The Story of Derp: Who Would Be The Very Best There Ever Was (PG)
The Story of Derp:
Who Would Be The Very Best There Ever Was After Soft Resetting After Every Frustrating Loss
In the world you are about to enter, you will embark on a blah, blah, blah, no one ever reads the boring parts, A, A, A, A, A, maybe if I hold B it’ll go quicker! Ah! It appears as if it does!
And that is just the beginning my friends, This is the first part of my new series about a ten year old named Red who everyone calls Derp for some reason, it happens. This series will include language that adults will say is offensive for you kiddos but theres nothing in here that I would ever say in front of kids, you've been warned booger breath :3 Oh and go ahead and criticize my work! Creative or detrimental is fine so long as you aren't straight up rude. I hope you enjoy the series!
“Hello there, glad to meet you!” the gut, I’m sorry the old man, I couldn’t help but look at how…large he looks now, maybe 8-bit graphics really is the way to go, I hope he never goes HD, I don’t want to see your wrinkles professor! And of course he ignores me, he always drones on and on without paying attention.
“Welcome to the World of Pokémon” he continued, and I reply I’ve lived here all my life professor, I’m your neighbor, you’ve known me since I was in diapers! “My name is Oak” I facepalm, he continues with his Alzheimer-style grin with a vacant look in his eyes. “People affectionately refer to me as the Pokémon Professor” I don’t even bother to tell him I know he’s the Pokémon professor, I don’t know why I ever bother at all.
“This world is inhabited far and wide….” And there I go, spacing off into my theme song, because hey, every great journey needs a theme song right? You need something to bop your head to as you search far and wide, these Pokémon to understand the power that’s inside…“I study Pokémon as a profession, but first tell me about yourself, now tell me. Are you a boy, or a girl?”
I look at him as if he’s gone completely mental and tell him I’m a boy, “A girl, eh? Such a lovely young lass you are, or at least I think you are, I left my glasses at home…or at the Pokemart. They’re somewhere.” he says with a crinkly and kind old smile, the type of smile that makes it very hard to get mad at him. He doesn’t even wear glasses. “So what’s your name lassie?” My eye twitches in anger but I keep a very bad and bright red poker face.
Red, your male neighbor since I was a baby ya old coot, I think in my head but I just tell him the first word of my thoughts
“Right…so your name is Derp.” It wasn’t even a question it was a statement, as is mine: No, it’s Red.
“This is my grandson. He’s been your rival since you were both babies.” So now you can remember I grew up around here, huh? Stupid old geezer, also where did that jerk come from? The professor continued, “Erm, what was his name again?” And at that I finally grin, meh gusta or troll face? I think I manage to pull both off at the same time.
“Uh, gramps? You know my name is Gary right? You even gave me the nickname Green cause…I don’t know but it was cool and the opposite of Red. Mortal enemies remember?” I don’t know where mortal enemies came from, its not like I don’t like the guy, I just extremely, highly despise his very being. And he sent fruitcake during the holidays. It was fiendishly tasty.
“Er, was it Green? That’s right! I remember now! His name is Gary, I nicknamed him Green cause it’s the opposite of Red in the color wheel, it also happens to be your name, and you have lived here being my male neighbor since you were a baby!” and then his eyes go blank and he repeats himself, “Er, was it Butt? That’s right! I remember now! His name is Butt!”
Green, I mean Butt, had his mouth all agape and his eyes were bulging, “Gramps!” he screamed, “seriously? Did you even take your meds today?”
“Derp! Your very own Pokémon legend is about to unfold! A world of dreams and adventures with Pokémon awaits! Lets go!” And Butt is apparently forgotten as the professor continues with his outro to his intro…Wait a minute, how did I get inside my room? WHAT JUST HAPPENED?!?
Gee, this just made my day, but I think I spotted a flaw (it's not so important thought)
"Me Gusta" or "Troll Face"?
That because you're refering to objects (or in this case, images), that's why you must enclose them in quotation marks.
Besides that, your Fic is so funny.
I'm really looking forward for the next chapter :)
I apologize for keeping you guys waiting so long. Especially you Vato, I know I sayed it was ready minus the editing about a week two weeks ago. Actually it could've been three, I'm not good at keeping track of time hehehe...
I “Chu”-se You! Because I Overslept! Du du dun!
