"Community Service" [OOC][M]
rated m for mysterious
*Credits to Spriter's Resource for GSC tiles
Hello! This thread will come to be known for recording the progress of the characters, but since the RP hasn't started yet, this post will be a little empty until we do. There are still spots left if you want to take them, so please, get your SU in ASAP! Don't want someone snagging your spot before you finish.
1. Adrain Randal played by iLike2EatPiez
2. Astor Maddox played by Skymin
3. William "Will" Hayes played by Saturated Hue
4. Riku Kimura played by Charizard_Man
5. Kyle Avery played by The Final Watchman
And. Villidan "Vil" Vertigo played by Lt. Col. Fantastic
Please. Use this thread to ask questions, organize yourselves, and discuss this roleplay. And above all, have fun.
Geez, Kiyoshi, how can I ever pass by one of your RPs? ;D
Name/Nicknames: Astor Maddox
Might I add you have a interesting way with passwords, hehe.
Name/Nicknames: (Hey, I just met you.)
Gender/Sex: (Male, Female, and anything in-between.)
Age: (15-25 bracket.)
Appearance: (Long hair? Snout nose? Bloody fingers? No toenails?)
History: (What got you into the SOUL program in the first place? And did you become the owner of a large shrimp company while you were at it?)
Personality:(Obviously everyone wants to be the dashing aristocrat with a mustache, but you've gotta be identifiable.)
Aspiration: (What does your character want to do? League? Contests? Photographer? Athlete?)
Starter: (It will begin at level five, and at first stage of its evolution line. Pokémon that don’t evolve are not permitted, and of course, neither are legendaries [especially in this RP, where legendaries are considered to be just myths. Maxie resurrecting Groudon was similar to a man proving Zeus actually exists and controlling him somehow.] The moveset it possesses at the start will be dictated by me. It can be of any type.)
Password 1: Quilt Watermelon Elephant Raspberry Telephone Yawn Umbrella Iguana Octopus Penguin
Password 2: oAk four
RP Sample: (Give me an example of how you RP.)
Kiyoshi! Such a fantastic RP and a very politically twisted version of the stories/games we all know and love. I applaud you! But only five characters? Y U DO THIS 2 ME MAN?!
** EDIT: All done!
[name/nicknames:] Adrian Randal
Adrian is lanky, very tall, and all angles. Sharp face, pointed nose, bony fingers, triangular shoulders... It's almost like the guy could stab you just by glancing your way, if not for his thick gentle eyebrows and warm amiable gaze. His light greyish-brown eyes are usually behind a pair of glasses; without the glasses the world becomes a blurred, incoherent mess of color to him. One can often note Adrian's dreadful crooked teeth, as he grins and laughs often. His hair is a miserable blonde rat's nest. He has a rather pathetic bit of stubble and does a lousy job of keeping it shaved.
His sharp edges are also offset by his attire. Adrian often wears a big, puffy, weather-resistant yellow coat that he could practically drown in, along with baggy jeans and t-shirts. In fact, most of his clothes look like they're a size or two too big for him (which is the way he likes it, mind you). His bold red tennis shoes, however, are costly, new, and snazzy, an odd juxtaposition to his baggy and scrappy look. His hands are usually covered by an old scruffy pair of dark fingerless gloves. His clothes and food and all that junk go sloppily into a tough camping backpack. He also wears a heavy black monster of a belt, which can hold all of his handheld devices and utilities with plenty of room to spare.
First things first, Adrian's an amateur psychic. You know, like these guys. He's either learned or inherited the skills from his mother (I'll get to her soon), but, in all honesty, he isn't very impressive. He can't do any mind reading or fortune telling; his abilities are limited to telekinesis. Not even the hardcore send-cars-and-unfortunate-bystanders-flying-with-your-mind telekinesis. Just kind of... clumsily levitating small, light objects, like writing utensils or Pokeballs. His abilities may improve with practice over the course of the roleplay... or not. He might just be doomed to never become decent at it by his inherent natural lousiness. We'll see!
