There were just something I don't like. You started out in Lavender Town, as like Steven, Rory Oliver Carr, and Karly. You went out the tower, the place where Rory Oliver Carr was hiding for the past few months, and yet failed to notice him. Also, a battle is going outside the tower, Karly and Rory Oliver Carr fighting off a Gengar and some Haunters. You also failed to put that in your post. You went to route 12, and back again to Lavender Town. What did you exactly do in the Pokemon Center? There are no more supplies as Karly scavenged them and I doubt a Nurse Joy was there to heal your Pokemon. Remember, we're in a single world so all things must be accounted for.
Hahah just take some time and think it through a little more
GP is usually pretty picky with the SU's in his rps... Cirrus is one of the best SU writers... Skymin is really good too, and Elite likes teaching newbies so if you wanna talk to them i could link you to their profiles