Derp wakes up confused. “Wasn’t the last part in first person?” he ponders. Yes Derp, the last part was through your perspective, now we’re giving the readers a new point of view. He wonders if he’s finally caught whatever they suspect the Professor in his town has.
“Shut up voice in my head!” he is screaming, “And stop narrating everything I do and say!”
I’m sorry readers give me a second to speak with this rude little boy.
“Rude? And little? I’m ten years old! I finally will go on my own Pokémon adventure, the professor said so in the last chapter. I’m practically a Man! I don’t even have a bedtime and I can stay asleep longer because I didn’t get enough rest…and–uh oh.”
At this the boy looked at his Voltorb alarm clock and his eyes bulged out, “Oh no! I overslept!” he ran out of his room, and then ran back inside to change out of his green pajamas.
As he ran through the living room the mother of the boy named Derp (“It’s Red!” he screamed and the mother looked at him in a perplexed manner) she called out to him, “All boys leave home some day the TV said so.” She said with the same expression Oak would use. “He’s next door by the way, and Derp don’t forget to wear clean underwear!”
The boy ran back inside his room a second time to change then went out to look for the professor. He checked the lab but he only saw the professor’s aides and Butt standing perfectly still with the same expression as everyone else in town. I can’t wait to get out of here, thought Derp.
Derp’s went wide with shock, he looked up at the sky and screamed a tad too loudly, “How do you know what I’m thinking ya giant booming voice?” Everyone stared at him like the weirdo he is.
“I’m the ONLY sane person around here!” he responded to me even though no one else could hear me. They were thinking he was at the lab to see the professor not for a starter Pokémon, but for a psychological evaluation. The professor's aids, interns and Butt whispered and gossiped. He ran outside with puffed up red cheeks and was heading out when he was stopped by a booming, idiotic voice. Not mine of course! That guy's.
“Hey wait! Don’t go out! There are wild Pokémon who would attack you, its dangerous out there!” he said as he squished an unnoticed and harmless Caterpie. It's huge, cute eyes watered in pain. “Hey I know come with me!” And they proceeded to the lab. Small innocent Caterpie and Rattatta running out of the duo’s destructive feet.
Down at the lab Butt finally snapped out of his trance and said, “Gramps I’ve been tired of waiting!” and the professor looked at him in a manner two strangers in the night look at each other. That is to say that they don’t and if they do it’s a quick suspicious glance.
“So Derp, choose a Pokemon” the professor commanded.
“What about me?” the grandson asked
“Oh Butt, I didn’t even see you there. Well Derp was here first so he gets to choose first.” And Butt argued about how unfair things were and he pouted, but we all know he’s full of hot air anyways. Take that jerk!
Derp chose the first one, “Yeah I choose you Charmander! Charizard is so hardcore!” he said with bright and starry eyes. When the ball opened however, it was empty. Derp chose the second one and screamed with excitement, “Yeah! Squirtle is the coolest with his sunglasses and posse, not to mention he evolves into Blastoise who has the COOLEST cannons ever!” Alas, inside was nothing but a puddle. He looked at the third pokeball on the counter, “Pfft. Bulbasaur?” and he turned to face the professor as a brokenhearted Bulbasaur came out of the pokeball crying. He left quietly, sniveling all the way out the door.
“There’s no more Pokémon!” he cried, “what gives?”
“Well in my youth I was a Pokémon master, but now I’m an old fart and gave all my Pokémon away over the years. Misplaced a couple, sent some to help some Nigerian prince, some just plain ran away for some reason! But...” he paused and told them to wait in the room as he walked into the basement. Butt and Derp heard an awful lot of ruckus, squeaking, and bottles being thrown and broken, it was unclear but at one point they heard something that sounded like, “Use the chair!” and “Break his arm! Do it!” followed by some screaming and then there was silence.
Oak came back upstairs all battered and bruised with two pokeballs in his hands. “Ok guys here you are.” And he gave one to each, “they’re both my favorite one, we had such great times,” he said while he cracked his knuckles. Derp looked at his Pokeball and screamed, “Yeah! I choose you!” and he threw the ball and out popped a yellow and hideous rodent. Butt laughed and told Derp, “Your pokemon is just some rat, whatta loser! Look at my beauty!” And he threw his Pokeball out.
A rat came out; only this one was brown and full of fur. It wouldn't be anything other than an observation for someone to call it a fur ball.
Butt looked at it and screamed out “YEEEEEAAAAHHH! Lets let them duke it out!” at the battered and bruised rats and to Derp.