So uh, right. Adrian's mom. Helena was born in Saffron City. Lived there most of her life, a good fourty years or so. In that time she met her husband, Gregory. They met in their later teenage years. They were like star-crossed lovers. It was sparkly and romantic. They got married. They had kids. They worked and earned money and supported their family. All that lovely stuff! To be more specific, Adrian came first, followed by his younger sister by six years, Madison. And Helena worked an office job at Silph Co., while Gregory worked at the Magnet Train station. All in all they had a nice little life set up for themselves, if a bit hectic, what with work schedules and the day to day rush of the big city.
But when Hoenn and the USU started trying to get their grubby paws all over Kanto, Helena and her little family made like a leaf and got the hell out of there while they still could. See, she's the sort of psychic that can do all those spiffy things Adrian can't. Or, at least the fortune telling part. Her sixth sense warned her that some shady business was going down. Not that she wasn't suspicious to begin with; she and her husband had no interest in Hoenn's recent affairs, and didn't want to get caught up in any of that junk. Thankfully, peaceful, pleasant Johto was just a quick Magnet Train trip away.
They settled down in Ecruteak and, after a period of adjustment, found that life in a quiet traditional town was a lot easier on everybody's nerves. That is... everybody except Adrian. He was firmly adapted to city life. He enjoyed the activity. Lights and sounds everywhere. Everything was accessible. There were always new places to go, new things to see. And there were plenty of people for him to impress! But here, everything was slow-paced and, dare I say it, boring. Adrian since his childhood had always had a short attention span and a constant hunger for things to do, and he'd never really been deprived of such consistent availability of entertainment. Now, relocated and well into his teenage years, Adrian found himself unsatisfied with his situation.
On top of that, things weren't going too well for him. He was on his way into adulthood, with no plans for a college education (nor any interest in getting one), little if any work experience, and pretty much no idea what to do with his life. He did get himself a job at a local convenience store, but ended up being fired before too very long, much to his mother's displeasure. It kind of went downhill from there. All attempts to start supporting himself faded into increasingly desperate attempts to entertain himself. He ran off to Goldenrod every now and then, taking along his mother's Kadabra (without permission) to ensure his safety along the way.
Now, here's what broke the last straw and got him into the SOUL program. Adrian developed a tendency to perform all sorts of psychic shenanigans. Telekinetic shoplifting, spilling drinks and popcorn in movie theaters without lifting a finger, making peoples' wallets and credit cards dance in the air... all silly stuff, really. But, silly or not, he got caught in the act, and ended up being driven home by a police officer. He wasn't arrested or anything, though a stern warning was enough to send his mother into a frenzied rage. Her was her son, at nineteen, incompetent and irresponsible, running around causing trouble with the age-old powers she had passed down to him in one way or another. She could tolerate his disobedience and his sneaking off, but such use of his psychic abilities was just all kinds of disrespectful.
So she sent him off. Some community service would do him good, right?
Adrian is a rather awkward blend of "relaxed and easygoing" and "ADD spazcase". Nothing much seems to visibly phase him; he's calm and collected, optimistic and carefree, a "take life as it comes" sorta guy. But, at the same time, he's a fast-paced city kid: spontaneous, and in need of constant activity. His mind is always running at a mile a minute. When life doesn't do the same, he starts to lose his casual cool and succumb to the dull drone of boredom.
And Adrian idle rarely ends well. With nothing to occupy his time or attention he tends to lean into shadier activities. Pranking and hassling people, at least. Under the stress of boredom he even becomes something of a kleptomaniac, compulsively taking things, getting a kick out of the risk involved. In a way he's on a boderline between harmless prankster and shady delinquent, because his sense of judgement covers less the more bored he gets. At his best he wouldn't dare, but at his worst, sure, he'd consider going through with plenty of actual crimes if they were suggested to him. Anything to entertain himself, and, hey, if anyone has a problem they can deal with it.
