Raichu
    February 16th, 2016 10:21 PM
    Shining Raichu
    Your pictures brought much joy to my heart! I loved the one that was us

    I know I promised a full run-down of the mother fight and it's been an unforgivably long time since my last message, but I just sat down with her this morning to try and sort it all out (hint: nothing got sorted out but we're moving forward) and I am so completely drained by it at the moment that I couldn't possibly think of going into the long spiel.

    I will, though. I promise you this. I will.

    Distract me with Tales of the Life and Times of Barrels the Magnificent!
  12. Shining Raichu
    January 27th, 2016 4:37 AM
    Shining Raichu
    I am very much looking forward to seeing your Scooby Doo Lego! It will be the highlight of my year thus far!

    I love your thought process. "Wow, MURICA! That's there they make the films!"

    Speaking of your film, is that somewhere available for viewing or purchasing yet? If so, I will gladly view or purchase it

    I do have a little bit of bad news, though. Well. "Bad news" sounds far more ominous than this is. It's more annoying news. News probably isn't even it, it's just an annoying update about my life haha.

    So essentially what happened was this: I posted a status on Facebook (you know, that thing I'm always telling you you need to get ). It was my usual snarky stuff, nothing unusual. A friend's mother, an alcoholic, posted a couple of comments, the gist of which were "Love you Andrew, but I'd love it if you could be a bit more positive". I can cop that on the chin, it doesn't mean that much to me. If I'd wanted to, I could have destroyed her (which is a hobby of mine on Facebook) but I didn't because it was mild-mannered, it was a Saturday night so 99% chance she was drunk, and I didn't want to cause any issues between me and my friend.

    Nek minnit, my mother swoops in and starts attacking this woman, on my behalf, without my consent. It started out as a valiant defense of me but quickly degenerated into a horrifyingly immature muk-slinging match between the two of them, and then finally three hours later it was over.

    Then I get a message from my mother. "Thanks for the back up. If you don't block her I'm blocking you."

    I could go into the entire saga (and if you want, I will, but not right now as it would take an incredibly long time to type out) but long story short my mother hasn't spoken to me in what is closing in on four days now and I'm getting attacks from my sister telling my mother is 'devastated' and "close to a break down" over this petty, stupid, nothing Facebook drama.

    So I'm not caving in this time.

    Essentially the update is that my family hates me and I don't get to go to Dawn French next Wednesday because the tickets that Mum gave me for Christmas are up at her place for safekeeping
  13. Shining Raichu
    January 19th, 2016 8:34 AM
    Shining Raichu
    Oh my God, what have I done. I got your message on the 5th. It's now the 20th. What have I done I am so horribly sorry. I have no excuse. Grey's Anatomy has chewed up my entire life and now I am emerging from it, having lost all my friends except for Meredith Grey herself. What year is it? Is it still 2014?

    The vague, distant memory of my laryngitis had me use my withering stare on Esmerelda, unable to ask her stupid mother why she named her Esmerelda. My stare works wonders on kids; it makes them immediately behave. I'd be a great father for that reason alone.

    Why are you raising $9000 to go to America so urgently? What's in America? Other than everything. I mean what's there specifically for Barrels? Some kind of filmmaking opportunity?! Or a really expensive booty call?

    SCOOBY DOO LEGO THAT IS SO COOL! Though be honest, have you played with it more than once since Christmas Day?
  14. Shining Raichu
    December 29th, 2015 8:33 AM
    Shining Raichu
    Oh my god it's been nearly 3 weeks, what the **** happened? Where am I? What year is it?

    WHAT HAPPENED?

    And where did I say I was sick? Yes, I was, very very very sick from the 10th til like the 22nd. I had two days off work and I NEVER take time off work for anything because I have this fear that the shop will fall apart without me.

    I had laryngitis, which I have no idea how I got but left me speechless for an entire week. I went back to work the Thursday before Christmas Eve and spent four days working with a whiteboard and "I CAN'T TALK" written across my hand for customers who tried to approach me haha. It was hilarious for a while, then it just got frustrating. But this close to Christmas it's impossible for people to not be working

    ANYWAY I'm all better now and even though the sickness robbed me of my Christmas season that I LOOK FORWARD TO ALL ****ING YEAR, I'm chill.

    I don't know why I'm writing every sentence in its own paragraph, but I guess that's just how I roll today. I'm also touched by your offer to biff the bacteria, but alas a combination of lemon and honey and sheer force of will biffed them for me

    But anyway how have you been? How was your Christmas? How is M Night Shyamalamalaman?
  15. Shining Raichu
    November 25th, 2015 7:09 AM
    Shining Raichu
    You were very perceptive to consider that I might think 90 hours was a lot, because before I even read the VM I was thinking to myself "Jesus Christ, 90 hours to put into 30 minutes! How wasteful!"

    But alas I still cannot wait. It better go up on YouTube or something like that!

    A high school acquaintance of mine was really really into film. Like REALLY into it. It was all he wanted to do with his life - even got to meet Hugh Jackman a few times! He finally released his very first feature film on March 1st, 2012. It was a comedy called "Sick" that pretty much starred his friends from high school and was shot on a budget of $10,000. The premiere was at one cinema only, one of our local ones. Still, it was actually really good and really funny. It won a couple of awards in LA and even has its own IMDb page, so that was cool! (Note, if you click on the link, pay no attention to the plot synopsis at the top, it's a complete lie lol. The one down the bottom is the real one)

    What was less cool was that he died three months later of leukaemia that he'd had on and off throughout his life. But his little brother makes films now, it's really sweet.

    So don't die in three months is essentially what I'm saying

    Also, I hadn't noticed the new style until you said something because my only function on this website now is to come here and talk to you haha. But yeah it is cool, kudos to those guys!

About Me

  • About Barrels
    Biography
    I was born. Then I grew up. But that wasn’t fun, so I grew back down again and started catching Pokémon.

    Most people are decent - and the more friends you make, the better life gets. So if you'd like to say hi, go ahead and do that thing! ;)
    Interests
    I like creating. Writing, drawing, vidding, programming… you name it, there’s a good chance I’ve failed abysmally at it. (Probably had fun though.)

    In general? Philosophising about stuff I’ll never know, reading Brian Michael Bendis, ordering things I have no need of from Amazon, arting around in Photoshop and watching old Munsters episodes. Not all at the same time.
    Location
    Three thousand miles from home
    Gender
    Male ♂
    Occupation
    Moron
    Nature
    Lonely
    Favorite Pokémon
    Snorlax. Since forever. I used to dream about getting a big ol’ Snorlax-shaped beanbag.

    …Who am I kidding? I *still* dream about that.
  • Signature

    Ramona Flowers

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The Bible says that Jesus was like, all about Bloody Mary's.
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