“Let’s surprise him with a tackle!”
“Counter with a tackle!”
“Finish him off with a tackle!”
“Dodge and use tackle!”
“Super finishing move! Tackle!!!”
The battle was nothing spectacular yet both trainers looked like they were in the first row in a VIP concert starring T. Rex and David Bowie. That’s what you young whippersnappers listen to nowadays right?
Eventually there was a winner and the loser was all puffed up and saying things about “choosing the wrong one” even though they hadn’t even gotten to choose them at all. And with Butt left with one last snarky remark, "Smell ya later Gramps!" Derp also left pinching his nose with his thumb and index finger.
"Hey! He who smelt it, dealt it!" Oak retorted.
and Derp was ready with a comeback immediately, "Yeah? Well he who denied it supplied it!"
Oak, now free of his stupidity daze replied without a second's delay, "He who relayed it, made it!"
Derp flushed red in anger, "What? You- I- Errrrrgh!"
All the while, the evil plotted from behind a bush vowing vengeance and destruction. What? You thought I was going to go on novelizing a game that already has a story? If you wanted to read a Kanto journey like that you’d just pick up Blue, Red, or the Remakes, duh
Sup? It's me again. I must say... I couldn't stop laughing.
It's nice reading something that actually laughs of the mainstream Pokemon games, can't wait to see the evil guys that do evil things and say evil stuff (aka Team Rocket) :P
Not sure if there's grammar errors (my grammar ain't that good :P) but I still like your story. Keep it up!
No but the two guys I used were musicians from the 70s or 80s eras I forget which ones but they're from an older generation.
Also, about Rebecca Black. If you haven't heard her... DON'T DARE TO DO SO, you'll regret it. I did, and I still do.
And the okay was because I was to busy to just put the "Okay Guy" Meme
BTW this is the So Hardcore meme:
And I agree, the typical "get a Pokemon, earn badges, be a bad-ass and save the world" is quite boring, if not extremely dull.
For me a real Pokemon game/fic must include EXPLOSIONS, 'lots of explosions... And jokes, whereas they're logical or not.
Anyways, like I was saying, good luck with yo' story, I'll be looking forward the next chapter.
And so I present Part 3 (Part one) I guess I could call this the second scene. The rise of the action starting with the fall of....uh-uh-uh. Spoilers ;)
Part Three Part One
In which events begin to occur
Derp rushed to the Pokémon center, protecting his yellow rodent from further harm. He’d recently ran into a bunch of hairy flying rats called Spearow. Come to think of it most Pokémon he’d encountered had been ugly rodent looking creatures. There’d been Kid the Pikachu; the hideous, always-blushing monstrosity that the professor had literally wrangled out from the darkest recesses of his Pokémon reserve that he gave to Derp. Eevee, the brown rat Butt received at the same time as Derp, a purple giant-toothed monster that chewed out through the Pokeball when Derp tried to catch it, and the beaked, deranged flying menace he’d encountered during a thunderstorm.
Behind the counter was a lady with pink hair and extravagant curls. Beside the Lady Gaga mega-fan was a giant pink egg…carrying an egg, Derp really couldn’t think of another way to describe the creature.
“Please lady, help my wounded Kid, he got jumped by some hoodlum flying rats.” Derp explained.
The lady stood staring out into space when a stranger in a black poncho and brown fishing hat hung over his face rushed in. He saw Derp was having trouble getting the nurse’s attention so he told him, with little patience, to ring the bell on the counter.
“OH! CHANSEY!! CHANSEY!!! Hmmm, please not so loud Chansey, you’ll spook the injured Pokemon.” She was obviously wrecked in the attic but the Pokemon hospital was obviously understaffed, as a matter of fact the only faculty members seemed to be right in front of Derp. “So what happens to be the problem?”
Derp mustered upon as much patience as he could (using all his concentration not to facepalm himself) and he explained his situation to the nurse again.
“Well ok you want us to heal your Pokemon right? Ok, no problem. Set the thing up here on the counter please. Here at the Pokemon Clinic, we take good care of Pokemon, we pride ourselves in our ethical treatments, respect, and patience that we always provide when caring for an injured Pokemon”
The Nurse picked up Kid by his hind legs where he’d received several injuries and Kid squealed in pain.
“Aw, he likes me already.” The Nurse said, delighted.