But don't get the wrong idea. Adrian's not a bad guy. Generally he's friendly and outgoing, and willing to do any sort of favor for anyone. He's not the questioning sort. He won't pry into one's affairs or worry himself sick over the details of a statement or request. He'll just kind of go with the flow. He doesn't have time for hard feelings or confrontations. As such, he's easy to get along with, if you can work at his pace, and while he isn't always the best at understanding other peoples' emotions, he will always accept them. Adrian is a loyal companion who values his friends. And, though he doesn't really show it, he gets lonely without anybody to relate to.
This may, in part, be attributed to his vanity. The only thing he likes more than hearing himself talk is having the eyes and ears of others on him, be them close friends or random strangers. As such he loves to tell stories, or to show off, or to perform shameless acts, becoming the center of attention. Is this the result of a secret inferiority complex? Maybe so! But whatever the case it is for the most part harmless, albeit obnoxious to some.
See, the thing is, Adrian doesn't really have an aspiration. That's his big problem. No goals, no dreams, no passions... nothing to really work for. It's why he ended up in this mess. He's a friendly and well-meaning but very aimless individual, prone to causing a ruckus out of idle boredom. His journey, whatever it may entail, will hopefully lead him to a cause he can really pursue. He has always been interested in travelling and battling with Pokemon, and recognizes that there's something of an opportunity for him here.
Okay, random Pokemon generator here I go... Nidoran Female!! Awesome!
Quit Writing Essays Regarding The Yellow Umbrella; It's Obnoxiously Perplexing
This RP looks soo cool :3 here's my sign up
Name/Nicknames: Viola "Vi" Masters
Age: 17 (Turns 18 in four days)
Appearance: Viola is short for her age and has extremely pale skin, so pale that people have often compared it to snow. Her eyes are a bright sky blue in color and they really stand out against her skin. Her hair goes down to the middle of her back and is a raven black in color. She normally has her hair down with it curled slightly at the bottom and her bangs are a lime green in color as well as the highlights in her hair. Viola always wears lime green and dark green eye shadow, black eye liner, as well as black lipstick to complete her look. She also as a stud nose piercing in the left side of her nose, her right eye-brow is pierced, and both of her ears have three piercings each.
As for her other clothing, Viola is never seen not wearing two things, her lime green beret with a skull on it in the right side of her hair, the other thing is a black choker with a lime green skull on her neck. Viola normally dresses in a black and lime green stripped top that ends right above her belly button so her bellybutton piercing can be seen. On her arms she wears a pair of finger-less lime green fishnet gloves and on her left arm she has a tattoo of black roses going up the arm. For the bottom half of her clothing Viola wears a knee length black skirt with lime green lace on the bottom. On her legs she has a pair of lime green fishnet stockings and wears a pair of black combat boots.
History: Viola had what she considers a rough childhood. Her father was a prominent business man in Goldenrod City, because of this her family had a lot of money and both her parents gave her everything she could have ever wanted. As a very small child Viola was a sweet kind little girl who's favorite color was pink and she wouldn't dream of doing anything bad. But that all changed when she turned 14. As she became a teenager Viola started to rebel against her parents. She was tired of being spoiled, tired of being treated like glass. So when her parents were on a business trip she got a friend to dye Lime green into her hair and do her piercings and tattoo, then she reorganized her look, getting rid of everything pink and girly. The only thing she didn't get rid of was her love for drawing. But she didn't stop there.
Viola started to shoplift after that gaining quite the record, she also started to smoke. This went on for years, with her parents trying everything they could to stop her...to no avail. Finally after she turned 17 her parents had no choice but to put her in the SOUL program even though her mother didn't want to. Viola and her friends went to shoplift from a store but things turned sour, and her two friends ended up killing someone. Faced with either prison or the SOUL program, her parents sent her to the one she wanted the least.
