Hi, it seems we have been paired in the Matchmaker Event. I read your description in your post, and you seem like a cool guy. Get back to me so we can talk and see if we really want to be paired or not.
I'm afraid I can't commit to teaching as such, as there are so many areas that it would take a while, and I don't trust myself to be consistent.
(That's a fancy way of saying "Sorry but I'd be terrible!")
I can, however, direct you to threads that would be useful as you try your hand at hacking, though! These would be the two primary things people have in mind when beginning a hack:
Both tutorials explain the programs you'll need in order to DO those things. You won't need too many (just one for each tutorial, really) and they can both be found in the Toolbox (again, click the bolded text to go there!)
I also recommend checking out our Tutorials section, as you may find something there that you had no idea existed, which is of course enlightening.
If there's anything else I haven't covered there, feel free to just ask! :)
Sorry, but I don't have the time to do that right now. If you need to know something about ROM Hacking then your answer may be in on of the tutorial section threads, or if you need a specific question answered you could ask it in one of the ROM Hack stickies.