She laid him down on what appeared to be a stove with neon lights and she pressed a button. The stove lit up and a soothing noise chimed through the air. The walls danced with shadows and Kid leaped up and did a Superman pose to show he was fit and ready for their next adventure.
“Hey! Excuse me, you had your turn now move aside.” The stranger shoved Derp aside, smacked Kid out of the way and rang the bell. “I need help, I found this Pokemon outside in the rain. He’s injured and in desperate need of attention!” The stranger set the lump down on the counter. It was cringing and covered in leaves.
The wind suddenly blew in, picking up various untouched paperwork and letting in a chilling moan. Thunder bellowed outside and two trainers ran in as lighting blinded the world. They walked in getting the floor wet. “Oh! That storm is just getting worse and worse. Heads up, some dude is coming in right behind us. He'll be here momentarily.”
The trainers were a male and a female. They both had green hair and the only distinction between the two was that the girly wore a scornful glaze and her hair rode down her shoulders. She carried an aggressive yet protective aura about her. The boy looked frightened turning every few seconds, first looking over at Derp who was sneezing, followed by Kid eyeing the walls colorful from the healing machine working, and over at the stranger in the brown fishing hat and the black poncho. Then he turned around to see something scurrying by his feet.
Someone walked in and there was a high-pitched scream. Derp looked at the girly with green hair. She stared back with an enraged countenance that seemed to scream, “Why would you assume it was me?” She looked at her companion, the boy who looked alike who still had his mouth and eyes open in fright. He was hugging the girly and his eyes were full of tears he was obviously trying to suppress.
“Sorry, thought I saw something”
“You did see something it was me.” A voice replied
He screamed again in an even more shrilly squeal.
“Calm down bro,” the girly scolded him, through her teeth Derp noted. “He’s the guy we saw heading for shelter remember?”
The man who had spoken walked in. He was wearing a black cap and a dark grey coat to that hid most of his body. It was perfect for the enraging storm outside.
“Chansey, Chansey! OH DEAR! CHANSEY! We must set up a campfire Chansey, these poor travellers need to stay the night, or at least until the storm passes. Excuse me; I do believe everyone is here. I will now lock the door. One should always be prepared in case of a flood.” She smiled and locked the door, which was obviously not airtight and therefore would be useless in a flood. Chansey hurried over to the travellers and bowed slightly.
“Chance. Chance-chance Chansey!” and she walked inside a room.
“But uhh….There’s a Pokemon outside.” The stranger with the black poncho and brown fishing hat pointed out. Kid was stuck outside. Looking inside with droopy eyes and quivering frown. “Pikaaa…” he pleaded.
“KID! Ah! I’m the worst trainer ever! Please Nurse! You have to open the door.” Derp pleaded to the Nurse. To which she replied, “I’m sorry but the door is locked and I have already placed the sign that says ‘Closed. Be back in one hour’ and according to my watch it is not been an hour yet.”
Derp looked at her incredulously starting, “But-” but he was cut off.
Chansey’s head popped out of the room when she noted no one was following her. “Chance!”
The group mumbled “Right, right.” And “We’re going.” And Derp trudged behind everyone, springing tears like a fountain.
Inside they found a fireplace already alight.
“Oh Chansey, you ARE ever so smart Chansey. I would never have thought to use the fireplace. But then I wonder what all these bound up papers are for if not to burn in a campfire in the middle of the floor.” She tossed some books over her shoulder the top three books entitled, “Operations Manual” showing the healing machine all Pokemon Centers had and were known for (Obviously unread by the Nurse), “Romans Conquer All” (The Nurse had bought it thinking it was a Romance book and that the fella on the cover – Being Julius Caesar- was the hunk who would be the main character but after reading about several battle formations and seeing no Romance she discarded the book and forgot all about it), and the final book’s title was “The Old Man and the Sea” by Ernest Hemingway. Unread because it was Ernest Hemingway.
“Well then make yourselves comfortable we’re going to be here until the storm passes,” the Nurse announced. “There’s nothing to worry about it’s just a little water. And noise. Terribly loud noise. And the lightning! Oh God the lightning! CHANSEY! CHANSEY! OH DEAR CHANSEY! Hug me Chansey! It’s so dreadful! WE”RE ALL GOING TO DIE CHANSEY!”
She looked around for Chansey, who was nowhere to be found, quite peculiar as the room was large yet plain. There was little to no furniture.No place to hide or be hidden. Chansey was gone. The Nurse broke down in tears.
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