Personality: Viola is a very headstrong girl but she's not afraid to stand up for who she is and what she believes in. She won't back down from a fight, be it in words or a physical fight. She has only two friends, both of whom chose Prison over the soul program leaving her alone, so if asked about them she will get very bitter about it. If by chance you get her to like you Viola will be extremely protective of you, as well as a bit nicer. She still smokes and can't bring herself to stop that and she loves to draw. Other important things about Viola are that she hates being asked if she plays the Viola due to that being her name (It has happened), her favorite colors are black and lime green, if your too girly she will hate you, and personally she prefers to date girls over guys making her a bigger disappointment in her fathers eyes... she doesn't care what her father thinks. To her she will always be a disappointment, so has plans in place to just cut herself off from her mother and father, it would either be that or getting disowned.
Aspiration: She wants to be an artist.
Password 1: qwireuqoruqwoutqputruputeqpeur
Password 2: cHerry four
RP Sample:Here's a recent post from the RP Danger on the S.S. Anne
Well, Mr. Polar Bear, this RP seems pretty fun if I do say so myself. And I've been wanting a new RP to participate in, so I'm going to ask you kindly to hit me up with a reservation. The SU will be finished and up sometime tomorrow I believe.
I love the participation and eagerness from you guys! :3
However, I would like to point out, like it said in the IC thread, there is no reserving spots. It's first come first serve, so just post the full SU when you can. :3
Can't wait to see some of those unfinished ones so far!
But getting on to one that's was actually finished:
@~Genevieve~ - Dat black and lime green. Her appearance is all fine and dandy as it looks now (quite the consistent color coordination she's got there!), but your detailing lacks quite a bit when it comes to Viola's History and Personality.
Let's start with her history. I don't understand her reasoning. She's not really believable, because why would a kid in their right mind that received everything she could've every desired as a child suddenly shift so dramatically almost overnight simply because she "was tired of being treated like glass." The transition could work, but it needs more logic behind it. These changes don't happen because one day she decides to go from a prim and proper girly rich girl to black-and-green scene queen, it takes time and more factors to become that radically different. I know she was rebellious, but why did she resort to petty thievery as an outlet of all things? Was it because she fell into the wrong crowd? Did it make her feel alive or was she trying to prove a point (she is rich, after all)? Why did she begin to hate her girly past as a reaction to hate from being spoiled? Why did she hate being spoiled? Did it make her feel insecure? Was she made fun of? Did she want to claim a sense of independence and that was getting in the way? There's just not enough substantial reasoning and material to make her believable in the slightest.
Moving onto Personality, I see the same issues here. There are parts that flows together nicely, but you need to explain a lot more. What can someone do to be her friend, especially now her past friends had jilted her? And why were these friends not in her history? Who are they? And holy moly! I don't remember her parents ever being ashamed of her in her history either! And if she doesn't care about them or their thoughts about her, why does she remotely care about being disowned? There needs to also be more depths to her personality, because she's a bit too flat right now.
For now, you're declined. You can fix up your profile and come back, but the spots remain open.
alright, I'll most likely have to look into this if a spot opens up, I'm gone starting from July 22nd, to August 7th, and have a feeling that by the time I get back the spots will be taken.
Well, whatever the case may be, it was a pleasure to read your SU and know you took an interest. :3
Thanks for applying!
Oof, finished up my SU! Oh yeah, and I should probably mention, I do have marching band camp coming up in August, which will limit how active I can be for a couple weeks. I'll do my best to keep up during that time.
@iLike2EatPiez - I nearly died when I saw "amateur psychic" in bold. You're very good with creating a voice with your words.
Your RP sample is a bit skimpy, it could use more meat. I found it a tad difficult to really visualize the scene. However, you proved to be competent in writing and it was nice to read.
