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Khawill December 1st, 2012 6:49 PM

Khalil's Poetry
I'll try my hand at poetry, especially since this section is so... Empty


I always think about things
They plague my mind
Do other people suffer from thoughts?

I doubt it
Because no matter how I wrap my mind around it,
Thoughts are dangerous things.

Sometimes I say I'm unique
But then my thoughts tell me otherwise
It saddens me

Sometimes I say I'm smart
But then my thoughts tell me otherwise
And people follow

I don't say there is something wrong with me
I don't think I'm crazy
They do though

I talk about who likes me
I say someone, I think no one
Now I think about who is right

I think about why
I think about who
Who is me

Am I the one who thinks?
Am I the one who says?
Nobody can answer me.

Freak A December 1st, 2012 10:36 PM

Insightful. To say the least, really insightful. Marking the double minded-ness that we all face and the lack of confidence everyone goes through (maybe you should've named it confidence :P ).

What i don't seem to be a particular fan of is however the form, though you structured it pretty well, some lines do seem to be kind of extra. A suggestion would be that you look into the Italian (Petrarch-an) sonnets because this could have easily been made into a really good sonnet with the octave surrounding the theme of thoughts which moves into self-doubt in the sestet.

Just a suggestion though, your poem even without structure is well written. :)

Khawill December 1st, 2012 11:00 PM

Well I never took poetry classes and such in highschool, and this is my first thought out poem. To be honest I really don't know how to define a poem because I looked up different types (because I previously thought poems were just rhyming) and saw free verse and haiku (which don't always rhyme) so I'm not too knowledgeable on the subject.

Thank you for the compliment and feedback too. I had several ideas throughout the day, but when I was at work, this was the one I thought of.

Edit* I'll try to do more poems, maybe one weekly. They don't take as long to write as a fic and I can churn ideas away from the computer without forgetting them so it wouldn't be too farfetched of me.

Khawill December 10th, 2012 6:41 PM

Tad late I suppose, those poems are hard to compose.

People (I think this is classified as a Rap, though I didn't do a chorus or write it like music)
I can never figure out why there are cliques
The ones that are full of spoiled chics
And other such kids
I suppose it is something kept under lids
A secret so well hid
That even I can't get in
Are they hiding their acceptance?
Am I unworthy of their presence?
I was told not to think in terms of others
Told to speak in terms of myself and a lover
Though what lover is there for an outcast?
A simple social reject who could never outlast
A conversation with a person of opposite sex
And even the solace I find in this text
Is dilluded by the dissipointment
Of my appointments
With therapists
who wish
To see
what is wrong with me.
Well maybe someone could tell me,
because all I see
Is a life where my enemies
Outnumbers my friendly company
where the people I am used to
Are lost to a world where the good is sailed through
And overshadowed by the evil.

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