You found yourself to be on the accepted list. Hopefully keeping up with the RP and your marching band plans mesh up well. Good luck with that, by the way. :3
And, and I've been waiting to say this:
The data about your Pokemon will be given when the first mission is ready to start. :3
@Placeholders - Make sure you get in those SUs! There are no reserves remember, so if someone swoops in with a finished and acceptable SU, a spot can be easily taken from you!
Gyaaah! Sorry I'm taking so long. It is so hard to think up a legitimate storyline for a dumb but kind strong kid and how he could possibly wind up in this kind of situation...
Or I could write about a bad-ass... HMM.
EDIT: You know, the bad-ass is probably easier to incorporate. LET'S DO IT.
EDIT2: OH BUT A DUMB KID WOULD BE SO FUN. ADUFNDIFJDKMFALMFAS
EDIT3: OK. DONE.
@ Skymin: You can't be such a weird person sometimes. :P
@The Polar Bear: I'll try and work on it as much as I can right now.
@Skymin - OH MY GOODNESS I JUST WANT TO GIVE HIM A HUG AND CUDDLE AND ASIODOJFNOIOSFJSAID
Great SU. Accepted.
And like that, another spot is gone.
and he was bbbbeeeeaaaauuuuttttiiiiffffuuuullll~
Name/Nicknames: Laurence Fox
Appearance: Laurence is an average kind of dude, sorta. He's tall, about 6'2", but looks about five inches higher than that thanks to his luck on acquiring on ectomorphic body at birth. Simply saying he's tall with a narrow body, thin limbs, and drooping shoulders. His attempts at bulking up or at least putting on a little mass have been impossible and since he was maybe twelve has had a noticeably thin body. At first it was funny, but when realizing how meek he looked, it was just a hassle all together.
However, the upside to being naturally thin is that you can pull off the "thin look". Unfortunately dressing "thin" means that his wardrobe can rack up some serious bills. Especially suits. Luckily for him, as nice as suits are, he doesn't particularly enjoy wearing them and, as such, successfully avoids going to places which require them (well except work...). For his casual dress, Laurence wears something either tailored (because he has to) or luckily bought in his size. He isn't really "in the know" when it comes to fashion, so his everyday wear usually consists of straight-leg pants and some kind of shirt or another. He's a fan of dark clothes (though not too dark) so a dark green or a brown or a little bit of black somewhere is kind of his thing. What's more of his trade mark, though, is a jacket he wears. Not a hoodie or anything like that, but a nice, gray sport coat. It had to be his favorite jacket and while he never absolutely had to wear it, he did wear it often over his garb. It was a jacket that he'd taken out of his father's closet after his passing and had kept not really for sentimental value, but because it looked almost criminally nice (at least to him). The years had worn it some, but it still kept a good portion of flare.
History: A life of crime doesn't really describe Laurence's daily life. The only life of crime he gets is from watching mystery or crime shows on TNT or some other network like that. He'd wish for a life of crime, if it didn't also come with the risk of the death penalty or being on the run or something like that. He really wasn't an on the run type of guy. No, Laurence's life is quite average and it wouldn't be treading into unknown waters to say it was quite dull. His life has always been like this, or at least until the time he was conscious enough to realize how boring his regular day really was. When you stopped having battles with Lugia in your backyard or school didn't keep you so occupied that walking around the neighborhood with friends or going skating constituted for wild nights the whole "my life could be much better" thought starts to come up more often. As a kid, of course, Laurence didn't care about any of that. Fighting Lugia was all he needed to keep himself occupied. The youngest of two, Laurence was behind part of his brother's shadow. He was not completely forgotten, but it was always Bruce & Laurence, never Laurence & Bruce. It wasn't really something that Laurence got mad about, being a no conflict kind of guy, but it didn't stop him from realizing that he wasn't the most notable part of the family. His brother Bruce was most usually smarter than him, there was maybe two things that Laurence could get on Bruce: Height and athletics. Not like lifting weights and punching and kicking kind of athletics, but run a mile or bike up a hill kind of athletics. Bruce was like snails and rabbits when it came to a race, but that wasn't really something you could hang over a person's head. Not only was Bruce smart, but he was an idea guy. Not to say that Laurence was never creative, but Bruce could make ideas that made a lot more sense and were a lot more practical than anything he could come up with. An example of this gift was Bruce's idea for them to start their own business.
Late Fox was the name of their soon-to-be constructed bar. They of course, at the time, didn't know much about making their own bar or business for that matter, but Laurence had a knack for getting to know people, finding important guys that could help out. That's where he came in. The idea was constructed when Bruce was on his way to college. He'd never really known what he wanted to do, but Bruce knew he wanted to own something, not work anywhere and, being a year behind him and thus, still in high school, the idea seemed like the best thing in the world for Laurence, even though he couldn't touch the stuff without cops writing an arrest (not that it would change much). As the years went by Laurence's view on the slowly growing plans became less enthusiastic. The idea was, however, coming together. Bruce was attempting some sort of degree in business and Laurence, like he'd always been able, could find the guys that could help them out on their bar-making-scheme or at least get a cheap lot to set up shop. Before long their plan and goal had expanded, Bruce not only wanting to build a bar, but make their own beer. Naturally the two had no idea what the first part of brewing was, but it was a work and progress and, again, Laurence could find the right people, right? They have made closer steps to the first part of their master plan. While the actual building has not been raised yet, Bruce has his eyes on what he thinks would be a good location and it would only take some rigorous savings to purchase it. They would, of course, they had no doubts against it and Laurence, being so good with people, had a way of securing the spot for them for at least a couple years. And, while business wasn't the most interesting thing in the world for him, Laurence knew Bruce was a dreamer and would assist him on this little journey.
Things, however, can't always go so smoothly. Laurence didn't end up in SOUL on purpose, may not have even deserved it, but he somehow was able to get himself stuck. While Laurence wasn't the type of guy to go out of his way to try a sport, sometimes he would go to the track at the gym of his own accord and run a few laps for a quick workout before his normal (attempts at) body building exercises. He usually did his workouts with a friend and during the run had gotten himself immersed in quite the conversation, to the point where he stopped paying so much attention to where he was going. He ended up running into a fellow gym-goer who, simply speaking, didn't appreciate Laurence's lack of attention. Not wanting conflict, he tried to get out of it, but... Well. The end result was a black eye and an order to go to SOUL on the account that he had at least tried not to engage in fighting.
This isn't exactly a program he wants to be in. Luckily as long as he keeps his laptop with him and the shipping address, he can keep up with his studies.
Personality: Laurence is the sort of guy that goes with life avoiding all the punches. He doesn't like having to deal with tough situations and does his best to keep out of them. He works hard, eats right, and obeys the rules. A good citizen and that's all he needs to be. Unfortunately his life can be quite boring, giving him monotonous mornings, afternoons, and nights. He doesn't complain much, but does wish for something more exciting. His social life, for one could be better. Laurence can feel uncomfortable with the prospect of talking to women, since he's not sure how they'll take him. When he does start talking he does relatively well, though he always makes his next words like a multiple choice test. Laurence doesn't get angry very much, or doesn't try to, because getting angry is taxing on energy. He's not too partial to things that are taxing on energy and feels better doing things the easier way than the hardest way, at least when it comes to physical activity like climbing or something like that. The volunteer work, like his normal job, he does his best on. Like anyone forced into the SOUL project, Laurence isn't happy about being in there, but doesn't complain much about it, mostly because that would be taxing.
Laurence both hates and enjoys being the normal guy or the one that's just there. When he does have the opportunity to be in the spotlight, he usually declines, even though he wishes for something like so. When insulted, he either agrees or tries to make a joke out of it. Getting angry might put him into a conflict and conflicts not only made him uncomfortable, but they were emotionally and physically draining. He tried to stay on a person's good side anyways. It was easier to be nicer to someone when you were on their good side and Laurence was just a naturally nice person. Being mean took up too much energy anyways and he wasn't good at it! Insults weren't really his forte and hating someone was really tiring. If he ever got in a fight, he'd surely fail. He never exactly learned how to fight. Punching, yes, but how hard could he really punch?
Aspiration: Laurence is going into the beer making business with his brother, it seemed. But business was never really his calling or something he found interesting. Laurence always liked the media, and not just the media, but the camera. He didn't necessarily take photos since he was eight, but he always liked the idea of photography, liked the emotions they could display in real life. He realized he'd be interested in the trade his Junior year in high school and focused his studies in college on photographic arts. His brother Bruce tried to convince him to focus on his pictures rather than a bar, but Laurence refused and figured he could use it for at least advertising.
Password 1: Quincy Wittenburg Entertains Really Tiny Yanma Until Ivan Oscars Poops
Password 2: syCamore two
@Kiklion - Well, this is certainly well written! You do a fairly good job at describing him.
There's only one thing, though. Laurence really doesn't have anything special about him.... which isn't like how it sounds. He's just a tad boring. Nothing could really come out of him - sure, we as humans constantly change and grow - but he's, like, bare. I was always waiting for a "but" to come. Like: "he may be such and such in these ways, BUT he's the dovahkiin blahdey blah."
He's kinda plain. I feel like he needs something more about him, more sides to his personality. More juice. People are like boxes, with more than one side. But I feel like Laurence is one, maybe two sides tops? And they aren't that interesting.
Literally everything is fine otherwise. Can you please just.... expand? Make him more interesting?
Also, I noticed an inconsistency.... in his history, it states that he's great at rounding up people for his bar business. But, in his personality, he's more than a little awkward with people? Needs more fluidity.
Just come back to me with your edits if you're still interested. I really, really want to accept you since this was so well written- but my reasons just got in the way. :/
Well the point of Laurence was to be a boring kind of person. It's kind of his thing. I'll try to think of something, but I don't know really what I can add. I might just end up making an entirely new character.
I don't know, I really want to join this, so if I decide to change the character I'll get it done tomorrow.
I thought about it for a while and I decided I won't be joining the RP. I can't decide something to add to Laurence and I don't feel like I'll enjoy playing another character.
Sorry about that, but it just won't work out for me and I'm in too many RPs anyways. It's a good idea, so I see a lot of success for this RP. Good luck on it! :)
Do I smell angst? I think I smell angst.
A little heads up: because my old RP Sample was decidedly short, I switched it with something longer. I also made a few tweaks to the SU.
Name/Nicknames: William "Will" Hayes
Heres hoping there are still spots...Only two accepted but a lot of Sign ups in here, so I'm posting a sign up just in case a spot is open. Edit: I think I'm done, but I will add more if needed.
So sorry I haven't returned in a while! Got tied up with life. But there's no time like the present, so let's review:
@The Final Watchman - It's a very decent SU, but I feel you need a bit more meat and substance in your personality section. Also, am I going crazy or you don't have a starter picked out? I can't seem to find it. If you can just adjust it in these areas you'll be a-okay to go. :3
@Saturated Hue - Very nice SU, it'll be interesting to see this guy function in the RP. Accepted.
@Charizard_Man - Beautiful! You and Saturated Hue should meet up and cause chaos. :D
@Lt. Col. Fantastic - (Great username BTW) It's just, um, well, the character is unbelievable in a lot of ways. She's just 19, conning several rich men out of money and buying a bloody house on top of that, and she gets.... SOUL? That's more acquainted to the rich men ruining her life and placing her in a cell forever. And she just "escapes?" There are one too many things that this apparently unintelligent girl does that isn't really believable. There are also several spelling mistakes. Declined for now.
I'm not saying make her boring, just a bit more.... real. And interesting.
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